When Dreaming Ends
by Hari-Aisu
Summary: When actor Raito Yagami first set foot into Whammy's House, a famous Parisian bordello well known for its crazy schemes and beautiful courtesans, he had not known that his future would lay with a disturbed playwright with a penchant for men in drag...
1. How Wonderful Life Is

A.N: … … Oh poopie. You know how I said I wouldn't start any random projects needlessly, because really, why would I do that to myself?

… … Somebody should shoot me now. O.O;

I won't make this a super-duper-updating-machine of a story, but seeing how I just _love _this movie… I couldn't help myself. If I'm a DN fangirl, then I am a Moulin Rouge! TRIPLE THREAT ULTIMATE FANGIRL OF ALL TIMEZ! And I am not even joking, unfortunately. This is my homage to one of my most favorite movies of all time, and my half-assed way of incorporating my love of DN with it. Unless this story is really well loved, this won't be updated at crazy intervals. In fact, this will probably be considered final priority on my list of things to do, if truth be told. So if you like it, you should probably let me know. If you hate it… well, I really don't care if you do hate it, actually. Mess with my love for MR!, and you shall _feel my wrath. _I'm _serious_. O: Wowzers… I think this idea's original with all the people who have managed to do rip offs on it within different fandoms, so, yeah. Bask in it, you guys. Bask in the freaking ambience. XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, nor do I own Moulin Rouge!, or the portions of MR! taken for the sake of only this chapter (though I may use more scenes in future chapters; haven't decided yet). Love it, people. Love it, and cherish it. Lol.

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Chapter One: _How Wonderful Life Is_

* * *

It was about so much, and yet nothing at all.

That was what it felt like, at least, staring down at the dank hole before him and seeing nothing but darkness.

A piece of what could have been his soul had withered away, and unfortunately for himself, it was a piece needed all too much to survive.

Closing his eyes, he imagined what it could've been like to have had a few more sweet moments to capture the happiness he had at one time felt, but it was a vapid sort of pleasantry that soon became old. The empty spot within his chest grew larger and larger as he took a step back and scrubbed his cheeks with the back of his left hand, willing the insistent moisture clinging to his eyelashes and corneas to keep at bay and leave him at peace.

It was about so much…

Raito sobbed as he dropped onto the ground, ignoring the wide-eyed glances and pitying stares as he did so.

And now, only _he_ would be left to share their story.

Or whatever was left of it now, anyway.

* * *

_When I had first arrived in this city, it had been under the guise of innocence. _

_Many of the people I would come in contact soon after would tell me that my naivety radiated like a beam of light shining off of my countenance, undisturbed by the sullied companions that trailed after me on days to come. _

_But that was insignificant to me, I suppose. I was in search, you see, for something very important. _

_A sign, you could say. _

_Something to live for-_

_Great enough to _die _for. _

_Quite cliché, you could say, but it was the utmost truth, that I can promise. _

_What I found, however, far exceeded my expectations, and forced me to face a part of myself that I just did __**not**__ want to see…_

_But that is going far ahead of myself, you see. Let me actually bring you to where my journey began in Paris, exactly one year ago, in a place called Whammy's House-_

* * *

"Hey there, sweetheart! You just gonna pass us by without so much of a hello?"

Raito cringed as he kept a firm grip on his suitcase, dark caramelized eyes filled with nervousness as he ignored the cat-calls sent in his direction.

"C'mon, sugar, mama ain't gonna hurt 'cha now!"

"Aw, you're scaring the poor boy, Lettie!"

"So?!"

Turning away from the two scantily-clad women basically hounding him, a very intimidated Raito entered the large building lavishly constructed with bedazzling gold statues and decadently-colored walls. Opening the doors to what seemed to be the beginning construction of a great hall filled with vivid reds, bright oranges and startling silvers, letting his feet echo against the ceramic tiles covering the floors, Raito stared up at the structure encasing him.

'A gateway to every man's fantasy…' The light-haired wanderer thought to himself, weary from his own travels and lack of rest. '_Right…_'

"Can I help you, sir?" Startled out of his reverie, Raito spun around and met a warm blue-eyed gaze filled with amusement.

"Uh… perhaps you can, sir." Bringing himself forward, Raito straightened himself out and pushed his hesitations out of his mind. "I heard that you were holding rehearsals here for this establishment's first work of premiere literature."

"Yes." The elderly gentleman, as there was almost no other way to describe him with his prim black suit, slicked back thinning white hair and slim bifocals, nodded as he bowed slightly. Honestly, you would never think you were in a whore-house with the way the man was acting! "Are you looking to audition, young man?"

"Yes, sir! If you would be so kind to oblige me the honor!"

"So proper, really! I should think that such a request would not be too difficult to grant, if you would follow me."

"Thank you, si-"

"You may call me Quillsh Whammy, before you go any further." Raito felt himself flush as the lively gentleman in front of him began to chuckle in amusement. "And you would be?"

"Um… Raito Yagami, si-I mean, Mr. Whammy, sir! Uh-yes, sorry." Blushing rather horrifically, Raito tried to ignore the stifled laughter sent in his direction.

"Well, follow me then, Mr. Yagami! Our writer is in an already foul mood, hopefully your genial disposition matches up to your acting abilities and pulls him out of his terrible funk!"

"Oh… of course! Thank you so much-"

"Believe me, child," The old man guffawed once more as he pulled Raito towards the opulent staircase standing overhead, "You are the one I should be thanking, not the other way around!"

Letting his eyes shut out the confusion he ultimately felt, the raggedy boy followed the older man with an open mind and a silent pair of lips.

* * *

_I had had no idea what I was walking into, however. _

_I was already nervous, coming into a city I knew barely anything about and looking for a job in a __**bordello **__of all places, but the thought of being scrutinized by some writer who was probably drugged and buzzed to high hell was not an appealing concern to add to my already growing list. _

_For two years I had been scrapping to get by on what little I could live on, and Europe had not been kind to me so far, but still, I kept my optimistic out look set and ready. There was no reason to look down, since I was already on the bottom rung. _

_Thinking about it now, I can see why people were so enamored with my candid view of life. _

_Thinking about it now…_

_I had no idea how lucky I had truly __**been**__. _

_The beginning, no matter what anyone says, is always the sweetest. You always have so far to go; so much to appreciate without having to think about the ticking time-bomb that would inevitably loom over you in the end. _

_But that isn't important. Our story… that's what you wanted to hear about, isn't it? _

_Yes…_

_Of course it is._

* * *

"_Look at him…_"

"_How cute!_"

"_Cute? The boy's absolutely GORGEOUS!_"

"_Aw…_"

"_I could show him some moves…_"

"_I'm sure you'd LOVE to, but stop scaring the poor boy, already!_"

So used to the comments after being ogled for nearly all of his 19 years of life, Raito let the older man usher him past the buffets of women and men staring at his lithe, athletic figure and stared up at the stage growing ever so closer to his person. A slim figure shrouded by darkness stood crookedly in the middle of the overhauled stage still obviously under construction, hands clenching within his pockets as he let his dark strands of mangy hair hang limply so that it obscured most of his face and nearly dropped down over his hunched shoulders.

"L!" Quillsh shouted within Raito's ear, nearly making him jump out of his body in fright, "We have one last petition for-!"

"NO!"

Raito blinked as the stagnant, monotone voice quickly echoed within the large room all the people seemed to inhabit. Quillsh pushed the boy forward as he continued stomping down the unfinished aisle, which Raito supposed was to be used for seating, behind him.

"L, stop being so damn stubborn and let the boy have his chance to audition!"

The slumped silhouette on stage slouched into himself even further, digging his hands deeper within the confines of his pockets as Quillsh's voice resounded within the room.

"Must I really be continually tortured like this, Quillsh? I'm quite exhausted from all those other phonies you've tried to throw my way, butchering my words as if they meant _nothing_ at all." Letting his ragged, baggy slacks lag further on his obviously malnourished form, Raito felt a small surge of anger kindle within his ego. "I am sick and tired of watching all of these _amateurs_ take our stage and _sullying _my work for their own entertainment!"

This _man_ who so obviously couldn't even do something as simple as _take care _of himself had the _nerve _to insult his skills as a performer without having even _seen _him do what he did _best_.

What _petulance_!

"May I have a script, sir?" Raito whispered within the bespectacled-man's ear before he could speak again, a rather bright competitive gleam shining within his mocha-brown eyes.

Stifling another guffaw at the boy's natural manner of being, Quillsh quirked an eyebrow up as one of the girls lounging about handed him a worn-weather copy of the writer's manuscript. Giving Raito a small smile, he let the boy open up the book and pick the first passage that appeared in front of his eyes as the one that would be his-

"… … It's a little bit funny!"

"What?!" A girl with blonde hair and bright green eyes jumped up, taking the female role, Satine, without another thought.

"Thi-is fe-feeling inside_!_" Raito stuttered, completely in the moment. "I'm not one of those… who can, who can easily hide. Is this… is this ok? Is this what you want?"

"Oh… poetry…" The blonde giggled as she let herself fall to the floor, now moaning about rather madly. "This is what I want, naughty words!"

"I don't have much money, but boy, if I did… I'd buy you a big house where we could both live_!_" Raito glanced up at the man standing on the stage, his back now only partially visible as the young brunette realized he had managed to capture his undivided attention.

"Oh, yes, gimme more!"

Somehow, Raito had no trouble believing that this young girl had done this before.

"If I were a sculptor, but then again, no…or a man who, who makes potions with a traveling show; I know it's not much," Here, Raito looked a bit put-off by the girl's overly-enthusiastic performance of tossing herself around and wailing madly on the floor, letting it pour into his own acting, "but it's the best I can do!"

"_My gift is my song and this one's for you…_"

Looking deeply within the young women's eyes, Raito felt the notes string out of his throat on their own accord, the piano now playing behind him struggling to keep up with his slightly off-beat tempo. Slowing down, Raito took a deep breath glanced back down at the script, trying to remember as much as he could within the few spans of seconds he had.

"_You can tell everybody… that this is your song. It may be quite simple, but now that it's done- hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words how wonderful life is now that you're in the world…_"

Grabbing the girl's hand, Raito rushed her down the aisle a few steps before hauling her into his arms, still maintaining the connection from before.

"_Sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss; well some of the verses, well, they got me quite cross. But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song, and it's for people like you that keep it turned on!_"

An vibration of excitement permeated throughout the air as Raito continued to sing, the writer on stage fully coming out of the shadows as he kept his dark cerealuen gaze on the actor entrancing the audience before him.

'He's… _perfect_…'

"_So excuse me for forgetting, but these things I do-You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue! And, well the thing is, well, I really love you! Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen…_"

Twirling the girl about in a circle, Raito almost smirked as the girl almost fainted within his arms, script still discreetly open within one hand as he chanced a glance in its direction.

"_And you can tell everybody this is your song! It may be quite simple, but now that it's done… I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words… how wonderful life is now you're in the world!_"

Quillsh smirked as L felt his lips twitch in newfound agitation, the spell of the boy's performance now passed. Though the writer looked indifferent now, the establishment's proprietor had not missed the expression of amazement that had littered the man's large blue eyes as he had kept his attention fully on the child before them.

"… I suppose he'll do."

Wanting to smack the spoiled writer over the head for his nonchalant comment, but not wanting the man to change his mind either, Quillsh swerved his gaze over to the boy now coming closer to the stage, the girl from before squealing madly as the actor all but ignored her presence behind him.

"So you liked it?! I have the part of Christian, then?" Raito asked immediately, almost regretting it as soon as the smirk became visible on L's face.

"The part of Christian, I'm afraid, has already been _filled_." It seemed it took all of L's self-control not to smile malevolently as the boy's expression literally dropped from his face, eyes filled with disappointment. "But I do have a part available if you're still interested."

Not liking the way the man's face illuminated with glee, Raito still took his chance.

"And…?"

"Are you picky about the parts you play, Mr-"

"Yagami. Raito Yagami." The touchy brunette snapped as the smile settled over the writer's eyes began to glow all the more prominently. If Raito didn't know any better, he'd say the older man was getting a _kick_ out of pissing him off…

"Oh. Well, are you, Mr. Yagami?"

"I… suppose not."

"Even if I were to, hypothetically speaking, of course, grant you a… _female_ role?"

The first thought in Raito's head was a resounding 'OH HELL NO!', _however_…

"And what _role_ is that, _Mr_-"

"L Lawliet, and you would do well to remember that name." Stepping off the stage and onto the supposed aisle, directly where Raito was now standing after 'whisking' the girl behind still swooning off of her feet, L's grin seemed to become all the more jovial.

"We are, of course, still adamantly looking for our perfect 'Satine'. She, along with Christian, are the pivotal pieces to my show, and I would not let this performance run unless I believed with the utmost power that we had two people who could carry this show with all the merit it deserves." L nearly let out his laughter as the boy's face began to turn red from an eclectic mix of embarrassment and anger. "Though I now believe we may have found _her_."

'_You need the money, you need the money, you need the money, you need the money-_'

"You, sir, want me to play the starring _female _role of your impressive saga?" If Raito could have afforded it, he would have scoffed. With the way L had spoken about it, he had expected _more _of the man, really. "How… charming."

"Is that to say you refuse my offer, then?"

"_No…_ I… um…"

The whole audience filled to the brim with courtesans, actors, actresses and various other people working on the production became utterly silent as they waited for Raito's response.

"What's more important to you?" L whispered tauntingly, knowing he had the teenager right where he wanted him. "You're pride as a _man_, or your pride as an _actor_."

'Damn… well, there goes _that _decision.'

"… … When do you want me to start?"

And as soon as the words were uttered from the 19-year-old's lips, the whole auditorium was filled with cheers and screams, though to the writer and actor in the middle of it all, they could only see each other.

"This won't be easy, you know. I won't accept anything less than _100 percent_." The screenplay-writer whispered, amused.

"You don't need to worry, Mr. Lawliet." Raito whispered, smirking as the now pleased man across from him began to deflate at the words coming out of the cocky young man's mouth. "_I won't give into you_."

Turning around, Raito barely heard the man yell 'Be here tomorrow at six in the morning!' over the thunderous roar of noise and excitement bubbling within the air, or feel the intensity of his stare as he disappeared within the crowd of people surrounding him.

All Raito knew was that he had a job, and he was one step closer to finding what he had been looking for after two years of endless searching…

* * *

_It was really the first encounter of many that would solidify just what L Lawliet would come to mean to me. _

_I wish I could figure out just what it was about him that seemed to keep me fascinated, but in the end, I don't think it mattered all that much. _

_This is about our story, after all. The how's and why's aren't so important when I think about just how wonderful life was back then…_

_If only it could have lasted forever. _

* * *


	2. To Live Again

I seriously hate you all. Lol. I was honestly _serious _about leaving this to the wayside for awhile, but then you guys had to get all interested in it...

Damn it all to Hell! ;D

Anywho, here's the next chapter. Once again, I say the same; this is not top priority in my list of things to do, but if you're interested in it, let me know. I can already see other readers from my other stories coming up in arms about their 'favorite' stories not being updated, and quite frankly, I don't wish to hear it. -.-; There are always reasons for everything, young grasshoppers. ^.^; Really. I'm serious. Lol. Hope you enjoy, and don't forget... MR! is awesome.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note (duh) or the movie, Moulin Rouge! (double duh). Also, I do not own the snippets taken from movie nor the songs used within this fan-fic, all which belong to their respective screenwriters and songwriters. Booyah. Lol

* * *

Title: **_When Dreaming Ends_**

Chapter Two: _To Live Again_

* * *

_The first week had probably taken the most out of me, if truth be told. _

_Everyone had already managed to get very well acquainted with their parts by the time I had come along and grabbed up the part of Satine, and I was still barely managing to come to terms with the fact that I would be playing a person with breasts and a figure, let alone a… well, **prostitute** of all things. _

_I was not ignorant of the looks I garnered from both men and women alike, and that was **without** the addition of such frivolous decorations that were going to be hanging off of my frame. I intentionally kept myself closely withdrawn from others so as to avoid such things, but at times, it was too obvious for even **me **not to notice just how much my looks and personality seemed to affect people. Doing this would only amplify what I had attempted to smother after years of unbecoming trivialities, and I didn't know if my so-called 'pride' was worth all **that**. _

_After all, none of this was a part of my plan _at all_. _

_But I had already gotten myself involved in the mess of this so-called production, and more than anything, I wanted to prove to that _writer_ that I could do whatever I put my mind to-_

_Even dress in drag and have people trail after me dressed like a woman selling herself on a nightly basis. _

_Amazingly enough, I did not find this way of thinking the least bit strange at the time. _

_Yet even though trying to keep up with the rapid motion of the production's pace was a bit bumpy for me at first, I think I got used to it quickly enough…_

* * *

"_Raito, you need to stand over here_!"

"_No, Raito, you have to sing the song with more emotion! She's professing her love for him, not trying to keep him **away **by **boring **him to death_!_"_

"_Raito, you have to sound more… girlish when you're being swooned! Remember, he's sweeping you off your feet_! … … _Darling, I said sweeping you off of your feet, not trampling over your **toes**._"

"_Oh dear, Raito wiggle your hips a bit when you're attempting to seduce Christian_!"

"I think this would probably help if we _had _our Christian _here_…" A young dark-haired courtesan named Kiyomi muttered as the blonde Raito had performed with the day before, Misa, nodded as well.

Raito sighed as he dropped onto the stage floor and closed his eyes, the stress of just three and a half hours of steady work already getting to him, not even counting the half an hour spent arguing that he did _not_ need to start off his first week getting in tuned with his part _dressed in drag_.

The young women pushing him into the hordes of dressing rooms had seemed a bit too enthusiastic for _that_.

"Well, who wants to stand in for our dearest Christian while our Satine gets into the hang of gender-bending?!" The women giggled simultaneously as the shrilly shout made by some unknown chorus girl that Raito did not want the opportunity of encountering echoed within the auditorium, making Raito flush in embarrassment.

"_I still think he should have dressed the part…_"

"_Me too, me too!_"

"_What a cutie…_"

"_He would have been cuter as a **she**!_"

"WE STILL NEED A CHRISTIAN, YOU GUYS!" Misa began to panic unnecessarily as Kiyomi patted her on the head, shaking her head with amusement. "Raito's never gonna get any better without someone to help him get into the moment! Right? Right?!"

"Uh…" Raito groaned as patted down his now sweat-soaked white-collared shirt and dark slacks, having long before shed his vest and shoes. "Can't I just take a quick break? I never realized how taxing a woman's role in a play was before…"

"Really?!"

"… … I meant emotionally, dearest. I've realized now through this part that you are all quite _mad_." Raito sarcastically muttered as he leaned up off the floor, balancing his weight on his elbows. "I need a five minute sitting period before I can go any further."

"Is that so?" The familiar voice lacking the emotion everyone else within the theatre seemed to have in abundance echoed within the auditorium, making Raito cringe within his own skin. "And here I thought you had a work ethic. Pardon me for assuming such a thing before actually working with you first…"

Holding back his grimace, Raito got up on shaky legs and brushed his drenched bangs away from his eyes as the seemingly perpetually slouched writer made his way to the center of the stage where Raito now stood. The dirty off-white priest-collared long-sleeved shirt along with his unusually baggy denim-like dungarees hung off the man's emaciated frame as if even his _clothes _did not want to touch any part of him, his off-set wide stormy-blue eyes wrung with dark circles as he set his gaze onto the unknowingly effeminate actor set in front of him.

"If you'll excuse my saying so," Raito snapped, his cordial reserve from the week before crumbling before everyone's very eyes, "but you have yet to say a thing to me for the last week, and yet _now_ that I ask for a moment's rest, _I'm _the one without a work ethic? You haven't even put in your input as a writer of this script or director until _now_. So perhaps you should reserve your own judgment for yourself, _sir_."

L didn't seem to take any offense to Raito's voice filled with scorn and agitation, if the small smirk set on his face was any indication, but the younger man couldn't tell for sure.

"How cute," L brought up a thumb to his lips and gently nibbled on it, one of his confusing quirks that Raito had actually managed to get used to after awhile, "he's actually defending himself from the big bad writer whose work he's performing. Because _that _makes perfect sense…"

"I am only defending the amount of work I have put into my part thus far! It is not my fault that your supposed 'Christian' has neither the care nor concern to actually show up for rehearsals! I can only do so much without someone here to play off of!" Raito huffed, wiping a bit of sweat off of his cherry-stained cheeks.

"I suppose you are correct in some respects." The pasty-skinned author muttered before popping his thumb from out of his mouth and sighing to himself. "I believe that there is no other way. I shall play Christian for now until our dear narcoleptic friend is feeling a bit better."

At the confused look now inhabiting the boy's face, L held onto his cynical smile until he could no longer.

"… … Wait just one moment," Raito muttered, having read the script inside and out and not knowing whether to find this revelation appaulling or completely amusing, "Are you actually _saying _what I think you are?"

"It was a cruel twist of irony that made sure that my ideal leading man had Narcolepsy, though to tell you the truth, I was half-tempted to give him the part of the 'Narcoleptic Argentinean' once I found out about his ailment." Not wanting to laugh in front of his main employer, Raito blushed as he realized just _what_ L was suggesting-

"Are you sure-"

"I wrote this play with my own hands; I could even play _your _part if I wanted to. So… are you ready, Mr. Yagami?"

Narrowing his eyes at the challenge issued, Raito nodded stiffly.

If Raito didn't know any better, however, he would have thought that L looked just a bit _too _content with the 'burden' of having to play his companion Christian…

* * *

_Little did I know that after my first performance a week before, L had been awaiting for such a chance to be presented to him._

_For you see, when L had wrote his script, it had been with one thing in mind…_

_As a man so empty of emotion, was it really so wrong to want to feel a bit of that passion he had written about? A testament, you see, that even a man such as himself could _feel _such deep set of feeling._

_What I had not known at the time, singing as Christian and showing the light that everyone had continually had said lain within my eyes, that he had not seen the innocent young actor that everyone else had been floored by. _

_He had seen his ideal **Satine**. _

_And it was not a matter of coincidence that I would play the part he needed me to in front of his soon-to-be audience, all for him to enjoy._

* * *

"Wh-what scene shall we be playing, Mr. Lawliet?" Raito nervously plucked at a loose string hanging off the cuff of his shirt, the first five buttons now completely undone under the scorching heat of the stage lights and the light twittering of anxiety fluttering about within his stomach.

Slowly circling about the young actor completely taken off guard by his sudden silence, L kept the smile away from his face and voice as he dissected the boy limb by limb with his dark, oceanic gaze and tilted his head to the side with muted glee.

"… … I want you to sing by yourself, first. Sing whatever solo you would like as Satine first before I introduce Christian's part to you."

"But that's all I've been doing this week, other than working on my solo scenes!"

"No," L moved in closely within the boy's personal boundaries and placed his left hand on top of Raito's throat, "you have been singing as _Raito_ trying to sing _as _Satine. I need you to _become _Satine; to inhabit her like you did _Christian_ the first day you came here. Stop thinking of this as if trying to become something you _cannot_ and simply sing with the passion I know is _within you_."

"I…"

Spinning the boy around and keeping his hand just under his ribs, where his diaphragm lay, L straightened himself up from the slouch Raito had grown to become comfortable with and met the boy eye to eye as the younger of the two peaked just over his shoulder and kept the writer's gaze. "You were taught how to sing by a teacher, yes?"

"Ye-yes, of course…"

"Then put those lessons to good use, boy." Letting his chin fall onto the teenage actor's sturdy shoulder, L let his hand tighten momentarily. "Now pick a song, and sing."

After pouring over the script and memorizing all of it in just under two days, Raito searched his inner catalogue and closed his eyes, letting his mouth fall on its own accord.

'Passion…'

The one emotion Raito had been missing for so long was now the one feeling that he needed more than anything in the world.

"_I_ _follow the night… can't stand the light_."

'It's what I've been… searching for all along…'

"_When will I begin to live again_?"

Opening his eyes, Raito's molten hot-chocolate gaze scalded his fellow actors and extras who now stood enthralled, watching a small metamorphosis take place right in front of their very eyes.

"_One day I'll fly away; Leave all this to yesterday. What more could your love do for me-_" The hand still resting over his diaphragm tightened for just a moment-"_When will love be through with me?_ _Why live life from dream to dream, and dread the day when dreaming ends…_"

"_How wonderful life is now that you're in the world…_" L's breath tickled his ear as the worlds, much more melodious than he would have expected, made him shiver with an emotion he could not name.

Pulling away from the older man, Raito felt a part of him soar along with the swell of piano music now accompanying him. "_One day I'll fly away; Leave all this to yesterday. Why live life from dream to dream?_"

Only to calm himself as he held himself back for a moment, voice quieting with emotion. "_And dread the day when dreaming ends…_"

"_One day I'll fly away…_" Sitting down at the edge of the stage meeting the large pit for the orchestra that would soon be playing there along with him, Raito missed the forlorn gaze the writer behind him was following him with, seeming to see something in the boy that Raito himself could not. "_Fly, fly away..._"

Raito barely heard the thunderous applause surrounding him as he looked at the crowd through the eyes of not himself, but of the character he was now inhabiting, _Satine_…

"That's it." L muttered, letting his bare feet take him to the young actor breathing the part that he knew he had been made for. "I think you've done exactly what I believed you could, Mr. Yagami."

Blinking at the sound of his name from L's lips, Raito turned his head and gazed at the man with flustered wide eyes.

"Th-thank you, sir." Quickly standing up, Raito brushed off the dust from his pants and shakily smiled.

"You must take in her voice as your own each time you practice, or else when the show begins, you may as well be playing her part in pieces. Don't take my work lightly, and I shall not take your talent at face-value." Ignoring the look of exasperated anger taking over the younger man's face, L beckoned the actor closer to his person. "Now, let's truly begin, shall we?"

"_Uh_…"

* * *

_And boy, did he ever work me. _

_Honestly though, as I watched L play Christian, I couldn't help but as why he didn't just play the character **himself** with how much he put into his created persona's performance. It was much to how people around us kept mentioning with my own part as Satine; Raito would disappear, and his place, the person that L had created lain within his place. _

_All it took was one moment with L and a song about one's wish for freedom for me to truly see through the eyes of someone who was actually not all that different from myself. It made me wonder if **this **was what L meant about me being born to play Satine…_

_And if that was so, then was it so badly to not want anyone else play my Christian other than L himself…?_

_When I first thought this, I scoffed. _

_Why would that kind of idea enter my mind?_

_Even then, I was blind to my own wants._

* * *

"You do realize that you'll most likely have to grow your hair out, correct?"

"WHAT?!"

"… … I don't see the problem, it is already unbearably long for a young man such as yourself."

Raito grumbled as he tugged on his shoulder length locks, now past his neck and laying at the conjunction where his throat met his collarbone. "It wasn't exactly my choice. When you do not have the money necessary for a haircut, it tends to _grow _sir."

"Well, we shall use your long locks to our advantage and let them continue growing on their own accord. As we still have a good year until our first performance, I think all should be well…"

"Year?! But with the way you're working all the-"

"The construction will not be fully finished until a good month until our premiere night, and there is still some casting to finish up in terms of minor characters. And I am sure you've noticed the tiny gaps within the script, yes?"

"I didn't wish to say anything of it, thinking it was artistic liberties you were taking for the production, Mr. Lawliet."

"Well, there are still some things to be fleshed out, of course, along with a few songs I am still working on to add in within the script as time goes on." L shook his head as he thought of all the things that still needed to be completed within his 'baby'. "But that is to be done in due time. For now, I wish for you to begin ironing out your choreography for 'Sparkling Diamonds', and after we shall begin nailing down the song for that particular scene once the steps and stage work have been a bit more refined-"

Giving the man a fermented glare, Raito snapped back in offence. "I _know _the song-"

"But do you have the attitude for it, is what I wonder?" L snapped stepping off the stage and brushing off some left over crumbs no doubt from his late-afternoon snack. "You do realize what that song will entail? You may be cute, Mr. Yagami, but I doubt even _you_ could pull out a set of feminine wiles from your sack of wild cards after only a week of rehearsals. Can you?"

"… … _Maybe._" Raito mumbled, completely and utterly exhausted after a full 13 hours of rehearsal. "I'll get started on it tomorrow, _master_."

"I think I like the sound of that from Raito's lips." The older man joked as the younger man struggled to keep up with him. "_Master_… I could get used to that."

"Well, please _don't_. I don't see how you can't be as tired as I am, either. You were doing just as much work as I was; if not, _more_." Ruffling the boy's hair with an uncaring hand, and ignoring the tempered expression playing on Raito's face as he did so, L shrugged indifferently to the claim.

"When you are doing something you love, the time you put into it seems like nothing compared to the time you find yourself far and away from it." Finding the comment deep enough to be considered in all seriousness (as the playwright beside him seemed to always make frivolous comments that seemed to mean more than what they really did), Raito gave a slight smile as he opened his mouth to say something-

* * *

_Honestly, I'll never be able to tell you what it was that I had wanted to say to him._

* * *

Before he slipped on a left out prop, no doubt one of the girls doing as they rushed out for a late dinner just then being served, and nearly collapsed over his own legs rather unceremoniously.

* * *

_But it was the first spark, no doubt, that would ignite a flame within me that I would not be able to smother for a long time thereafter. _

* * *

Bracing himself for the ground below him that would be as unforgiving on his body as a whole day of constant rehearsal had been, Raito almost gasped as two thin but very strong hands grabbed onto his sides and kept him from falling down onto the hard cement floor.

Navy blue eyes caught his own fiery, but still very much muddled, gaze, bodies now closely entangled as the two men silently gulped.

"Oh… thank you…" Raito whispered against the man's neck, his legs still feeling unnaturally weary and stiff after hours of running around the stage and auditorium aisles. L let out a shaky breath against his neck, nodding stiffly in reply.

"No problem…" L mumbled against his chin, looking every bit as nervous as Raito felt. It was the first time that Raito had seen such a combination of torrid emotions overcome the usually apathetic writer, and he couldn't say it wasn't all too unwelcome.

Still intensely aware of the pair of slim hands holding onto his hips, Raito felt the distance closing in between them ever so slowly before L suddenly snapped his hands off from his body and took a careful step back. Breath finally returning to his lungs, Raito also backed away from the playwright, lips quivering with some sort of anticipation he did not understand nor want.

Yet…

'Was that…?'

* * *

_I was oblivious to a lot, but to my own emotions, I tried to stay true. _

_With just one look into his eyes the first day I had met him, I knew a part of myself had gone and killed itself in an instant, but it was that near embrace a week later that made me realize just what I was potentially gaining in the process._

_A burning sensation that one can only describe as a yearning-_

_But a yearning for **what**? _

That_ was the question I needed answered!_

_What I didn't realize was that gradually, I was giving up my heart for his in return, and the next time we were truly alone would be when I finally came to realize it. _

_I was falling into the fiery pits of the Hell we all called _love, _and I couldn't stop myself even if I had tried_.

* * *


	3. Gimme Just One Night

A.N: I try to take a break, and somehow that evolves into writing the next chapter to this story anyway and working on some other writing projects. Just don't ask. -.-;

Well, here's the next chapter with perhaps my favorite scene within MR... I have to say, picturing Raito actually performing this scene, I nearly peed my pants in laughter. It was just too much for me to handle. Hopefully, you all enjoy reading it as much as I did making it. XD

Disclaimer: I do not own the movie "Moulin Rouge!" or any of the scenes/songs used within said movie which are also used within this fan-fic. Oh, and I don't own Death Note, obviously. Did I miss anything? ... ... I should think not. ^.^;

* * *

Title: **_When Dreaming Ends_**

Chapter Three: _Gimme Just One Night_

* * *

_Hours turned into days, and days turned into weeks… _

_Soon, one whole month had rolled by, and I hadn't even noticed. _

_Everyone was fascinated by my unrelenting work ethic, which was only rivaled by L's own forthright ability to work a whole day without even taking a five minute break for his own convenience or health. If I hadn't been so taken in by my own part in his piece of work, I would have been impressed as well. _

_But, unfortunately for me, all the stress was beginning to take its toll on me physically. I bore it all with a smile, but the aches and pains I would feel later on in my tiny room within the hotel I was then situated in would cause me to cringe even in sleep, as resting did little to help heal the many internal wounds my body now endured. _

_A part of it was my devotion to perfection, yes, but I knew that another part of it was entirely much more selfish…_

_It was a pit of denial that I had set myself inside of, and there was only one way to get out. It was just too bad that I was much too pig-headed to even **think** of laying myself out there for L to see as an option._

* * *

"Alright, Raito, let's see what you can do!"

"… … I hate you all." Raito muttered out into the crowd now aptly staring up at the stage, wondering how he had managed to get so far into the production without punching somebody (anybody!) in the face.

"Aw, but don't you know, Raito?" Placing a sparkling necklace over his head whilst he wasn't looking, Misa and Kiyomi laughed as the man nearly fell on his face, waving his arms around in a flailing motion as he did so. "_Diamond's are a girl's best friend!_"

"Just ignore them, Mr. Yagami." L snapped, pushing the laughing and snorting girls off stage with barely any effort whatsoever. "You have worked very hard so far, and I simply wish to see how well you have managed to pat down both your choreography and your singing."

"And how well you're going to be able to strut your stuff as one of us, darling!"

"_Lettie!_"

"Oh, be quiet, Christie." The woman who had nearly gotten into Raito's pants (rather _forcefully _Raito might add) the first day he had arrived at Whammy's House grinned as she beckoned the young men soon to be surrounding the actor in question now gulping quite audibly on stage, and cheered. "Show us what you've got, _Satine_!"

Throwing back his now curling locks from off of his face, Raito pulled back his lengthening hair in a ponytail and nodded at the challenge. "Are you guys ready?!"

The men and women participating in the scene quickly took their places as Raito backed up towards the furthest wall away from the edge of the stage and sat down on the lowered swing before being raised up to a certain degree, dropping his head down as he took in a deep breath to calm his rapid heart rate from going through the roof and taking in his character for all that _she_ was worth.

'Seductive… I can be _seductive_…'

Though _this _type of sexual provocation was just a bit _new _to him…

"_Are you ready, Raito?_" Misa stage-whispered off from the side, where she and the rest of the 'Diamond Dogs' along with their robust 'Zidler' (who, amazingly enough, was being played by Quillsh Whammy himself) were waiting.

Giving a small smile in her direction, Raito began to jitter with excitement as the music that had been playing quietly in the background halted completely. The sudden hush over the actors and actresses surrounding him alerted him to his cue, opening his mouth as he finally opened his eyes and became, once again, _Satine_.

And the words, they fell from his lips as if they had always been his to sing…

"_The French are glad to die for love…_"

Raito felt the air grow heavy with anticipation as the people below him stared up in awe, clearly not expecting the performance he was already ready to give.

"_They delight in fighting duels…_"

Tightening his grip over the chains of the swing holding up high over the stage, the light-haired actor let his gaze fall on every single person within his vicinity for at least a millisecond before continuing on with his next line.

"_But I prefer a man who lives and gives expensive-_" Raito smirked as the lights suddenly blazed down upon him in a glorious display of strobes, and twirled around the swing in a provocative manner.

"_Jewels._"

The music then picked up immediately as the swing lowered back onto the stage full of awaiting men, Raito slowly swinging forwards and backwards as it did so.

"_A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend!_"

Spinning over the crowd of men throwing pieces of paper that was supposed to be money at him until hands began to grab the seat holding him, Raito laughed a bit before continuing on with his line.

"_A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat…_"

Jumping off the swing and spinning into the crowd of men now cheering and hollering around him, Raito flirted rather obscenely with a few of the men around him before sashaying through the hordes of extras getting a bit _too _into their parts as fans.

"_Or help you feed your pussy cat._"

"_Men grow cold, and girls grow old-_" The Diamond Dogs over on the side finally chirped alongside the grinning actor singing with them, looking every bit as amused by the display Raito was putting on with the men reaching for his… _goods_.

Bending over one of the younger men, Raito smirked as he shook his rump a bit- not expecting the physical contact to come as one of the actors actually slapped him on his behind as he did so.

"_And we all lose our charms in the end_…"

Going with the flow, Raito simply laughed it off before whooping in joy once more as two men rushed forward from the crowd and hefted him over their shoulders, grabbing a set of bejeweled bracelets a young man thrust into his face before staring at them in an intent manner. Throwing himself into the small bunches of men then holding onto his form as they ogled him, Raito continued to keep his stare on the brightly lit jewels within his hands.

"_But square-cut or pear shape, these rocks won't lose their shape; Diamonds are a girl's best friend!"_

Feeling a bit thrown off as the men then hoisted him up into the air, the already excited actor nearly keeled over before throwing his hands in the air and getting back into his part, refusing to let himself slip up so easily on his first real practice of the whole performance.

"_TIFFANY'S!_"

Allowing the men to continually keep him adrift within the air, Raito began to throw his fellow actors kisses, giving a bit of a spin as he landed back down on his feet and threw his hands out once again.

"_CARTIER!_"

Frowning almost immediately as a young boy with cherry-red cheeks thrust a bouquet of roses in his direction, Raito brushed off the flowers with a rather forceful smack that surprised even him. Throwing the young man down on his back and onto the cushion of the bodies of various actors that had been standing behind the young extra, Raito threw himself over the aspiring actor now sweating profusely underneath him and got in very closely to his face, sultry voice singing on.

"_Cause we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl._"

Doing a small provocative wriggle as he got back onto his feet, Raito blew the teen a kiss before walking away and calling out into the crowd of now very, _very_ excitable men no longer just _playing_ the roles of gentlemen looking for a good time.

"_Come and get me, boys!_"

Yelling out in glee as they thrust him back into the air, Raito closed his eyes and smiled as the men laid him onto his back with his hands and carried him towards the detachable mini-stage built especially for this part of the show, a bit elevated from the rest of the surface so that the appearance of the show within a show was a bit more believable.

Enjoying the moment while it lasted, Raito sighed a bit before yawning into his hand and opening his eyes, pointing towards the mini-stage now inhabiting a certain Quillsh Whammy.

"_Black Star, Ross Cole; Talk to me, Harry Zidler; tell me all about it_!"

"_Ha-ha!_"

"_There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer-_" Laying his hand over Quillsh's heart, Raito smiled gratuitously out into the crowd, quite sure his cheeks were radiating with a strong flush of embarrassment.

"_But diamonds are a girl's best friend!_" The Diamond Dogs and Quillsh (_or should Raito call him Zidler?_) sang out as Raito then strutted out towards the crowd of whooping men, looking every bit the seductress that he was meant to be playing.

"_There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer thinks you're..._" Bending over so that his behind was in direct view of the older man's figure, Raito once again shook his rump, this time looking a bit ashamed.

"-_Awful nice!_" Quillsh waggled his eyebrows as he played his hands as if he were fondling the younger man's backside, almost laughing out loud as Raito exaggerated a loud gasp, holding his hands over his mouth in false disgust.

Spinning around and wagging his finger in front of Quillsh's face, Raito smirked as the older man shrugged, amused. "_But you get that ice or else no dice!_"

The Diamond Dogs standing beyond the crowds of men now fighting to get a piece of the young actor sashaying just above them began to sing in the background as both Raito and Quillsh began to speak to each other, all once again in over-exaggerated 'low toned' voices.

"_He's your guy when stocks are high, but beware when they start to descend…_"

"Is the duke here, Harold?!" Raito stage-whispered over to his companion, still shaking his hips to the music in a subtle manner.

"Peach, look at him now!" The two men switched places before Quillsh huffed loudly, looking at his cue-point as if there was something truly scandalous (_which for all intents and purposes, there **was**_) going on before him.

"Where is he?!" Raito turned as he swayed his hips once more, mimicking a strip-tease for the boys now hooting rather unnecessary cat-calls in his direction.

Spinning Raito on his heel, Quillsh muttered in Raito's ear as he held his back to the space supposedly inhabiting a commotion that was not yet there. "He's the one Toulouse is shaking a hanky at!"

"_Oooo...Diamonds are a girl's best, diamonds are a girl's best, diamonds are a girl's best friend_!"

Acting as if he were a bit shocked and confused at the sight, Raito blinked before slowly squinting his eyes at the imaginary sight. "Are you sure…?"

"Let me peak." Grabbing Raito by the waist, Quillsh dipped underneath the boy's raised arm and once again howled in dismay. "That's the one, chickpea! I hope at the moment that Toulouse doesn't frighten him off…"

Both men then finished their on stage antics after a moment more of spinning around each other before pointing at each other and growling obscenely, making everyone who wasn't participating in the scene laugh outrageously at the sudden howls and rumbles. Twirls of girls then appeared on stage with them, raising their skirts as if to block the two actors from the crowd of overly-rambunctious men on stage, though still leaving a clear path of head-shots for those out over where the stage's audience was to be held as Raito pretended to change.

"Will he invest?" The boy enthusiastically asked.

"Pigeon, after spending the night with you, how can he refuse?"

"What's his type?! Wilting flower-"

Pouting rather pitifully as he wailed softly underneath his breath, Raito glanced up at Quillsh through lowered eyelashes, blinking as the pimp scoffed.

"Bright and bubbly-"

Squealing in faux-enthusiasm, Raito threw his head back as Quillsh then shook his head.

"Or smoldering temptress!"

Snarling sexily with a throaty growl to go with it, Quillsh leaned in at long last.

"… I'd say, smoldering temptress. We're all relying on you, gosling!"

"_Ole!_" Lettie yelled out from the side as the women and men on stage waited for their two prime actors to reappear.

Pulling off his jacket, Quillsh (_otherwise known as Zidler, for Christ's sake_) held onto the boy's arm.

"Remember, a real show in a real theatre, with a real audience, and you'll be-"

Raito lowered his eyes as he lost himself to the moment, feeling the longing that Satine felt at not being able to achieve her dreams quite yet…

"A _real_ actress…"

Before letting out a large grin and popping up from the circle of women around him, arms raised in the air as the patron beside him held a hand to his mouth in embarrassment, all the while lacking the clothes he had been wearing before.

"_'Cause that's when those louses go back to their spouses_!"

Letting the men carry him across stage as he sang, Raito headed towards the writer biting his lip off to the side before dropping down in front of him-

"_Diamonds... are a… girl's... best... friend…_"

Bowing in glee, Raito smiled as everyone jumped up in down and hollered in excitement, the adrenaline rush from just before still thrumming through everyone's veins. Glancing up through lowered lashes and tousled, sweaty bangs, the panting actor slowly felt his grin wilt as the writer did not look the least bit impressed.

"Well, I think that went rather well for its first put-together!" Quillsh yelled over the noise of the other actors, giving L an odd once-over. "Don't you think, L?"

"… … It was alright." The dark-haired playwright muttered before opening the script and pointing at a paragraph. "Now, I would like everyone to calm down and begin preparing for the scene before! Ladies, or should I say, _my Diamond Dogs_, let's go!"

Standing off to the side, Raito felt his face scrunch up in frustration as the writer once again brushed him off, not understanding just _why _he felt so agitated, but only knowing that at that moment, all that could have sated him was the mysterious man's full attention and a rather vulgar slap to the face-

"Raito!" Misa suddenly shouted, waving emphatically. "You were awesome!"

"Not that we didn't think you wouldn't be with all that practice!" Kiyomi added in as Christie grinned beside her.

"Even Lettie was impressed!"

"… … A bit." Lettie flipped her long dark locks off to the side, smirking impetuously at the soon to be cross-dressing boy. "You'd make a good whore if you put your mind to it, dear."

"… … … Thank you?" Raito stifled a grin as the girl's cheered at his accomplishment, looking every bit as proud of him as he wished L himself did.

'It doesn't matter, though… I proved to myself that I could do it, didn't I? What does it matter if he doesn't think anything of your own accomplishment?'

Yet…

Sighing in exasperation, the young brunette brushed off the unsettling frown that still lingered over his lips and put his focus back onto the stage and rehearsal, _where it belonged_. Not noticing the smoldering stare sent in his direction by the one person he had just been thinking about, Raito sat down and let his feet rest, if only for a couple of minutes.

'There's no use getting wrapped up in something that no one wishes for you to become a part of...' Raito huffed as he slumped within his seat. 'Right?'

* * *

_I was a fool so wrapped up in my own desires, desires I could not even iterate because I did not even know what they were in clarity myself. I was spinning myself around in circles, and everyone else was going along for the ride, because who could resist such a tempting offer to lift a beautiful boy up from his lowered spirits spouting from depression? _

_Even L saw it, though I believe he may have had an advantage over the simple fact that he knew what he wanted from very early on. _

_Those dark blue eyes had seen within me what I was not able to see in myself, and even a great performance filled with spectacular lights, great music and beautiful women would not blind him to the fact. _

_If I had known how terribly persistent L was from the beginning I'm quite sure I would have given up the part without the least bit of hesitance. But life does not work that way, my dear. _

_My hand had been dealt to me the moment L had decided I was to be his Satine, and I would have to settle with it-_

_Kicking and screaming, if need be. _

* * *

"Raito!"

The weary light-haired actor blinked as he laid his hand over the large door leading out of the bordello, ready to fall over his feet in exhaustion. Almost a month of practicing, and still L was not satisfied with his performance as Satine, nor had Raito had met this mysterious 'Christian'.

The weary light-haired actor blinked as he laid his hand over the large door leading out of the bordello, ready to fall over his feet in exhaustion. Almost a month of practicing, and still L was not satisfied with his performance as Satine, nor had Raito yet have the 'privilege' of meeting his mysterious 'Christian'.

"_Raito!_" A voice which had been beating steadily like a drum in the back of his head finally screeched directly into the teenager's unknowing ear, making him slip against the just-waxed floor in surprise. A pair of bright blue eyes widened sheepishly as the boy winced painfully, body slapped out spread-eagle against the cool tiled floor. "Sorry…"

"It's alright, Ms. Linda." Raito muttered, knowing that he was most likely going to be spending the night tossing and turning within his bed without a wink of sleep _again_. "I'm sorry if I seemed a bit out of it, for a moment. Tired and all that…"

"It's alright, Raito! L just sent me to get you before you left, and I was just so excited, because L hardly ever sends me out unless it's a _really _important errand, and I didn't want to let him down, since last time I made such a huge mess of things, and you were just so _dreamy_ that I couldn't _help myself_-"

"Linda." Raito interrupted, carefully sitting up as a he placed a hand up to steady the girl before she fainted from lack of breath. "What ever is the matter so much that L has to call on me _now _of all times? Even I have a right to rest, my dear."

"Something about you and practicing "Sparkling Diamonds"…" Linda blushed, light blue eyes contrasting greatly with her sandy-brown locks pulled back in two pigtails. "He was muttering something about it, though I couldn't really tell you what it was he was saying, Raito, because L's already so quiet, and all. I'm really, really sorry, cuz I wish I could tell you more, but I can't!"

"It's alright, Ms. Linda," Patting the young girl on the head, Raito gave the girl a comforting smile as he held out his other hand to her, "how about you show me the way to his private chambers, then?"

"Of course, Raito! _Right_ away!" Giggling at her own intentional pun (_which the young actor didn't find the least bit amusing_), Linda tugged on Raito's arm and pulled him back towards the staircase before turning down the hallway directly on the large masterpiece's right hand side. "I'm sure that L is just so pleased by your progress! I'm just absolutely sure of it!"

Not letting the young girl see the grimace he was sure was set up on his face, Raito nodded discreetly and simply followed the other's tiny footsteps as she led the way.

'Why is a part of me not too sure of that…'

* * *

_Kicking and screaming-_

_That seems about right. _

_Not a care in the world about my own concerns; that was how much L was wrapped up within his own little world. What I wanted was irrelevant, because he thought **he **knew what was best for the both of us. _

_I'm still not sure if I want to thank him for that or not. _

* * *

Linda winked over at the actor now shuffling his feet beside the large wooden door he had just entered, closing it quickly behind her. Raito blinked as he took in the plain white walls of the overly spacious room, the only pieces of real furniture within it a wooden desk and a sturdy-looking cushioned chair off to the far left side, backed up against the only window facing out into the Parisian city. A tiny and quite rickety old bed was shoved against the corner of the wall on the opposite side of the room, the gangly-limbed writer sitting upon it as he glanced up from his leather-bound journal held within his hands as he let his legs drop to the floor rather ungracefully.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Lawliet?" The boy could barely keep himself from stuttering as the man still sitting on the bed closed the notebook shut with a flick of his wrists and an audible snap from the aging paper slapping against each other rather forcefully.

"Yes, I did…" L let the book slip from his fingers as he stood up, darkening blue eyes still smudged with exhaustion and filled with emotions that Raito himself was not all that familiar with. "Your performance today-"

"Was quite good, wasn't it?!" Raito blurted out, his face now glowing with accomplishment. "I know it's a bit brash of me to say so soon, but I think with a bit of time and greasing up, it shall be a _spectacular _scene that _everyone _won't be able to stop talking about-"

"You _would _like that wouldn't you?" L muttered out loud, his eyes narrowing in the slightest of bits. "To have people speaking of you in such a way… how terribly _terrific_. Perhaps I _have_ found my perfect Satine."

"I beg your pardon, sir!"

L nearly snarled as his feet padded soundlessly against the floor, the offended look on Raito's face doing nothing to calm him down. "You were shamelessly indulgent to every man within that stage-"

"I'm playing a _courtesan_; of _course_ I was being indulgent!"

"Passing you around as if you were a piece of meat, and you didn't do a thing to suggest you were the slightest bit uncomfortable with it-"

"I was acting! Remember?! _Acting_! It's what I'm being paid to do, Mr. Lawliet!"

"I couldn't have been more _disgusted_ if I had tried-"

"This is _ridiculous_!" Raito snapped as he stood toe to toe with the enraged artist, the dark-haired writer's usually blank features enriched with emotion for the first time that the tumultuous actor could think of. "This is my _job_, Mr. Lawliet! That was your scene; your _words_! How could you honestly be upset by the fact that I managed to do so well in your play, that even _you _couldn't tell the difference between illusion and reality?!"

Finally looking more than a bit chastised as his younger counterpart fixed his hands over his hips as his bag hung over his right hand and glared right into his eyes with fiery mocha-brown orbs filled with the very passion that he knew the boy was quite capable of, L took a step back and schooled his features back into their usually cold façade.

"You don't understand, Mr. Yagami-"

"You wished for me to bring a level of 'seduction' to the part that you clearly stated that I did not have before hand, and now that I _did_, you're upset?!" The young actor nearly threw down his bag in exasperation, eyes rolling upwards in a display of resignation. "You're right, sir, I _don't _understand; not _at all_!"

Raito bit his lip as he spun around, ready to let his feet do the rest of the talking for him, not expecting it as a pale hand grabbed onto his arm and held him in place.

"Mr. Lawliet, please let go of-"

"_Raito_."

His name off of the writer's pale lips stunned him so much, his mouth simply hung open as he halted his fight against the other connoisseur's grip against his person.

"I… well, there is no good excuse for my small temper-tantrum. The production has had me under a tight string, and I suppose you can say that I overreacted over something non-existent. I meant to call you in here to tell you about how much you have been improving, and how well you are managing to capture the spirit of my character, but I was caught up in something else and unleashed my anger on you rather cruelly. You did not deserve that, and…" Knowing that an apology lay over the other man's lips, Raito felt the other man's grasp slacken as it pulled him forward and led him towards the bed L himself had just been sitting upon. Still not saying a word (_though Raito had to wonder if it was because he didn't know what to say, if he just didn't have the **ability **to speak…_), the younger man sat down and gazed up at the writer, noticing just how frail-looking and exhausted he was in appearance. "I am…"

"_Sorry_?" Raito finished for him, smiling a bit at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Yes," L muttered distastefully, obviously not one to apologize for his behavior very often, "that. Very much so."

"Well, that's all well and good, but if that'll be all, I really have to get some rest myself, Mr. Lawliet." Raito made to stand up before a hand held him back rather forcefully, dark blue eyes now blurring over with sleepiness.

"Please… just…"

Still holding onto Raito's hand, L swayed a bit before keeling over and dropping straight into the boy's lap head first. Coughing as he leaned up and not taking any concern in Raito's incredibly red face and wide-eyed stupor, L tiredly blinked against the boy's warm half-hearted embrace.

Mouth swinging open, the nearly dead-off-his-feet brunette threw the playwright off of his person, but stopped himself as the one word he did not expect to hear flew out of L's mouth.

"_Stay_?"

"Well, you-you see, I have to, and you're, um, that is, you're very… and, I guess I… uh… can stay just… until you fall asleep, I suppose?" Raito quietly mumbled, cutting off his own self-conscious smile at the cute display of exhaustion his proprietor was giving him at the moment before it could even form. "Will th-that be alright, Mr. Lawl-Mr. Lawliet!"

Raito squeaked, the burning feeling of his cheeks flushing against his will as the older man's head dropped heavily onto his thighs igniting his embarrassment once again, not knowing what to do about the now deeply unconscious writer settled over his lap. Letting out a small breath of exhalation, the boy simply sat back and ran his warm, thin fingers through the other man's shaggy dark locks in a comforting motion.

'You're just as adorable as you are stubborn, Monsieur…'

"Oh dear…" Raito muttered, feeling his head thrum with the beginnings of a migraine.

'But I shouldn't be thinking something like that about my very _male_ employer, should I?'

"_One day I'll fly away…_" Raito suddenly sang to himself, his smooth tenor rising a bit in pitch to adjust to the low alto the part actually required. Shaking his head in exasperation, it was then that the actor realized that he was, for once, trapped, even if by his own accord. "_Leave all this to yesterday…_"

"Ra… Raito…" The man mumbled, curling his hand against the rumpled fabric of the actor's shirt and brushing against smooth skin now warming at the simple action.

'Why can't I leave you alone…?'

Glancing down at the pale face now smooth with sleep, Raito nearly smacked himself in the face as he was finally able to pin a name to the strange emotion that seemed to linger within him whenever he was with the writer who seemed to hate the world along with everyone within it.

"_Why live life from dream to dream…?_"

A lone tear trailed down Raito's face as he leaned back and closed his eyes, the dim light covering the two men in a blanket of false warmth.

"_And dread the day when dreaming ends…_"

* * *

_I couldn't tell him. _

_That was one thing I was positive about when I finally admitted to myself just what I had been hiding for nearly a month and some days of working within Whammy's House. It was what my father had warned me about when I had left my former homeland of Japan, still new to the world and its dealings._

_I should've known better…_

**_He_**_ should've known better!_

_Because really, who would truly want to fall in love with someone who could not express such emotion freely for the world to see? We were both men, he a soon-to-be famous writer, and I a hopeful actor wanting more than to just be labeled potential lost within the masses of other struggling players within this much larger game. _

_We could not **afford **to love each other, really. _

_Yet I didn't know that love once felt could not be stopped, not even by the very people who felt such ferocious emotion. _

_And this, my friends, is where my struggle _truly _began…_

* * *


	4. Dumb with Wonderment

A.N: OMG, These chapters are getting longer and longer! Why, dear God, WHY?! I wanted short sweet little chappies with entertaining qualities to them, not crazy long chapters filled with... _this_. Lol. Writing this chappie was amusing to me, though. And alas! We are finally confronted with both our villain and a plot! *Le gasp* Impossible! How could this _be_...?

Eh. I'm ok with that. Lol. Enjoy this decadent display of imaginative choreograpy and written song that you can't actually hear unless you're watching the movie or listening to the soundtrack at the same time! I promise it will be... _Spectacular, Spectacular_! XD *Totally channeling Zidler*

Also, about my choice in characters, it will become increasingly apparent that I am using OC's (duh) and canon DN characters in various places, making you wonder why all these Japanese people are hanging about in Paris in the early 1900's. There is a reason for this. Trust me, and you shall understand by the end of the story. ^.^

Well, enough talk; let's get on with the show!

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Chapter Four: _Dumb with Wonderment_

* * *

_If I had thought the night before had been completely and utterly exhausting, the morning after was certainly going to take to the pill-_

_After all, a night well spent usually preceded a morning you would most certainly regret._

_That's what I told myself later on, anyway._

_The dreams I had that night passed me by in a blur and the darkness within my mind was comforting for once instead of oppressing. Really, I was just grateful for the night's worth of rest I was able to have before having to repeat the same routine tomorrow- _

_Such was the life of an agitated actor on the verge of a nervous breakdown. _

_But all that was just the calm before the storm, I suppose. _

_Waking up would bring an entirety of problems that even a person such as myself would come to dread in the waking hours…_

* * *

For young Raito, waking up, just like every other prospect within his life, was a _process._

First would come the feeling of tingly awareness from his limber digits usually lying by the wayside that would make them twitch with life. Milliseconds after the tiny movements would cease, a surge of cold, if comforting, alertness would, without warning, ring itself into a tidal wave of pure sensation that would creep up to his wrists, forearms and all the way to his shoulders, just as his toes would then squish against the material laying under them and the same feeling of euphoric restfulness that had consumed his lengthy arms would overcome his legs and lower torso as well.

His mind, obviously, would already be whirling with the remnants of dreams that he remembered with startling clarity and his lips would slip open just a bit as a tiny sigh would it escape the willowy orifice. Slowly, as if to savor the whole process instead of just getting it done and over with, glowing honey-brown eyes would flutter open just before shifting in his tiny bed and giving his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the delightful rays of light pouring over the open-curtained window just in front of his still-prone form.

Today, however, there seemed to be a slight hitch in his procedure…

Eyes immediately popped open as the usual glow of warm illumination was not felt on his warming body and indents of cold fingers that did not belong to his body were tautly wrapped around his hips, and long limbs wrapped around his own. A furry tuft of shaggy dark hair tickled his chin as he glanced down, the feel of breath and the caress of another's flesh met his neck and almost bare shoulders, having not put on his usual white collar-shirt back on after practice in lieu of his undershirt and suspenders.

'Now how do you get yourself out of _this _situation, Mr. Yagami…?'

Glancing around the still very dark room, Raito could only admit that he had _nothing_.

"You should calm down…" Raito stiffened even further as the older man settled against him ran a hand down his side, not noticing the sudden movement until the voice accompanying the svelte figure beside him echoed against his ears. "Despite what Raito thinks, I do not bite-"

The boy felt the blush creep onto his face as his winced, wondering when he was ever going to get a break…

"Unless asked to."

And there and then decided that no, he was most likely _never _going to be able to just _relax_, especially not in the presence of one L Lawliet_._

Gently moving onto his side, Raito felt the long pair of arms that had been wrapped around his slim waist and arm fall back onto the mattress, dark blue eyes emanating with a warmth that the teenager had not seen up into that point. Taking in a deep breath (_and attempting to stifle down the wave of affection he felt at the adorable face being made over at him_), the young actor attempted at a smile as he slipped off of the surprisingly pure white sheets and straightened out his now sleep-rumpled clothes.

"It's… it's very dark in here! I can barely see my own fingers with how little light there actually is!" Raito sputtered out, mentally capping himself over the head as the playwright glanced over at the rusty clock mounted next to the desk behind him (_something Raito had not noticed in his quick perusal the night before_) and nodded. There was just enough light pouring out of the window to be able to notice such things, the marking of dawn barely peeking over the still dark streams of twilight-laden sky enflaming the Parisian city a lovely shade of mauve-red. "Are you… are you feeling better, Mr. Lawliet?"

Shifting himself up from his position on the bed, L blinked as the boy then knelt forward, all self-consciousness disappearing from his oak-brown eyes. A small beam of unfettered light hit the teenage actor's anchored figure at an angle, illuminating his light-brown gaze into a much deeper burgundy color.

"I…" Out of the corner of his peripheral vision, Raito could see the man's fingers clench against the fabric of his tussled sheets, turning a bright red color from the exertion seeming to pour out from underneath their tightened grip. "I am fine. I suppose another apology is necessary for my behaviour last stress of the play and other things beyond either of our control begot the best of me, I would like to think. Sometimes, losing control of your own actions helps, even in the most meager of ways."

"You said beyond either of our control," Raito suddenly blurted out, his mouth once again getting the best of him as L continued to look up at him with those unfathomable eyes. "What's been distressing you sir, if you don't mind my asking?"

"… It's nothing for you to worry your pretty head over, Mr. Yagami." L smirked as the boy then straightened himself up and huffed, not realizing just how effeminate he looked as he sulked. "I do suppose you should probably head back over to your hotel and rest for the little while we have until rehearsals. Six o'clock on the dot as always."

"But it's three o'clock in the morning! If I go back to bed now, I'll probably miss the first half of rehearsal!"

"That, Mr. Yagami, is your problem, then." L felt the smirk lying over his lips widen vindictively as the boy's sulk then turned into something slightly more volatile. "Though no matter what you choose to do between now and when you return, I expect you to be prompt and on time for practice, as usual."

Watching the older man settle back into the body-warmed sheets they had both been inhabiting just moments before, Raito felt the rebuttal he wished to say die on his lips and bit his tongue before he could say something he was sure he would come to regret.

The sleep-heavy brunette sighed as L then brushed him off with a cold glance over his shoulder and turned to leave the dimly-lit room, unaware of the chilling pair of cool blue eyes softening as his figure disappeared behind the cherry-wood door of the writer's room.

Hoping that the older man had not caught wind of his strawberry-red cheeks, Raito pulled at his night-worn clothes with a distasteful sneer of his lips.

'Now I have to go run myself a bath and hope I'm not _too _late for rehearsals later on…'

Though with the way things were going, Raito didn't have much hope of regaining that feeling of elation that had been teetering within his exhausted-laden form just fifteen minutes earlier.

* * *

_Still, we played the game to a tee, and all those half-hearted caresses and tightened grips made within the land of the unconscious were quickly forgotten for better or for worse. _

_Sooner or later, the game was going to dissipate, however, and I would soon be surprised that it would be neither my nor L's own hand that would be the deciding factor on whether or not our emotions would stay hidden away, never to see the light of day. _

_Though the first day we met, I should have known that it was never my decision that counted. _

_It was like I spoke of earlier; L would do things his way, whether I agreed with them or not. _

_My own wishes, no matter if they were __**truly**__ my own to speak of, were always ignored in his eyes._

_A week passed with an awkward tension descending itself over L and I, his normally cold visage peeling over at the most unconvenient of times and making my blood boil with a heat that I did not think was imaginable. _

_But **burn** I did…_

_And a part of me likes to think that he did as well. _

_That is, until the day came where even my own cries of negativity were put at an end and the dam holding back our emotions was finally burst open with just a simple donning of a dress and the arrival of an aristocrat._

* * *

Blushing as he fixed his usual vest over his shirt, Raito ignored the scalding heat within the writer's habitually cold gaze and dropped his satchel on one of the audience seats and waved over at the girls now excitedly crowing with delight upon the stage.

"RAITO!" Misa, the youngest and most excitable of the four girls, nearly fell of the elevated stage and landed within the orchestra's pit before Kiyomi grabbed the back of her dress and pulled her back into place. "Heh heh… thanks Kiyomi!"

"… Whatever, ditz." The young woman smirked as Misa pouted, blonde hair falling over her eyes in a caustic disarray.

"Hey!"

"Hey there, dearest!" Lettie snickered behind her hand as Christie rolled her eyes and gave the boy a sympathetic stare.

Raito immediately felt a cold sweat settle over the back of his neck, light brown eyes widening in fear.

"Uh…"

"So," Lettie pushed past her kinder counterpart and strolled by the two courtesans settled closer to each other than "Today… is _the _day, Raito-honey!"

"… … LOOK AT THE TIME!" Raito suddenly screeched, spinning around to run out of the theater with at least a part of his manly-pride intact before a pair of large hands held him in place. "Oh, how it flies. I better get going. I didn't eat any breakfast, you know. Trying to get here and there… won't you listen to my stomach… grumble… please…?"

Gulping as their 'Narcoleptic Argentinean', also known as Shuichi Aizawa, grabbed him from behind and hefted him right off the ground, Raito then began would he would later come to describe as his 'bitch-fit' of the year-

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS! THIS IS CONSIDERED TORTURE IN MOST COUNTRIES!"

"Really?" Misa whispered to Kiyomi, who simply shrugged in return.

"For all _we_ know…"

"STOP BEING SUCH A PRICK, RAITO!" Aizawa bellowed, now having trouble trying to keep the normally placid boy within his hold as he managed to kick out of his bear-hug and away from the pandemonium now surrounding him.

"YEAH!"

"Come now, Raito dear," Christie attempted to be the never-ending voice of reason as Lettie began to cheer Aizawa on, the man's large afro the only distinguishable 'object' within the ensuing scuffle between both men, "you knew it was going to come to this eventually! Putting up a fuss is just delaying the inevitable."

"IT DOESN'T MEAN THE '_INEVITABLE'_ HAS TO BE _NOW_!"

"If not now, when?! If it was up to you, you wouldn't do it _at all_." Kiyomi shouted out, trying to be heard as the shouting people surrounding the two actors began to escalate in noise as well as population. "We just want to see how you'll look dressed as your character, for goodness sakes!"

"Yeah, we already now how good you can _act _dear, but now we need to know how well you can _act _completely delved into your little _role_ honeybunch!" Lettie just about fell over in laughter, making Christie scowl in impatience.

"Lettie, you are not helping!"

"… … Didn't say I was going to!"

"NOW THAT IS _ENOUGH _AIZAWA!"

"I'M SORRY, RAITO, BUT YOU'RE GIVING ME NO OTHER CHOICE-"

"YOU CAN _CHOOSE_ TO GET YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM MY _LEGS_!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU GET INTO THAT DRESSING ROOM!"

"_**NEVER**_!"

"Oh dear…" Misa muttered, putting both hands over her face so as to shield herself from the stomping man with the glowering visage coming their way. "All of you, stop, it's-"

"**WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS GOING ON IN HERE?!**"

"Mr. Lawliet." The girl mumbled uselessly as everyone within the room stalled with what they were doing, the two men grappling on the floor glancing up at the furious writer standing over them with frighteningly narrow deep blue eyes.

"Mr. Aizawa, if you would kindly unwrap yourself from Mr. Yagami's form, I would be most appreciative."

"Of course, sir!" Aizawa quickly complied, barely showing an ounce of hesitation as Raito was then fully dropped onto the floor with a hurtful thud.

"May I have a word, Mr. Yagami?" L gave the men and women now shamefully gathered about a scathing glare. "Don't all of you have something else to be preparing for?"

The crowd scattered just as quickly as it had formed, leaving the young man still sprawled out on the floor to once again flush wildly under the hardened gaze of his employer.

"Uh… yes, sir?"

"Do get up, Mr. Yagami. You've already shamed yourself enough as it is."

Keeping in another cruel comment to himself (_he still would like to keep his job, thanks very much_), Raito pushed himself off of the cement floor and followed his boiling companion, knowing that what a near mob could not do, the writer beside him could accomplish without even havingto raise his voice.

"You're going to make me do it, aren't you?" Raito squeaked, feeling all but comfortable with the man beside him.

L said nothing at all, making sure the boy did not catch the large smile now hanging off his lips or the new spring within his step.

Though the bad feeling creeping within Raito's stomach seemed to say it all…

* * *

_You see, my dear friend, L was indeed a master conspirator. Not in the most obvious of ways, of course, though with the seedy way he set himself up at times, any person looking for a clue could see it as clear as day. _

_If not for how preoccupied I was by my own mortification, I would have said something about it. _

_Fortunately for him, it was all too easy to transform my humiliation into begrudging cooperation. _

* * *

"I'm not going out like this."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Mr. Yagami, we finally have managed to procure our Christian and most of our cast is in play, and now that I have you under costume, I must say that you are in no position to tell me that you are not going to present yourself to our crowd because you are a tad self-conscious." Knowing that boy's unerring source of curiosity was now piqued at the chance to finally meet his counterpart lead, L sat down and stared at the door in front of him, itching to finally be able to see his dear Satine in all 'her' glory.

"I am not self-conscious!" Came the muffled snap through the heavy door, the boy's pride obviously hit in just the right place. "It's… it's just… how could I possibly look good like this! I'm a man, for the love of God! This just won't work, Mr. Lawliet! Not in the least!"

"Why don't you step out, and I shall give my honest opinion on your appearance before you are to meet any other of our cast members."

"… … … Really?" Not liking how small the boy's voice then sounded, L unconsciously frowned as he pulled his legs up and picked at his rumpled dungarees. "You promise to give me your _honest _opinion, no matter what?"

"Of course." Giving himself a pat on the back for the steadiness of his reply, L quite literally turned his frown upside down.

The door then quietly opened, revealing a sliver of space for L to peek into. A long-fingered hand appeared over the rim of the door's edge, slowly but surely pushing it open as L felt his mouth automatically drop at the sight before him.

A long dark see-through robe hung over the boy's slim figure, a tight black corset with a bit of added' bust' and lingerie panties hugging his figure so that his hips stood out a bit more prominently under the lengthy fabric made of lace. Long legs which seemed to last an eternity and more were covered in see-through off-black thigh-high stockings, a pair of sky-high heels encrusted in clear rhinestones completing the look as L blinked once more.

Letting his eyes land back on the actor's face, L was once again surprised, tiny smudges of eye-shadow and eyeliner painted along the boy's face as a splash of crimson-red lipstick enhanced the fullness of the boy's lips. His hair, quite lengthy after a six weeks of further growth, gave the skin around his face a soft glow, the deep honey-brown shade of his growing locks shining like a golden halo.

"Mr. Lawliet…?" Raito peered over at the man through flutters of long eyelashes, the slight rouge on his cheeks shone all the more brightly by the brightening flush of the skin underneath it. "… … _L_?"

"Raito-" The older man almost fell off of his seat as he stared over at the man-turned-woman in front of him, and attempted to close his mouth before it dropped onto the floor alongside him. "I…"

"Well?" Raito wrung his hands around the light material covering his body. "Is it alright? Do I look presentable as a… _lady_?"

"Yes… quite presentable indeed." L muttered, making the actor flush a deeper red than usual. "How can you possibly feel even the slightest bit self-conscious when you look…?"

"Look like what?" Raito blinked obliviously before shrugging. "If you say it's alright, then I guess it doesn't matter. As long as I pass, I have no particular qualms about going out and about like, well _this_."

"Of course." Keeping his mouth shut before he could say anything he would regret, L took the teen's hand into his hand and dragged him out of the dressing room and back into the main grand hall of the brothel. "You shall finally be meeting all of our lead actors, and the people you shall be working with the most, including our dearest Christian."

"So, I won't be rehearsing with you as a stand-in anymore?"

"I wouldn't go that far, as his ailment does make it quite difficult to proceed. But for the most part, yes."

"But what about your play?" Raito suddenly asked, eyes shining as L continued to drag him into the auditorium. "What if he becomes ill and you lose your Christian? What will you do then?"

"We'll cross that bridge if we ever get to it. For now, smile and prepare to amaze all those people in that room just as you did me."

Opening the door leading to the auditorium, even Raito was not prepared for the sudden hush that would greet him as he entered the room, his mocha-brown eyes widening as he took careful steps within the heels he would later unaffectionately refer to as 'death-traps'.

"Oh… My… God…" Lettie finally chocked as the silence within the room became too much bear, his green eyes as wide as sand-dollars. "You look…"

"LIKE A WOMAN!" Misa suddenly blurted out before covering her mouth with her hands, making Kiyomi gasp out loud in tremulous hysterical laughter.

"Uh… thank… you?" The teen self-consciously muttered just as the door behind him slammed open, a huffing young man with dark hair and a creamy-white complexion barging in on swift speedy legs.

"OH DEAR LORD, I'M NOT LATE, AM I MR. LAWLIET?!"

"Ah! Matsuda, how wonderful to see you!" L twirled the actor-turned-actress around as he pointed at the man still gasping for breath before almost dropping onto the ground in exhaustion. "_This_, my dear Satine… is the one I've chosen to play as our Christian."

The young man, who didn't seem to be all that much older than Raito himself, scratched the back of his head as he laughed uncomfortably before the actor-turned-actress. L pushed him forward and smirked, as per usual.

"His name is Touta Matsuda. Make sure to be nice to him while we're practicing, Mr. Yagami. I know it takes a lot of effort on your part, most days."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Lawliet." Raito rolled his eyes as he tried to forget about his state of undress and held out his hand, smiling unsteadily as Matsuda averted his gaze from his face and shook his hand with fumbling shakes. "It's very nice to finally meet you, Mr. Matsuda. I hope this won't be too troubling for you…"

"Are you kidding?" The man suddenly let out an excitable whoop of joy, making the younger of the two jump up in fright. "Just look at you… if I wasn't informed before hand, I wouldn't even think that you… I mean, even despite that, you're gorgeous."

Raito chuckled, feeling a bit flattered under the stomped vestiges of his pride and dignity.

"Thank you."

'Well, that clears up _that _dilemma…'

Yet, the semblance of calm was not to be kept that day.

At least not where the door was concerned, anyway.

"L! I have a bone to pick with you!" A disgruntled man with thin-lens glasses and a rather effeminate snarl barged within the auditorium with a large snap of the heavy double doors, dark hair flying as he strolled into the brothel-house as if he owned it. "With all my money you're wasting on this damn play, a few minutes of your time shouldn't be all that difficult to come by!"

"Of course, Mr. Mikami." L managed to droll out, now looking every bit as bored as usual. "What can I do for you today?"

"May we speak in _private, _please?" The bespectacled man pressed down the wrinkles now hanging off of his clothes and sniffed rather indignantly.

"Of course. Raito-" Mikami glanced over at the young boy dressed in woman's clothing just as L addressed him and stiffened at the sight before him. "I think it would be in our best interests if we held off on rehearsals until I am done speaking with Mr. Mikami here-"

"_Raito_ you say…" Quick to the uptake, Mikami gave the boy a small smile, erasing his rather irritable demeanor in an instant. "What a lovely name, ma'am!"

"U-Uh…"

"_She_ is quite pleased to make our proprietor's acquaintance!" Aizawa quickly nudged in, not noticing the heavy scowl set over L's face or the embarrassed glow now enveloping Raito's cheeks. "Why don't you stay for our first rehearsal as a group, sir?! I'm sure Miss. Yagami would so enjoy it if you were to witness our premiere performance together."

"Tha-that's quite alright! I'm sure Mr. Mikami has quite a lot he has to do, on top of whatever he needs to discuss with Mr. Lawli-"

"Nonsense! I would love to stay! Mr. Lawliet, continue on."

L grit his teeth as Mikami sat down, giving the boy/girl in front of him a speculative glance of appraisal. "We _are _still missing someone however…"

* * *

_Oh the mortification I felt at that moment was unrivaled. _

_I could already tell the man held me in high regard by his devilish stare and quirking lips, but I had to wonder if he would look at me the same way if he knew that this 'she' was actually a **he**. _

_But that was not even the _worst _part, my dear friend. _

_In that small moment of time, I had not realized that another part of L had been re-awakened by Aizawa's incredibly stupid move and Mikami's all too disturbing countenance. _

_If my appearance had given him life, Teru Mikami's perusal of me had burned within him the __**other **__set of emotions that he had hoped to avoid, which were now burning through his veins in a fiery explosion of bursting blood vessels and agitated twitches…_

_If only I had noticed early on just how much the anger within him boiled at the sight of his employer ogling me did. I would have done all I could to assuage such an emotion-_

_But alas, I was still deep within my own avoidance of such a subject, and so was he. _

_How much time did we waste, L, in those trivial games of denial and pride?_

_Too much, it now seems…_

* * *

"Sorry I'm late, Mr. Lawliet!" A man with slicked back hair and a ragged suit laughed as he ran towards the stage, checking out every scantily-dressed woman's figure as he did so.

"It's quite alright Mr. Higuchi. Though it is a bit difficult to begin without our _duke_…"

"I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Ugh… everyone please take your places!"

Raito attempted to stifle down his blush as the proprietor beside the writer continued to stare at him with steaming eyes behind his thin bifocals, feeling even more uncomfortable around this man than he did around L himself.

The tension he felt with the writer was addicting, making him want to drown in the anticipation of whatever it was that floated around him. Though with the apparently 'prestigious' lawyer, he felt nothing but trepid anxiety filling his lungs, making him want to gag uncomfortably.

Pulling the flowing robe closer to his person, knowing it did little to cover his svelte frame, yet feeling a bit better for it, Raito flushed an even darker burgundy and let his smooth auburn locks cover his face spectacularly.

"We will begin with the scene leading to the pitch and go from there," L calmly stated as Raito rushed to the stage, "Now please pull the curtain so that we may use it later on for the song!"

"Right-o!" Watari jumped out of his self-imposed hiding place and hurried to the stage, startling the actor with the speed of his stride. "I shall begin now if everyone is ready!"

Matsuda and Raito nodded as Aizawa gave a thumbs-up, a lean bald-headed man beside him named simply Mr. Hector also nodded as a bearded elderly man whom no one really spoke to leaned against his shoulder and sleepily blinked.

"Huh?"

"We're ready when you are!" An incredibly short man with a sharp mustache named Martine jumped up as he waved his arms in an excited manner, dark eyes wide with joy.

"Begin whenever you would like, Watari…" L smiled as the older man then coughed, and everyone set themselves up in character, waiting for the words that would then signal their coming alive-

"It's an erotic spectacular scene that captures the thrusting, violent, vibrant, wild bohemian spirit that this whole production embodies, duke!" Watari began robustly, wedging himself up to Higuchi for a close-encounter he would never forget.

"What do you mean by that?" Higuchi asked quietly, twirling his fake mustache with an index finger.

Blinking back his admonishment, Watari didn't miss a beat. "The show will be a magnificent, opulent, tremendous, stupendous, gargantuan bedazzlement! A sensual ravishment-"

"_It will be…_"

Twirling around Higuchi, Watari smiled as he peeked over his shoulder and the balding man just to his left ran over the piano and began the opening strums of music for their scene.

"_Spectacular, Spectacular! No words in the vernacular…_"

"_Can describe this great event-_" Spinning around the duke once more in a dazzling display of veracity, Watari smiled as he leaned forward and nearly threw the man back. "_You'll be dumb with wonderment…_"

"_Returns are fixed at ten percent; you must agree, that's excellent!_" Backing away until the crowd of actors swarmed over him, the other voices along the stage began to join in on the act.

"_And on top of your fee you'll be involved ar-tis-tic-ally…_"

"_So exciting; the_ _audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!_" Jiggling forward once again, Higuchi began to look the slightest bit frightened as the mob of actors basically hoped into his face. "_So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!_"

"_Elephants_!" Martine threw his hands forward around his stomach, imitating the rotund animal.

"_Arabians_!" Cried the eldest of the lot as he sat down on a pillowed assortment of rugs, quickly grabbing an opium pipe that lay just beside him and setting it to his lips in a coy fashion.

"_Indians_!" Watari bellowed as he swayed sensually.

"_And_ _courtesans_!" Raito smirked seductively as he gave a rather erotic pose.

"_Acrobats-_" Mr. Hector sang shrilly as he swung about on a lowered chandelier.

"_And juggling bears_!" Aizawa juggled some oranges before almost tripping on the fruit, almost yelling out his line.

"_Exotic girls! Fire eaters!_" Gathering together once again, the six men then began their choreographed section as Higuchi plopped down on a chair and blinked in overwhelmed astonishment. "_Muscle Men! Contortionists! Intrigue, danger, and romance! Electric lights, machinery powered with electricity!_"

"_So exciting; the_ _audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!_" Running around the man still sitting in the chair for a moment, the group of actors then twirled around before giving themselves some space and kneeling on the floor. "_So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!_"

"_Spectacular, Spectacular! No words in the vernacular can describe this great event_-" Backing up on their knees, Raito almost chuckled as all of them almost back-pedaled off of the stage rather comically.

Pointing at the man still sitting down, the music began to swell along with their movements.

"_You'll be dumb with wonderment!_"

Jumping back up from their knees, the men grabbed various props before dancing against each other in a silly fashion.

"_The hills are alive with the sound of music…_"

"_So exciting; the_ _audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!_" Rushing over to the red-faced actor still sitting within his chair in shock, the mob of men suddenly grabbed the legs of his chair and propped him up. "_So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years!_"

After putting him down, all six men settled right in front of their 'duke' in an illustrated pose before grinning in accomplishment.

"Yes, but what happens in the end…?" Higuchi asked without hesitation, stars still swirling around his eyes.

Glancing around, the group wasted little to no time before breaking away from their poses and grabbing various items before ripping down the curtain that had just been up moments before and delving inside it.

Matsuda, being the only person who had not dove inside other than Higuchi, cleared his throat before starting up again. Pulling down the large winding cord beside him, the curtain pulled apart to show Raito and Aizawa embracing each other in an over-exaggerated display of affection.

"_The_ _courtesan and sitar man are pulled apart by an evil plan_..." Watching the two actors play out the scene, Matsuda swung aside and kept his gaze on the 'duke'.

"_But in the end she hears his song_..." Raito sang out before tearing away from Aizawa and placing a hand delicately over his head.

"_And their love is just too strong._" Pushing up against the pretend Argentinean in a show of fondness, Raito secretly chanced a glance at Matsuda, who gave him a stare of longing in return.

"_It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside_..." Higuchi sang out, smirking creepily over at Raito.

Breaking up for just a moment, the men joined arms before beginning their refrain once again and imitating the can-can.

"_So_ _exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting, it will run for 50 years_--!"

"_The sitar player's secret song helps them flee the evil one..." _Placing themselves back into their positions, Matsuda continued to sing just as Watari appeared over his shoulder with a fake blade. _"Though the tyrant rants and rails, it is all to no avail!_"

"I am the evil maharajah! You will not escape!"

Raito propped himself up as he grinned over at Watari, admiration set clear within his eyes. "Oh Harold, no one could play him like you could!"

"No one's going to!" Watari stated, not appearing the least bit ashamed about the fact.

"_So_ _exciting, we'll make them laugh, we'll make them cry! So delighting--_!"

"And in the end should someone die?" Higuchi asked delightfully, the short mustached man giving him a disgusted look beside him as the group of actors still in front of him gave the duke varying sets of peculiar stares of bewilderment.

"_So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer!_" Running about in set of their semi-grand finale, all rushed to Higuchi in a blaze of hands and grins, just as a pop of confetti and slam of a door ended their musical number."_So delighting it will run for 50 years...!_"

Staring at everyone in a rather apathetic manner, Higuchi seemed to surprise everyone with his next words-

"Well, generally, I like it!"

Everyone within the audience cheered and raved as the actors on stage bowed, sweat now pouring down their faces. Raito laughed as Aizawa just about hefted him up over his shoulder and waved at his crowd within the auditorium.

Two sets of eyes followed his thin figure with lustful eyes, yet one seemed to carry a slightly obsessive quality to them that would have scared the boy senseless had he had known any better.

Yet the laughter pouring from his lips and the adrenaline-high from a performance well-done blinded the teenager to such shady activity as he was set down and prepared to continue on practicing with the scene so as to become a bit more well-equipped with the choreography and singing.

"Let's do it again!"

* * *

_And we did. _

_We all became well acquainted with each other, and became all the closer with the rehearsal of the 'pitch'. Though we fought through the occasion faint on dear Matsuda's part, we managed to get through the day with little trivial arguments or uncomfortable feelings on any of the other actor's parts in according to my playing a female courtesan. _

_In fact, I'm sure they didn't care in the __**least**__. _

_I had to admit, however, that I missed practicing with L. At least then I could pretend he was saying those beautiful words to me, and that I was truly the object of his affection. _

_In the back of my mind, I was growing a bit more despondent upon the fact that unless Matsuda became gravely ill again or became unconscious for an incredibly lengthy period of time, I would quite probably never feel those arms wrap around me ever again. _

_Oh, what little I truly knew at the time…_

* * *

"Wow! That certainly was amazing!" Raito grinned over at the writer, finally rid of all the make-up and woman's clothing after another long day of practice. "I didn't think I would have so much fun, but I did. And it's all thanks to you, really."

The place was empty of the normally large crowd that inhabited it during the day, the only ones there now the leading 'lady' and the play's writer/director.

"Thank you for giving me the courage to go out there. Even if you had to pull me out of the room with force, I'm still kind of glad you did." The boy continued, his pristine white shirt standing out against the dark unlit scenery around them. "I owe you a lot, Mr. Lawliet. Not many people would do what you're doing."

"It's alright, Mr. Yagami. I'm only doing my job, after all."

"But it feels li-like more than that!" Grabbing the man's hand without even actually realizing it, Raito held it to his chest. "You are a stubborn old mule, but I don't think any of this would be running about as it is without you being the way you are. I appreciate that! Not many people would go that far for their own dreams…"

Pulling his hand away from the delicate grip, L smiled as the younger boy flushed, the blush becoming an almost permanent attachment to his face.

"Raito," Once again, the startled brunette could only gulp as his name left the older man's mouth, "you have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you."

Before Raito could even try to turn away, L then grabbed his face with both hands and pushed their bodies as closely together as possible, all gaps between them enclosed by the other's presence.

"Um… I…" Stumbling within his sentences, Raito attempted to ease his pounding heart. "That's to say… you're welcome?"

"You're too adorable for your own good, Raito. And quite literally, I think your own naivety has been my downfall."

Raito gasped as the man then crushed him within his embrace, before a set of lips smashed against his own, shocking him into an unexpected silence.

Wide and quite muddled brown eyes stared at the pale writer in shock as his knees shook with dread and delight.

It seemed as if his feelings were reciprocated after all…

* * *

_A moment of exhaustion? _

_Suspended disbelief?_

_Insanity? _

_Sickly delirium?_

_I had to wonder what it was that propelled L to make his first __**real **__move in my favor. _

_I was so shocked, I honestly didn't even know how to react! _

_All I knew was that the man I cared for had managed to corner me and take me in the most delightful of ways, proving to me that my love did not have to be half-hearted. _

_Though L did not realize just how __**stubborn **__I truly was when push came to shove. _

_But when it came to L… _

_Neither did I. _

_Oh the tangled webs we weaved…_

* * *


	5. All You Need is Love

A.N: I think I've been listening to this soundtrack _just a bit too much. _

When you have "Bolero" playing as the soundtrack to your daily life within your head, I think that's plenty of proof of _that_. Lol.

Also, can I just say...

I LOVE THIS NEXT SCENE! And for people who've seen the movie and recognize the chapter title, they'll realize just _why _I love this next scene. How can you _not _love a medley of eclectic songs put together in such a way for a movie? XD

As a side-note: Nobody has brought this up yet, but I wanted to point it out to err on the side of precaution. In the next couple of chapters, this fic may be upped to a 'M' rating. I don't think you can have a DN/MR! fic without having to do so, really. I truly mean that. ^.^

I've also have had people comment/ask about Raito and L's characterization. I understand that I may be portraying them in a different light, but _there is a reason for this_. Remember, this story is set in the early 1900's (in fact, that's a lie! 1899!), for one, and there's _no Death Note_ in the equation whatsoever. If Raito was idealistic in the early 2000's, how would you picture him without the comfort of his home and family, the lack of technology and the different ideology that goes with the timeframe he's in within this story? Same with L? There's a lot of factors I'm considering in keeping to their characters, so please keep a free mind as you read this story. That, and not everything is at seems within the story. I say that with a large smile and a thumbs-up. Lol.

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Chapter Five: _All You Need is Love_

* * *

_Have you ever read a book or watched a play wherein the whole story revolves around a budding romance, which though passionate, is truly sparked alive by the presence of one single kiss between its main characters? _

_A story where the protagonist and heroine are brought together in smashing array of lights and fireworks; where they become one under the wondrous starlight and realize just how wonderfully _right_ what they're feeling truly _is_? _

_Well…_

_This kiss wasn't anything like that in retrospect._

_It was sloppy, and angled rather awkwardly. L kept this bruising grip on my hips as my mouth almost hung open in shock-_

_Not that he _didn't _take advantage of that fact…_

_All in all, it was quite a horrible kiss. _

_Very wet, and not all that satisfying, when compared to other kisses we were both bound to share in the future. _

_But the emotion budding behind the smashing of lips and feel of hands upon one's person made up for the lack of metaphor, and I was stunned by how perplexed I felt in the midst of all the chaos within my heart. _

_I knew I wanted him, despite the horrendous kiss and the irritating obnoxious behavior and the inevitable fist fights- _

_I _knew _it. _

_However, my mind's influence over my own heart was much more powerful._

_This _thing _between us…_

_It was not meant to be. _

_Oh, in those fleeting seconds caught between his grasp, I wanted to both bring him closer and tear him apart all at once. It was so conflicting, what I felt. _

_Yet I only had one clear option to take in this scenario. _

_And it was not a __**pleasant**__ one in the least._

* * *

"What are you doing, Mr. Lawliet?!" Raito panted as he pushed the man away from his person, dark eyes dilating under the heavy darkness coveting them both. "That… you just… _that is simply unacceptable. _I may play the part of a courtesan, but I will not bend to your wishes for a simple fee, sir!"

The wide-eyed shock conveyed in his partner's eyes alluded to his own confused state as he reached forward and stumbled within the suffocating darkness blanketing them both.

"Raito-"

"_That _would be Mr. Yagami to you, sir. This is a line neither of us shall cross, and so I shall do us both a favor and forget this ever happened… just as you too should do, Mr. Lawliet. Goodnight."

Stomping away from the stunned writer who looked dead on his feet, Raito held in a strangled sob as he refused to glance back over his shoulder and apologize for his brusque behavior.

'_It's for the both of your sakes, really…_' He thought to himself, eyes tearing up rather magnificently. '_Remember? You're both men. How could a relationship such as yours actually co-exist with the careers you have both chosen? You'll be blacklisted by the best of society if it should be brought out into the open and clipped of all opportunities before you can even find your place in the world._'

Slamming the brothel's main door shut with a snap of a hand and a sniffle of his nose, Raito ran the back of his arm over his eyes, refusing to admit to the tears that lingered there.

'It would be my own folly that I should fall for a man, and on top of that, for him to be right within my reach if I so wanted him to be...'

* * *

_I should have known better. _

_Those were the words ringing within my ears at the time._

_Even now, I'm afraid to say that I fear I was right. _

_How I could be so stupid as to show him what I truly felt, if only for a moment! _

_I could have saved myself so much trouble by not falling…_

_But whose choice is it for who we fall? _

_It can't be our own._

_But if not by our own will…_

_Who do we blame? _

_Who, L, who…?_

_Two weeks passed without a word about the incident from either of us, and I was perfectly content with the lack of conversation._

_I pretended to have forgotten about the whole thing while you hung by the shadows, watching me as I practiced and waiting for the perfect chance to strike. I wasn't an idiot; I knew you were just waiting for the perfect opportunity for me to be alone. _

_Luckily for me, the girls always liked to hang around before and after rehearsals. _

_Especially at my own invitation. _

_After awhile, I had thought myself to be in the clear. I kept up with the act of being so tuned in with my part, that most other issues fell off the wayside. _

_But L was a persistent little bastard. _

_I didn't give him enough credit at the time; the things he was willing to do to make sure I was within his grasp were unimaginable even to me._

* * *

"Alright, everybody, let's get this show on the road!"

Raito sighed as he finished strapping up his high-heel and brushing back his auburn locks away from his face. Finding it rather difficult to breathe in the tight corset embracing his torso and the curve-hugging red dress hanging off of his lithe frame, the light-headed actor blinked as the stagehands and random extras shuffled around him in a frenzied manner.

"Matsuda-HAS ANYONE SEEN MATSUDA?!"

The dumbfounded boy shook his head as he giggled, knowing how forgetful his costar could truly be. Staring up at the large stage, the bright colorful scenery emphasized by the gigantic 'elephant'-sized room and 'rooftop' taking up most of its space, Raito grinned and grabbed his script, more than just a little excited.

'I know that this may be a little awkward later on, but this has _got _to be one of the most pivotal scenes in the play! I can't wait to finally show these people what I've got!' The boy thought to himself in excitement, his natural blush and hanging locks giving him the appearance of a salacious vixen.

"C'MON, PEOPLE, WHERE THE _HELL_IS MATSUDA?! We can't do this scene without him, damn it!" Ripping the hair out of his head, the stage-director growled as he stomped his feet vindictively against the floor. "Has anyone even _seen _him today?!"

A sudden lull of silence fell over the auditorium as everyone glanced about, wondering if anyone _had _seen Matsuda come in…

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"

"I'm afraid not." Popping out of the dark abyss that he seemed to conjure out of nowhere, Raito almost hit himself over the head as a familiar head of shaggy dark hair and figure draped in oversized clothing appeared just a couple feet away from him. "You are all indeed correct in assuming that Matsuda will not be attending rehearsal today. It seems his sister has fallen ill and he has asked for the day off to help tend to her needs."

"… … What the hell? That's shit if I've ever heard it." Kiyomi whispered into Misa's ear, the blonde shrugging as Raito smoothed out the imaginary wrinkles off of his dress, palms beginning to sweat. "Matsuda can barely take care of _himself_, let alone somebody else!"

"Huh... let me ask Raito!" Turning to the boy just by her side, Misa cocked her head to the side and smiled. "Did _you _know about this Raito? We know how close L is to-"

"_No_." Raito answered the girl's question quickly, frowning as the pale-skinned writer gave him rather ominous smirk out of the corner of his eye. "I did not know about this… new arbitration between Matsuda and Mr. Lawliet in concerns of today's rehearsal, Misa. And we are _not_ close in any way, shape or form, so _please_ stop assuming such stupid things."

"_Fine_." Huffing out an undignified pout, Misa threw her hair back. "But if Matsuda's not here, Raito, how are you going to rehearse your scene?! You've been practicing like crazy, and it's all going to be for nothing!"

"Oh, Miss. Amane!" L cheerfully called out, just about scaring half of the people within the room with the sudden animation within his usually bland voice. "How else did Mr. Yagami get by before Mr. Matsuda practiced with him?"

'Oh HELL no_…_' Raito almost simmered as he glared at the playwright, knowing right off the bat that if anyone was sick, it was most certainly NOT Matsuda's sister…

'_Please don't do this to me, I already have so much to lose, L stop being such an idiot and think about someone other than yourself for a change-!_'

"I shall be practicing with him, of course!" L grinned as Raito hung his head in shame. "Shall that be a problem, Mr. Yagami? I'm sure we could get in the hang of things once we've gone through a few runs together."

'A problem?! Other than the fact that you're trying to get in my bed and destroy both of our careers in the process, I suppose there's no problem whatsoever!'

"Of course not, sir." Raito grinned and bore it, knowing there was absolutely no way out of this situation unless he pretended to be sick himself.

And even then, he was pretty sure L would call his bluff and corner him either way.

"Will you lead the way, Mr. Lawliet?"

The dark-haired deviant gave the boy a rather predatory smile before grabbing his hand and pulling him forward.

"But, of course!"

* * *

_Stubborn bastard. _

_No matter what the situation, L was always a stubborn bastard. _

_But…_

_In that moment, L changed the rules-_

_And in doing so, didn't just define a new game to be played between just the both of us. _

* * *

As both men (though one huffed as a brave extra off to the side kept referring to him as a 'her') made their way up to the stage via the stage-steps, Raito almost gasped as his companion stumbled up the steps and gripped the railing until his knuckles were a blinding white.

"… … L?" The auburn-haired actor whispered, not understanding what was wrong with the man as he began to quietly wheeze. "Are you-are you alright?"

Coughing a bit to subside the obviously painful feeling still taking hold of his body, L waved the boy off before straightening up and controlling his breathing intake.

* * *

_Without meaning to, he alluded to something just a bit more stubborn than he himself-_

_And much more powerful than even the emotions we thought we could hide._

* * *

"I apologize, Raito," the 19-year-old thespian twitched at the familiarity, knowing that L only did this when he knew Raito could not counter him or others could not hear, "I just have a bit of a chest-cold is all."

* * *

_What a waste…_

* * *

"Mr. Yagami- if you would take your position on the elephant, I would be most appreciative."

Raito scoffed as he made his way up…

* * *

_You were…_

_Such a liar, L. _

_And I was just as bad in willing to pretend my own concerns away for the sake of ignorance being bliss. _

_L the liar and Raito the fool. _

_What a pair we made. _

* * *

"So where are we starting from?" The boy-turned-girl cutely asked as he sat on the daybed perched almost at the end of the elephant's roof, tilting his head to the side as waves of reddish-blonde locks followed in his head's movement.

"Just follow me Raito…" Pulling the actor up and positioning him just in front of the daybed. "Now, do you remember the movement I asked you to practice along with your speech and song last week?"

"Uh… yes. I believe so."

"Right, then we'll be starting from my line-"

"You mean _Matsuda's _line?" Raito smirked as L's mouth twitched down, a frown just lingering on the edges of his lips.

"However you wish for me to interpret that, I will ignore it for now in favor of getting some work done. Now, I will be starting from _my _line," Raito rolled his eyes as L continued, "'_Silly of me to think that you could fall in love with someone like me_…' where you will then begin the procession to our song. Understand?"

"Whenever you're ready, sir."

Nodding at the man-child, L swung around one of the daybed's poles and gave the actor a rather secretive smile.

"Oh, and Mr. Yagami?"

Raito bit his lip, hoping for the best.

"I haven't forgotten… and I know _you _haven't either."

'DRATS!'

Before Raito could even counter with anything (_not that he could, but it was the principle of the matter, really_…), L spun around once more and gave his opening line.

"Silly of me to think that you could fall in love with someone like me."

"… … I can't fall in love with anyone." Raito heard himself admit, now feeling more for Satine, as he knew just how true that fact was for himself.

"Can't fall in love? But… a life without love, that's terrible!"

"No, being on the streets; _that's _terrible!"

"_No_." L continued on, even as Raito gasped, looking affronted. "Love is like oxygen! Love is a many splendid thing! Love lifts us up where we belong; all you need is love!"

"Please, don't start that again." Raito muttered, still wondering just why Matsuda chose this day of all days to work against him and 'take care of his ill sister'.

'If he even _has _a sister…'

"_All you need is love_!" L finally sang out, a sort of deviant gleam wandering into his eyes.

"A girl has got to eat!"

"_All you need is love!_" Raito shivered as that gaze became all the more intense, smoldering with now unrestricted passion.

"Or she'll end up on the streets."

"_All you need is lo-o-ove…_"

"_Love is just a game_." The boy snapped before spinning around and huffing in actual annoyance, feeling a bit more in tune with his part than necessary.

"_I was made for loving you baby; you were made for loving me!_" Spinning around the boy and jumping off of the daybed, L almost laughed as the boy straightened out his crimson-red dress and blushed against his will.

Gathering back his wits, Raito countered with his line, made all the more attractive with his glowing cheeks.

"_The only way of loving me baby, is to pay a lovely fee_."

"_Just one night, gimme just one night_." The man pleaded as he raised himself over with the side by the pole of the canopy daybed, barely centimeters away from his star's face.

"_There's no way, cause you can't pay_!" Raito stared at the man straight into his eyes, trying to convey more than one message in his lyrics.

'You can't have me, so _stop trying_.'

Just before the fake-courtesan could turn the other way and get away from him, L pulled out another swinging maneuver and smiled.

"_In the name of love, one night in the name of love!_"

Watching the man almost fall over his face and swing about unabashedly, the boy laughed freely, hearing quite a few people in the audience and even most of the stage-hands guffawing at the sight of their director/writer acting in a way that was simply unlike him.

"_You crazy fool;_" Raito smiled sweetly as he finally managed to detangle himself away from the bed and the man inhabiting it and stomped over at the other end of the stage's elevated ramp.

"_I won't give in to you_."

"Don't-" Raito stopped in his tracks, cursing silently to himself as that smooth baritone voice affected him in such a way, that it left him absolutely breathless. Turning around, Raito didn't have to fake the contemplative look now gracing his face. "_Leave me this way. I can't survive without your sweet love, oh baby, don't leave me this way_."

Staring at the smile now decorating his lips, the youthful actor tried to hold in his breath as he turned around and bit his lower lip, feeling every bit as flustered as he could possibly be.

"_You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs_…"

"_I look around me and I see it isn't so, oh no_." Walking around the series of twirling fabric now barring him from the actor's path, L let the smile quietly turn into a quirky grin.

Staring up at the man's eyes as they stood just bare centimeters away from each other's face, Raito felt a smile of his own blossom over his lips.

"_Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs_…"

"_Well what's wrong with that;_" Leaning in just a bit, L almost had the boy within his grasp before he gasped and spun around, a hand clutched over his chest. "_I'd like to know, cause here I go again_!"

Spinning around the red-cheeked thespian, L hefted himself over the ramp and jumped on top of the large glass half-a-cylinder that laid just directly on top of the elephant's head, balancing his arms over his sides so that he wouldn't fall.

"_Love lifts us up where we belong!_"

"Get down, GET DOWN!" Raito fretted, actually worried as he saw the man's still-shoeless feet slip over the edges of the semi-floating structure.

"_Where eagles fly on a mountain high!_"

Finally grabbing the man before he fell to his doom over the large stage below him, Raito huffed as L laughed in glee.

"_Love makes us act like we are fools! Throw our lives away for one happy day_…"

Growling out in frustration, Raito spun around and finally made it to the stairs just as L turned around with him and sang out once more.

"_We could be heroes just for one day_!"

"_You, you will be_ _mean_." Pouting lightly, Raito gave the man a stern glare that seemed to waver even as his feet stood steadily over the steps.

"No I won't!" L laughed, following after the boy with quick leaps and bounds.

"_And I, I--I'll drink all the time_." Finally heading inside the elephant which had 'formally housed' him in the scene before the one they were playing then, Raito gave a small sigh for what was to come ahead.

"_We should be lovers!_" L descended over the small opening after him, that persistent gleam still hanging over his eyes.

"_We can't do that._" Raito glanced over his shoulder, willing the man to get out of his head and back into the performance at hand.

'I can't afford to delve too deeply into you, L…'

"_We should be lovers, and that's a fact_!"

Giving up all pretenses of subjugation out of his outward appearance, Raito felt the first walls of stubbornness still clinging to his interior settings fall off the map. Despite his internal misgivings, Raito let a coy look hanging off of his eyes and a sly smile off of his lips.

"_Though nothing will keep us together…_"

L stepped forward, eyes dancing with delight.

"_We could steal time..._"

Grabbing onto the boy's hand, L lead the duo in song as they sang together in perfect synchronization, taking the other actors and actresses watching off guard on just how harmonious they actually were with each other.

"_Just for one day_."

Leaning in closely to one another, Raito felt as if he had lost before he had actually even held the will to actually fight.

"_We could be heroes, forever and ever_! _We could be heroes, forever and ever_!"

And from the gleam within L's eyes, now transforming into a heady shine filled with promise and satisfaction…

"_We could be heroes_..."

Raito knew what was to come soon, and though most of him dreaded it with a passion…

"_Just because I will always love_ _you…_"

Wondering if he had ever even had a chance from the start, Raito felt the edges of his smile curl just a bit more, wanting the genuine emotion within his eyes to shine as well within their 'act'.

"_I can't help loving_-"

"_You_…" L held back as Raito threaded his fingers through the ones splayed across his sides, hazel eyes lowering just a tad.

"_How wonderful life is now you're in the world_…"

Lips barely millimeters apart, the sparks of chemistry that had been formally dormant between them were catching on fire for all the people watching them to see, dark blue eyes becoming smooth like liquid as mocha-brown smoldered with an intensity Raito had never before felt in his life.

Letting the line drop from his lips before he forgot it altogether, Raito barely had time to whisper out the words before a pair of lips descended over his own.

"You're going to be bad for business; I can tell."

Arms wound tightly around the older man's neck as roars of cheers were ignored, mouths dropping at an unholy rate whilst Raito and L continued to kiss frantically on stage. The claps and roars slowly dimmed down even as the two kept within each other's embrace and refused to part.

"Uh…"

"You guys…"

"Rai-to…"

"Mr. Lawliet…?"

"Uh… oh… I think… I understand, now…" Misa whispered as the two men stayed in their own world, until Raito, who was nearly out of breath at this point, finally pulled away slowly.

Not completely unaware of the wide-eyed stares and overly-exaggerated gasps, the mortified actor slipped out of the writer's now-lax grip and kept his stare on the older man's face. Shocked delight seemed to pour from his eyes and visage as Raito stumbled back and did the first thing that came to mind-

"Raito!"

Grabbing the extra-material of his dress and wincing as his heels pinched at his feet, the embarrassed performer just about jumped out of the elephant room and off of the stage, not hearing the multiple calls for him to stop running; to just come back and talk to them-

Not caring about whether or not he looked like an idiot, Raito ran out of the bordello and didn't stop until he reached his room in hotel just down the street…

And cried for the first time in over 3 years.

* * *

_It was quite the sight to see. _

_Me, dressed as a woman, crying my eyes out as I laid spread-eagle out on the floor of some hotel room I had been practically living in for more than four months._

_And for a _man _no less! _

_Even I have to laugh about it now, taking it for the absurd sight it no doubt would have been had anyone else would have seen it. _

_I don't know how long I lay there, crying, staring, sighing, sleeping…_

_It was all such a blur._

_By the time I came to, the lone window in the room exuded darkness and my eyes hurt from the strain of so much _feeling _collapsing on me all at once. After stripping myself of all the unnecessary material and wiping my face of excess paints still lingering from the make-up job I was forced into earlier that morning, I simply sagged into my favorite pair of loose pants and most comfortable shirt and moved onto the bed. _

_Sadly enough, I did not stay there for very long._

* * *

Raito wiped his eyes of the teary residue still clinging to his lids as he slumped within his bed, hair half-hazardously pulled back into a messy ponytail. The midnight light broke through his open window, stars lighting up the dark sky in a brilliant manner that would have took the young actor's breath away had he not been so preoccupied with his own thoughts.

Eyes absently trained on the milky outline of the faraway constellations decorating the dim scope of twilight as words spilled from the boy's lips quite unintended…

"_Someday, I'll fly away…_" Moving up and away from the bed, Raito leaned against the rim of his window and stared longingly at Paris' glorious landscape filled with bright lights and cheerful bellows. "_What_ _more could you're love do for me…_ _when will love be through with me?_"

Bringing his legs up and holding them closely to his chest, Raito felt a few more tears leak from his eyes as he laid his head over his knees.

"_Why live life from dream to dream…?_"

"_My gift is my song…_" Raito held his breath as a smooth baritone blocked by the large mantle of wood standing between the voice and the boy himself sang quietly, if resiliently. His own words became stuck within his throat, clogged by emotion. "_And this one's for you_…"

"No…"

"_Hope you don't mind, I hope don't mind that I put down in words…_"

Standing up from the window, Raito wiped his eyes (_quite sure they were rimmed a bright crimson red at this point_) and cleared his throat.

"You should just go."

"_How wonderful life is-_"

Growing frustrated with the lack of response from the man just on the other side of the door, the boy snarled as he clenched his fists against his hips, violently biting his lower lip in an attempt to reign in his temper.

"This isn't _right_!"

"_Now you're in the world._"

"You have no _right_…" Snarling viciously at the still closed door, Raito fought the urge to grab something (_anything_) and hurl at the blockade standing between himself and his 'boss'. "You have… no right…"

"Raito…"

"Leave me alone."

"Raito, please open the door." The devious voice both calmed and enraged the teenager as he fought to stand his ground, even as he felt his own unyielding valor begin to crumble beneath his very feet.

"I _can't_. Just… just leave me be! You're only hurting yourself, L!"

"I apologize, Raito, but I cannot do as you ask. And if you have decided in staying in your room for the rest of night without my company, then I shall let you know that I shall be having a very cold and awkward night, as I intend on staying where I am until you invite me in or decide to come out."

"You're bluffing!"

"By now, you should know that I do not bluff, Raito. Nor do I _forget_."

Knowing he was walking right into the stubborn man's trap even as he made his way to the door and huffed, the exhausted boy barely held in his glare as he unlocked the entrance to his room and swiftly opened the door.

Dark blue eyes were all he saw before he was pushed right back inside and the door was, once again, slammed and locked shut. L snarled as the boy backed up a few paces and angrily brushed the random strands of rogue hair out of his eyes, both men unwavering in their positions against each other.

"It appears that this discussion is long overdue." Raito grimaced as the older man narrowed his sights, no amount of patience recognized in his gaze. "Isn't that right, Raito?"

"I've told you, L, there is nothing to dis-"

Before he could finish his sentence, a pair of lips quickly covered his own followed by a set of hands pushing him down upon the floor in a flurry of passion. Breaking the quick kiss, which left Raito in a slight daze, a dark eyebrow shaded by midnight-black fringe quirked up.

"_Right_…"

* * *

_Blue eyes…_

_Blue eyes filled with such beautiful emotion; an emotion he'd only ever shown to me. _

_Blue eyes I would never forget. _

_The chase was soon to be over. _

_Damn writer. _

* * *


	6. Touched for the Very First Time

A/N: Ah, long time no see, everybody!

After a long absence due to a long-suffering illness (which I'm no longer suffering from, thanks muchly!) and crazy scheduling conflicts, I. AM. BACK.

To this story. Yay. Lol.

I... don't think there's anything pressing I need to address... Uh, I already talked about the possible upping of rating, right? I think I did. Well, next chapter, we may see that happen, but I'm still not too sure on whether or not I want to make this a big smut-fest. Lol. Granted I'm sure most of you wouldn't mind, but I am very rusty when it comes to writing such things. I get kind of paranoid when I do, to tell the truth. But it really would add into the story. Oh dear. T.T

Oh, I've finally decided on the number of chapters! That's something worth bringing up. ^.^ This story should be about 12 chapters including an epilogue, so yes, we are indeed at the halfway point. I know, sadness. :D Oh, wait. D: There we go. Lol. I think I might focus on finishing this story up since I have a good visual on what I need to do, but I think that would contradict with my whole 'final priority' thing. o.o; Yeah. I'm not right in the head. Lol.

Hopefully you guys enjoy the next chapter, and if you would like to leave a little review, that's cool too! See you guys later!

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Chapter Six: _Touched for the Very First Time_

_

* * *

_

Anxiety.

_Displeasure. _

_Irritation. _

_Rage. _

_But most of all…_

_I felt…_

_Lonely. _

_All my life, way before that very moment even, I had always felt that tinge of loneliness skitter around the frays of my mind, tearing me away from the harsh meandering reality I never had wanted to be a part of anyway. Yet, watching L warily watch me, I felt it blast at me at full force; it was frightening how much I _felt _it, really. _

_All this fighting…_

_I just couldn't do it anymore. _

_And damn it all, L just _knew-

* * *

"Why couldn't you just leave well enough _alone_?" Raito whispered, bringing up his hand in an attempt to stave off the sting of newfound tears itching his eyes. "Don't you understand that I don't _want this_-!"

"And did you think that I _chose _to feel this way?! That on some superficial whim I decided that _you _were my ideal mate?!" The writer nearly pulled at his midnight-black locks and gave a rather unstable guffaw. "_Trust me_, Raito, you are _not _the ideal partner I had in mind when imagining myself finally falling in l-"

"If you feel that way, then just _go_!" Not giving the man a moment longer to insult him (_hurt him_), Raito pushed him away and stomped towards the door, not prepared for the harsh hand that whipped out without warning and pulled him back towards the screenwriter in question.

"You're not _listening_!" L snarled between clenched teeth, his grip on Raito's arm tightening rather painfully.

"Because I_ don't want to_!" The actor snapped back, eyes still watering at a speed that even Raito himself could not counter. "And let go of my arm; you're _hurting _me!"

After one last quick (_and quite painful_) squeeze, L finally let go of the brunette's bicep and simply _stared _at him.

"Tell me, then, _truthfully_, that you don't want this; that you don't want _me_." L whispered, his own stare becoming far more glassy than normal. "Tell me, and I'll… I'll stop all pursuit and our relationship will only be of the business kind. Just give me a sign that what I feel truly isn't reciprocated in the least, and that everything I have been feeling sparking between has been nothing but a lie, and perhaps… perhaps then I'll be able to have some closure and leave you be."

'This is it,' a voice in the back of Raito's head whispered, sighing in relief, 'get out of here, _now_!'

But…

Those soulful blue eyes gazed at him mournfully, seeming to finally accept the bitter hopelessness of the situation at hand. The longer the stretch of silence seemed to bind itself around the two men, the more sorrowful his beautiful rounded set of eyes became.

And Raito…

It _**broke**__ him_ to see the writer _himself_ _**break**_in such a way.

He didn't want this for L.

_He didn't. _

'Forget all that! Leave! Before he gets the idea that you actually _want to stay-_'

But…

'_I_ _do_.'

Taking in a deep breath, Raito shifted away from the door and made his way back to his bed. Daintily taking a seat on the plush mattress beneath his weary body, Raito slowly looked up and nodded.

'What are you agreeing to?! You still have time to save yourself before this _destroys_ the both of you!'

"Go ahead then. Say what you have to say, and if you can convince me that this is worth the risk, then we'll see where this can take us. Because… I don't want to lie anymore, L, but I don't want to have to put myself in harm's way for nothing, either. "

Raito didn't want to admit it, but a sense of elation blossomed within his chest as the light within those blue eyes returned with a vengeance; everything Raito had been internally denying crumbled in a matter of _seconds_-

'Well, _fuck me_.'

Before Raito could even blink, the dark-haired playwright grabbed his right hand and held it to his chest, placing it right where his heart was located. Spreading out his fingers against the flat plane of skin still covered by the writer's overly-baggy white collared shirt, the actor fought the burning blush waiting to infect his cheeks with its bright rouge.

"For nothing? Raito, I may be a writer, but even the greatest of words could not express these feelings you inspire within me! To do so would take a patience even _I _am not capable of…" Bringing himself down upon one knee, L kept the boy's even stare without the slightest bit of a twitch. "Your eyes, your voice, your mere _presence_… before you came into Whammy's House and sang your way into my play, I was living a blank existence searching for the love that my characters had found themselves within my own mind. I didn't think I'd ever find it, but then you marched your way into my life and proved me _wrong_."

"I held it in, thinking that perhaps it was a disillusion on my own part. Believe it or not, Raito, you were not the only one holding back any and all emotion; you were _not _the only one who didn't _want _this… at first…" Before the actor could even open his mouth to counter otherwise, L put a finger to his lips, provoking a much more prominent flush than before, "But I have a limit, Raito, and I passed that limit _weeks _ago."

"Weeks?" The now-timid brunette echoed fruitlessly against the cool digit pressed against his mouth, trying to pull his hand out of the other's grip rather unsuccessfully.

"_Weeks_." L mimicked, eyes trained intensely on the young man sitting in front of him.

"W-wait!" Finally pulling his hand out of the writer's death grip, Raito pushed himself away from his co-proprietor (_as foresaid by Mr. Whammy himself_) and felt his panic begin to show on the edges of his expression. "You barely know anything _about _me, L, how can you even be so sure you have _feelings _for me?! For all I know, you're simply in love with the idea of being… well, in love."

"Do you truly believe that I have such loose grasp of my emotions that I wouldn't be able to tell the difference?" The writer held in a breath as he moved in a bit closer, keeping the actor completely entranced with his, for once, open-hearted gaze. "I know that you eat lunch at precisely the same time every day; 2:00 p.m., so as to not be a bother to the rest of the crew."

"I know that you bite on the bottom of your lip when you become increasingly nervous in thinking that someone, anyone, is seeing through your stony façade," L placed his index finger over the worried piece of flesh he had just been talking about, ignoring Raito's surprise in favor of continuing on with his words "I know that you have a high-tolerance for people, and that you're overly-protective of the girls in the club, even though they sell their bodies for a living. You simply refuse to give them an ounce of disrespect despite the fact."

"I know you favor the color blue, because you carry a tiny piece of blue ribbon in your pocket that you take out when you think no one is watching and simply stare at it, and that it's the color you love to wear the most, besides white and black. I know you believe in the good within people, even while working here, in a bordello. Do you know how irregular it is to see such a pure-intentioned person in a place like this?" Raito shook his head, seeming to be in another world as he continued to stare up at the man now literally hovering over him. "I know you're pristine and cleanly to the point of obsession, I know that you love to sing, despite how feminine you know it may seem to other people, I know you're smart; brilliant, actually, even if you don't have the highest level of education. Raito, don't you see yet?"

"See?" The desperate teen once again echoed, losing all sight of his main projective; to find a reason _not _to give into this man who spoke nothing but beautiful words which always seemed lost by his lack of motivation to _show _just how graceful he could actually be.

"I may not know everything about you, but I know what's most important," L laid his hand over Raito's chest and closed his eyes, not realizing just how tempting it would be for the younger of the two to just lean forward and seal the distance… "And all that is within me to give is yours if you'll just give me what's due to me in return. I don't think I'm asking for much… just a space, even if it's the tiniest of spaces, right here, in your heart."

"Damn," Raito whispered before closing the space between them and surprising the playwright with the feel of lips upon his own, a chaste kiss pressed firmly in retaliation to all the man had admitted to him, "you were born to be a writer, weren't you."

Separating a bit (_though not very much, mind you_) from the in-awe actor still staring up at him, L brought his free hand up and swiped it over the boy's blossoming-red cheek. Golden-brown eyes widened as those stormy-blue eyes seemed to creep closer and closer, the look in the other man's eyes burning him to the very core.

"We'd have to hide it." Raito whispered as he turned his head to the side, letting L's lips fall against his cheek. "No one, and I mean _no one_, could know. Especially after that little _display_-"

"I don't mind." L muttered against the smooth patch of skin presented to him, lowering his head so that he could at least _try _to catch those tantalizing lips back into his own special embrace. "I do help manage a brothel, after all; discretion is what I'm best at."

"Even knowing that you can't have me at every given opportunity, you can still say that you're willing to be discreet?" The snide remark couldn't be sugarcoated, seeing as Raito had seen just how irrationally jealous L could get.

"I should hope so." Finally taking the boy's chin between his fingers, L fully reclined onto the bed and merely smiled as the younger man beneath him sputtered rather indignantly."_Hope_?"

"I try not to make promises I know I may not be able to keep." L murmured amusedly, not the least bit put off by Raito's deadly glower.

"That doesn't solve anything; L, both our careers are on the line right now! It's bad enough I'm continuing with this charade, do you know what could happen if they found out that-"

"I don't…" Shaking his head, the dark-haired playwright simply sealed his lips shut and leaned forward, letting his head fall against the crook of his would-be-lover's shoulder. "I don't _care_ what it is they would think so long as you promised to _stay_… with me…"

* * *

_I had never had that before. _

_Such devoted caring…_

_Even my own _parents_ had never deigned to give me such unconditional love. _

_But, I kept thinking to myself, is this only fleeting?_

_I had a problem, you see. _

_And it was why I continued to question the man who spoke of love as easily as he breathed. _

_It wasn't that I doubted his ability to love…_

_But my own. _

* * *

"I can… try…" It came out of his mouth much more hesitant than he would have liked, and Raito winced at the half-assed effort, but it was there if L wished to take it.

He couldn't spout out fancy words that oozed of romance like L could, but that didn't mean that he had nothing to give the man.

'Though that's the question, isn't it? How do you show someone something you've never actually _felt _until now?'

Raito thought of the last person he had ever cared for (_had it really been years since he could remember such an affection?_) and shivered, unconsciously bringing the man closer to his person.

'That ribbon…'

(_It's all I have left._)

"That's all I ask, then." L whispered against the tender skin of the teenager's neck, eyelashes fluttering against the rapid pulse of the boy beneath him. Smiling despite himself, L dropped the tiniest of kisses against the thumping beat and closed his eyes, feeling more content than he could ever remember feeling.

"Do you think…" The writer drowsily blinked as the vibrations of the other's voice kept him from a complete tranquil state. "Do you think we could have been any cornier about all this, L?"

Almost _sensing _the mischievous grin now hanging off his paramour's lips, Raito lifted his hand so as to not put himself _through _such a punishment-

"Oh, but Raito… _I hope you don't mind, oh, I hope you don't mind_ _that I put down in words…_" Staring into the actor's open gaze, L braced himself up and quietly sang the words against the actor's now-smiling lips and let his forehead touch Raito's in a gesture of intimacy. "_How wonderful life is… now you're in the world._"

"You… are walking cliché, L." Raito chortled with glee before being unceremoniously flipped onto the floor…

And almost choking on his laughter as a result.

* * *

_And that was that, I suppose. _

_How he managed to truly convince me, I'll never know. Honestly, I like to think I wasn't charmed in solely by his words…_

_Though the kisses certainly had helped, of that I am certain. _

_What I had learned from THAT experience, however, was that the confession was not the hard part. _

_Oh dear God no. _

_The hard part was going in the next day…_

_And facing everyone who had witnessed not only my and L's completely unprofessional display of debauchery, but my fit of embarrassment thereafter. _

_Thankfully, L had a plan for that, seeing as this _was _all of his fault…_

* * *

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Raito sighed as he pulled his arms through his shirt-sleeves, ignoring the other man's avid stare.

"Raito, they all know I was the one in the wrong. Giving you the day off would only be logical in gaining you back in my good graces," wrapping his arms around the younger man's slim waist, L smiled as Raito attempted to bate off his advances, "and besides, I have been working you at much more contemptuous pace than any other person within the play."

"Ah ha!" Spinning around and out of the other man's embrace, Raito pointed a finger at his supposed-boss. "I knew you were being intentionally brutal with me! And not just because of the part I'm playing either!"

"Now, I never said that-" L paused as Raito glared at him. "Alright, so I needed to take out my frustrations on _someone_. And you _were _the source of said frustrations… I never proclaimed myself a saint, Raito!"

"Regardless of the fact, I am giving you the day off _today_, and though I cannot enjoy it with you, I do hope to see you later on…" Giving the younger man his best puppy dog expression he could muster, L grinned as he saw the immediate moment his _Satine_ crumbled.

"_Fine_, I'll see if I can squeeze you in later on in the day." Raito jokingly replied, buttoning up the rest of his shirt. "But don't expect me to dress up for you today! I won't spend my first day off in months catering to your unusual fetish!"

"Oh, I wouldn't _dream_ of asking you to do such a thing… _today_…" L laughed as Raito threw his crumpled shirt at his face, his laughter muffled by the onslaught of fabric.

* * *

_So how did I spend my morning you ask?_

_Well, I would love to say that I did something cultured, like L would have if he had had the day off, but alas, I am not willing to put myself through such torture when such suffering can be avoided. _

_Oh, I did something far more spectacular…_

* * *

L smiled as he lifted the covers and laid them over Raito's prone form, his luminous orbs covered by dark, soft lashes and smooth skin.

Sighing in content, Raito slid further into his land of dreams as the darkness outside his window ebbed little by little and L, astonished by the beauty surrounding him, finally picked up his feet and left the room.

'Truly, this is bliss…'

* * *

_Spectacular for me, I suppose. _

_I can barely remember watching him leave the room under shaded eyes, I do remember wanting to call him back, to stay just a little bit longer…_

_Honestly, I was the epitome of a love-struck teenager. _

_And I called L a walking cliché. _

_I never claimed to not being a hypocrite, though. _

_But all jokes aside… _

_The morning went by in a blur, and I found myself missing my newfound home more than I would have thought. The girls, my 'sidekicks' as I dubbed them, Mr. Whammy… _

_L…_

_After re-dressing myself in comfortable ensemble of my usual white-collared shirt, black vest and dark slacks, I finally exited the hotel and made my way to the loud brothel I had come to see as a place of comfort, despite the chaos and unruly activities. _

_So long without a home, was I, that I had forgotten just how wonderful it was to be able to call a place (even one where temptation and sin were forgivable in every sense of the word) my own. _

_And that was what Whammy's House was to me. _

_Even now. _

* * *

Swerving into the large auditorium before the large double-blocked doors shut in his face, Raito sighed as he slipped around the various chairs and grabbed a spot in the furthest, and darkest, corner of the large room.

So far, so good.

Though the large raucous on the stage could have been more of a deciding factor in his sneakiness instead of his espionage skills, but Raito wouldn't quibble over details.

"Everyone _please _take your places!" L shouted at the group of actors on the stage, Quillsh Whammy frowning as Higuchi, who was (_unsuccessfully_) attempting to flirt with one of the girls off stage, ignored their writer's pleas for their attention. The extras on stage slowly flitted off to the sides, each one doing as they were told to at their own pace.

Swinging around in a show of frustration, L let out a monstrous sigh before angling his gaze over where Raito's silhouette was obscurely shaded. Squinting his eyes, an almost imperceptible smile tilted over his lips as Raito chuckled in amusement.

It seemed he had been spotted not a moment too soon.

Instead of coming over to greet him, however, L kept his eyes trained on him for one more second (_attracting the gaze of one Quillsh Whammy in the process_) before turning back and ushering a few of the more idle dancers into their positions.

Raito chuckled as he pushed his hands into his pockets, delighting in the feel of his own clothes whilst cloaked by the shadows of the outer fringe of the auditorium. Quillsh, who had finally caught wind of who it was L had been staring at, waved over at him before shuffling back over to the other side of the stage and taking his position right behind the curtain, waiting for L to give him his cue.

Higuchi simply yawned, brushing over his already slicked-back hair and re-adjusting his magenta robe over his shoulders.

Leaning against the comfortable cushion of his seat in content, Raito kept quiet and simply smiled in amusement.

"Now, Mr. Whammy, this scene-"

"Yes, it re-affirms the duke's obsession with Ms. Satine within the play and comically alludes to the duke's fragile frame of mind-we already know, L. Let's just get to it!"

"Alright," L bit back an obvious smile, creeping out all the people around him as he stepped off the stage, "begin whenever you're ready, Mr. Whammy!"

After a few minutes of silence, Raito leaned forward, wondering why it was taking Quillsh so long to just enter in on his-

"She's _CONFESSING_!" Whammy ran out onto the stage before skidding to a halt in front of Higuchi, his eyes bugging out of their sockets as his arms flailed comically.

Raito, in response, almost fell off of his seat in shock, wondering just _how _he managed to practice with the older man without have keeled over yet.

"_Confessing_?" Higuchi scoffed as Whammy panted audibly. "What kind of imbecile do you take me for, Zidler?!"

Taking the 'duke's' hand into his own, Quillsh smiled as he pulled the younger man forward and properly explained him. "She suddenly had a terrible desire to go to a priest and confess her sins…"

"What?"

Dramatically kneeling down on one knee, Whammy lowered his voice to a stage-whisper as Higuchi began to twitch, trying to release himself from the old man's hold. "She wanted to be cleansed of her former life! She looked upon tonight as her _wedding_ night. "

"Her… _wedding night_?!" The fake duke paled impressively, his twitching going on full capacity.

"She's like a blushing bride…" Bringing himself up, Whammy placed his face alongside Higuchi's and smiled.

"She says you make her feel like a…" Higuchi's eyes widened as the older man toddled even closer to his ear. "_Vir-gin_."

"_Virgin…_" The younger of the two repeated, his face now stained a bright red.

"You know… _touched for the very first time_."

"The first…"

Pushing the man forward, the pimp's voice dropped audibly as the raspy feel in his tone was amplified by his fierce expression.

"She says it feels so good inside when you _hold her _and you _touch her_…"

Raito almost laughed as Quillsh dropped the man's hands and bowed exquisitely.

"_Like a virgin…_"

"_She made it through the wilderness somehow. She made it through!" _Leading him further inside the large 'bedroom', the pimp-turned-actor continued on with his charade, a sparkle of amusement lingering within his clear blue eyes. _"She didn't know how lost she was, until she found __**you**__…" _

"_She was beat; incomplete! She'd been had… she was sad and blue. But you made her feel, you ma-a-a-ade her feel shiny and new!" _

"_Like a virgin!" _The closest stage lights, which had been off until that moment, flickered to life, the dancers that had been 'tidying' up the room suddenly spinning around the two men as they closed in on them in a circle formation. _"Touched for the very first time…_"

"_Like a virgin! You're heartbeat close in time_!" Pounding his chest, Quillsh smiled as the dancers twirled around them once again. "_Gonna give you all her love-_"

"_Give you all her love!_" The dancers repeated, spinning away from the two men just as Whammy followed them, sitting down on the table rather coquettishly.

"_Her fear is fading fast!_"

Higuchi simply looked confused and, on a deeper level, frightened.

"_Her fear is gone!_"

The dancers smiled as they draped the sheet that had been on the table over Quillsh's head in a faux-veil way, making him appear disturbing flirty.

Once again, Higuchi looked more scared than anything.

"_She's saving it all for you-_" Quillsh giggled slightly as the dancers gathered around him and pointed at the 'duke', their own smiles reaching disturbing levels.

"_Only love can last…_"

Raito sighed as he held in a laugh at the shy glances his boss was throwing at the other actor on stage before-

"_Love, love, love, love!_"

"Raito_!_"

"_She's so fine, and she's thine! She'll be yours-"_

"Ack!" Jumping up in shock, Raito's his head over his shoulder as L put a finger to his lips and grabbed his arm, just about hefting him over the chair.

"_She'll be yours!"_

"What are you doing?! You have a production to take care of!" Raito turned back to the stage, the men now wheeling the older pimp across the stage in what looked to be a sporadic fashion.

"They'll be fine for a few minutes, Raito, give them a bit more credit than that!"

"_Till the end of time! Cause you made her feel; yes, you ma-a-a-de her feel like she has nothing to hide…" _

Before he could protest further, L pulled him out of the chair and pushed him towards the exit, leaving the door slightly open in the 'just in case' scenario.

"_Like a virgin! Touched for the very first time…" _Raito gulped as the ringing audio accompanying their departure echoed through his ears, L pushing him into a secluded spot sheltered by the large staircase of the grand hall. "_Like a vir-ir-ir-irgin! You're heartbeats both in time!_"

"_Like a virgin! Feels so good inside…_"Raito gave the man a strict look as he smiled, innocence pouring out of every pore. "_When you hold her, and you touch her-_"

It seemed they had hit the dance-break, as the music continued to pour into their ears, but no accompanying voice echoed into their secluded corner.

"L, I did not come here to get molested by _you_, I came so I could see everybody perform without being bothere-"

"Raito, Raito, Raito, what would the fun of dallying with the writer be if you couldn't just relax once in awhile and simply went with the flow…" Before he could open his mouth to protest (_yet again!_), L took the opportunity for what it was and swooped in for the 'kill' and locked lips with the petulant actor.

"_She's so fine, and she's mine. Makes me strong; yes, it makes me bold. Her love thawed out; yes her love thawed out what was scared and cold!_"

Knowing that pulling away would only cause the man now attached to his person to grow cold and desolate, Raito internally sighed and wrapped his arms around the other's shoulders and let his hands dangle over his back just as he angled his head slightly to the side.

"_Like a virgin!_"

"You really are a case." Raito mumbled against L's lips, smiling as the rumbling laugh vibrated between them.

"_Touched for the very first time!" _

"But you wouldn't have me any other way, would you?"

Without waiting for a reply (_with Raito, it was best not to test you luck in these types of situations_) L let his hands clutch onto the younger man's waist and pushed him further against the wall, their breaths mingling together as the scenery around them slowly blurred over…

"_Like a vir-ir-ir-gin!_"

Raito felt one of his hands gently trace the column of the writer's neck as he pressed his lips against his own once again, teeth gently nipping at the bit of plump flesh denying the older of the two entrance.

Without the slightest bit of hesitance, Raito felt his jaw move on its own accord, the gentle kiss slowly unraveling the passion he had been trying so hard to suppress.

"_With her heartbeat close in time!_"

A tiny gasp flittered from his throat as the other's languid tongue stroked his own, causing him to push back against the man and do the same. Closing his eyes, Raito felt himself fall deeper within the embrace as those hands that had been at his waist slid up further against his lean back, the hold neither suffocating nor impatient.

"_LIKE A VIRGIN!_"

Pulling away from the enticing teenager for a moment of breath, L felt his hooded eyes pop open at the picture set in front of him.

"_Feels so good inside when you hold her and you touch her; when you hold her and you touch her…_"

Raito, face flushed with a blush that had _nothing _to do with embarrassment, lips bruised with the intensity of their kisses as his mouth hung open, leaning his head back against the cool wall supporting him, eyes closed as his chest _heaved _for air, throat constricting from the lack of breath available until that moment-

"_Aah, aah, aah-_"

He was _beautiful_.

"_Aah, aah, aah-_"

"Mmph!" A tiny squeak of surprise permeated the air as L roughly grabbed the boy and quickly took advantage of the moment and let the actor's taste entrance him once again, along with the image of perfect _beauty _still hanging over his eyes-

"_Like a viiiiiiirrrrrgin!_"

Neither noticed as the noise in the auditorium grew all the louder, or as a set of footsteps echoed through the grand hall, so enraptured with the other that for once, nothing else mattered.

"_La, la, la, la, la, la!_"

Raito felt lost within the fervent fire alighting itself within his chest and abdomen, but it was such a _delicious _warmth that he couldn't find it within himself to really _care_…

* * *

_I try not to think about what could have happened in that moment, being as overly-exposed as we were._

_It was the first time such a thing had taken a hold of me, and I didn't know what to make of it. How had L managed to take me off guard in such a way?_

_I still don't know. _

_But, it wasn't all bad. _

_Not yet, anyway._

* * *

An overly enthusiastic clap interrupted the actors from their laughter and rough-housing games, causing everyone on stage to immediately silence themselves in the face of this newest intrusion.

Raito gasped as he pulled away from the overly-enthusiastic writer/director, trying to get his attention back on the play and away from the new feeling of desperation burning his insides.

"L…" Turning his head so that all the incoming lips would gather would be smooth tawny skin instead of flushed lips, Raito attempted to get the other back to the situation at hand. "L, something doesn't feel-"

"Mr. Lawliet!" Raito blinked as Misa's voice reverberated throughout the grand hall, the panic in her tone unmistakable. "It's… it's… Mr. Mikami wants to speak with you, wherever you are!"

Watching as his lover swallowed in his groan of disappointment, the timid brunette backed away from the hazy sense of pleasure the other had rampaged upon him without so much as a warning, pointing in the direction Misa's voice had filtered from.

Sighing in discontentment, a distinct pout settled over the other man's lips as he languidly pulled his arms away from the warm waist and back into his pockets.

"We'll continue this later." L promised with a small kiss on the boy's nose, dark blue eyes still clouded with lust. "Wait for me please?"

Raito shrugged before following L back into the auditorium, still sticking to the shadows the back of the room had to offer as L himself went to greet their benefactor.

"Hello, Mr. Mikami," the writer stated curtly as he walked over to the lawyer with a lanky smoothness that shouldn't have been possible, "how are you doing today?"

"Oh, just wonderfully! I see everything is coming along rather nicely!" Mikami pointed at the now-embarrassed dancers and actor on stage, the only person not the least uncomfortable with the praise being Quillsh Whammy himself.

"Why, thank you." Was Raito the only person noticing how L seemed to be about two seconds from punching the man in the face, or was that just him? Nevertheless, the usually-stoic raven-haired man seemed a bit more on edge than usual, and Raito would _love _to know why…

"So… I see just about everyone here for rehearsal, but…" Mikami smiled (rather slimily in Raito's point of view) as L coughed against his arm, eyes narrowing beyond his control. "Where is Mademoiselle Raito, I wonder?"

"I decided to give her the day off, as she wasn't needed for today's rehearsal. She's more than proven herself capable of being able to miss a few rehearsals without missing her lines and movements without a beat."

"Of course…" Mikami's eyebrow twitched at the obvious contempt in L's tone, making everyone in theater (including Raito) wince unconsciously. "Well, whenever she shall be back, please offer her my thanks in giving so much of her effort to this play."

L grit his teeth, obviously forcing down his real response and nodded slowly, keeping his composure amazingly well for a man who was so prone to temper tantrums. Raito had to wonder how someone so _spoiled _had managed to capture his attention, when he himself had probably been the least pampered person in the room.

"Of course, Mr. Mikami. Now, is there anything else you needed?"

"Ah, well, you wouldn't mind taking a walk down into your office and speaking to me about how we are going to promote this splendid little show, would you?" L shook his head and let the man walk ahead of him, giving Raito a slight frown to show his displeasure before waving a finger.

Really, Raito thought to himself, as if he had anywhere else he had to _be_.

* * *

_So I waited. _

_And waited. _

_And _waited.

_I managed to catch some of the girls without looking too suspicious, though I'm pretty sure that at that point, I couldn't have hid anything from them even if I tried. _

_But I didn't care. _

_I was…_

_I was _happy.

_I had never felt that before; not like this, anyway. _

_And I wanted to share that feeling with everyone. _

_Especially…_

_Especially with L. _

* * *

"Well, that was about as fun as an operation." Raito laughed as he pulled L out of the hallway and into his room, trying to stamp out the small frown furrowing the older man's features and bring back that hesitant smile that brought out the sparkle within the writer's eyes without him realizing it. "That lawyer sure does love to take up all of your time."

"To speak about you, you mean." L muttered, taking off his shoes as he entered inside, wriggling his toes against the cool planes of wood that made up the floor.

"Oh, _stop it_!" Raito snapped, noting the way the tiny frown dug even further into the other man's lips. "I'm here with _you _aren't I? Whatever he has to say about me, I don't care! And you shouldn't either, L. What do you think he would do if he were to find out I wasn't a woman? Probably fix his problem and move onto the next little thing that caught his attention…"

At Raito's words, the smile the playwright had been attempting to stifle finally gleamed its way back onto L's face, making the younger of the two smile warmly in return. Pulling off his vest, Raito jumped onto the bed and stared up at the writer giving him a strange stare, the smile still lingering on the vestiges of his lips.

"What?" Not knowing how to take the sudden silence, Raito fidgeted with the cuff of his shirt sleeve, contemplating shrugging out of it, if only for comfort. "What's the matter _now_, L?"

Before he could even blink, Raito found himself flat on his back, a smirking writer straddling over his waist.

"Uh…"

"The problem, Raito, is quite apparent if you took the time to just open your naïve little eyes and _look_." Strands of smooth dark hair pooled against the teen's hot cheeks as he gulped, not knowing how to take the sudden heat within the other man's stare without ducking his head and trying to run for cover.

"C'mon, L, stop…" The actor laughed bashfully, not used to such attentions on his person. Yes, he had had people lust after him, but he had learned long ago how to spurn affections that he neither wanted nor needed before they became something he could not handle. With L, however…

"Do you _really _wish for me to stop, Raito," L whispered against his ear, making the younger man blush beyond control, "or is that your self-defense mechanism acting up once again?"

"Self… defense…? I'm just trying to protect my virtue here!" Turning a vicious bright red, Raito clamped his mouth shut, hands moving from L's shoulders to his lips in milliseconds. "I didn't mean to say that."

"… … _Vir_-tue you say…?"

Raito groaned as he felt a warm laugh bubbling in his friend's throat, making him all the more embarrassment. "Not everyone dives into the first bed they see, _L_, and most people most certainly do not manage a _brothel _of all things…"

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Raito-"

"Then why are you laughing?" Raito deadpanned, eyes flat with agitation.

"Because you're being so _cute _about it, dearest. How can I not laugh when you're making such a face? But if you truly _are_ feeling that self-conscious…" L leaned forward and let his weight fall on his bent elbows, now fully reclined on his young lover. "What would you say if I took you right now and rid you of all that pesky embarrassment?"

Raito felt his jaw drop a moment later, eyes as wide as pumpkins.

This…

Was unexpected.

* * *

_Yes…_

_Unexpected._

_Well, to me it was, anyway. _

_To anybody else, I'm sure they would have just been surprised I hadn't been jumped _months _ago. _

_Quite frankly, anyone could have seen _that _particular attack coming. _

_Except me. _

_I don't know if that's something to be proud of or not, thinking back on it now…_

* * *


	7. Jealousy Will Drive You Mad

A/N: Well, hello there.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

OR CLOSE TO IT, ANYWAY.

So… what did you get me? Lol.

Yes, here is my present to all of you; no, I will probably not update anything else-

No pouting allowed. ^.^

Sorry towards all those expecting something of the lemony sort… L and Light weren't cooperating with me, you see, and once they refuse to cooperate, it usually ends in tears. My tears, anyways. -.-; I'm hoping the next chapter will have more success, but you know how it goes.

I PROMISE NOTHING.

Yeah. XD Hope you guys enjoy the next chapter, and please… remember the children.

The chiiilllddddrrreeeennnnn…

O.o;

Happy holidays!

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Chapter Seven: _Jealousy Will Drive You Mad_

* * *

_Confused and just slightly excited, I kept thinking that L was just playing a big joke on me. I had felt the attraction before; the hot sensation that had led up to the uncomfortable nights and irregular sleeping patterns, but to actually take all of my desires and make them a reality was a completely different concept compared to the things that I had dreamed. _

_It wasn't that I was ignorant to the 'joys' of sex, but that I had never thought that my partner would be…_

_Well, _him_. _

_I dare not say a man, since I know I wouldn't allow another person of the male gender to touch me in such a fashion (even if my mind wished to supply the word), but the fact that it was L willing to do this act with me was astounding, considering it had all seemed a distant impossibility just two days before. _

_And now? _

_I couldn't seem to connect the dots, and him laying on top of me did not help matters in the least…_

* * *

"L…" Raito stuttered as his gaze slowly slid up into the other man's heated stare, a fierce blush covering his cheeks. "W-what are you d-doing?"

L blinked as the boy stared up at him with innocent eyes, honestly befuddled by the change of events. "Raito, you cannot possibly be _that _clueless."

Another blink was his only response as Raito tilted his head to the side and bit his lip.

The dark-haired writer felt his jaw drop just as the boy beneath him shrugged.

"I don't… I've never done anything like this before, L." And it was the truth; the older man could see it within the 19-year-old's eyes. "You're the first person I've ever even… come _close _to, let alone _kiss_."

"Somehow I refuse to believe that." L muttered, his eyes filled with distrust. "Nineteen years of age and you still haven't-"

"Well, I just _haven't_, alright!" Turning an unorthodox shade of red, Raito practically pushed the older man off of his body, cinnamon-brown eyes wide with embarrassment. "I thought you weren't trying to embarrass me about this, L?"

"Raito…" Ignoring the glare set over the boy's face, L stifled another smile and backed up a little, allowing the actor the space he so desired. "Fine then; I apologize. Now please, enough of your pouting! There is only so much of it I can take."

"_Hmph_." Crossing his arms over his chest, the pout on Raito's face only became all the more prominent.

"Alright, now you're acting too much like a woman for me _not _to comment." L chuckled as a pillow went flying in his direction, barely missing the aforementioned floating object before it chucked him in the face. "I said I was sorry! Calm down, or else we'll never sort this out!"

"And what is it that you intend on sorting, Mr. Lawliet?" Watching the older man smirk out of the corner of his eye, the teenage straggler almost gave into temptation and punched the writer in the face. "You're really not making a good case for yourself at the moment, L."

"I suppose not." The now-relaxed looking playwright leaned back on the mattress and stared up at the caustic brunette, his long hair obscuring the majority of his reddening face from the angle L was positioned in. "Are you nervous, then?"

"Not going for the romantic approach, are you?"

"Well, I attempted to romance you before and was immediately denied. I tried being forceful and was quickly rejected." Giving his companion a roll of his eyes, L held back a grin as Raito fell back on the bed with him, lanky limbs stretched out where he could reach them. "Now, I am attempting to be understanding and it seems as if my efforts will be for naught once again. I must say, it takes a strong person to get into your good graces, Raito."

"And just _what _do you mean by '_good graces'_, Mr. Lawliet?!" After luxuriating in the smooth laughter Raito had to provide at his expense, L scooted a bit closer to the semi-unsuspecting warm body shuffled next to him. "… … Idiot."

"Hm?"

"I hate it when people try to hard; it makes them seem desperate." Raito explained, acting as if he hadn't noticed just how close L was to his lap.

"… … … Perhaps, but I won't deny the truth."

"L!"

"What?" Crawling on top of the smiling thespian, L held back the predatory grin ready to break out over his lips, gleaming blue eyes taking in the thoroughly peaceful demeanor the boy radiated attracting him like a moth to flame. "Isn't that what you wish to hear?"

"No!" Raito yelped as the older man let his hands trail down his sides, stifling an onslaught of chuckles. "Why do you have to be so… so…"

"Frustrating?" L finished for him, the smile on his face now bearing a rather wicked quality to it.

Rather than physically harm the writer attempting to 'seduce' him (_attempting being the keyword_) Raito instead closed his eyes and let his head fall to the side.

This, however, was just what L was waiting for.

Dark blue eyes narrowed as the irises of said orbs slimed extraordinarily; the pupils contracting violently against the older man's will. Lips twitched downward as newly-exposed smooth golden skin was offered to the writer, albeit unconsciously; the act of unknowing submission enough to drive the primal urge to dominate within the dark-haired playwright wild.

A pair of lips hurriedly trailed down the rigid brunette's neck, causing him to gasp deliciously while still trapped beneath his pale lover's embrace. Breathless after only a moment of contact, Raito brought his arms up and wound them around the older man's neck in tender counter-hold.

Letting out a strangled sigh, Raito once again almost jumped out of his skin as a wet ligament joined the lips in their exploration of the actor's neck and shoulder. Gripping the loose strands of impossibly dark hair falling over the writer's shoulders with tenuous fingers, a sudden rush of warmth crawled up the boy's body, making him squirm uncomfortably at the barrage of foreign sensations hitting him all at once.

"L… don't-don't leave any marks!" The emotionally-frail boy stuttered, mortified beyond belief. "I don't need any of the girls asking who gave them to me or where I suddenly got them from! They'd just embarrass me even further!"

"I'm sure you'd think of something clever to save us both the humiliation, hum?" L stated with a smirk, amusement hanging from his every word.

Smooth strokes from the writer's hands trailed along the edges of the young actor's clothed side, though after a moment of what seemed to be light teasing even that small amount of contact did not seem to be enough. The thin white cotton shirt still tucked into Raito's pants was pulled up from its confines as another hand floated from its spot hovering over Raito's hip and worked on the buttons keeping the shirt in place.

"Uh… L…?" Raito almost faltered as the novelist gave him an evil glare, just about daring the younger man to deny him the right to molest the poor actor silly. "If you'll let me, I can just…"

Catching onto the boy's meaning, L immediately jumped of the slim man's torso (still straddling his thighs, of course) and smiled, instantly creeping the confused brunette out at the sudden change of mood. Carefully undoing the buttons of his suspenders, Raito tried not to follow the other man's bruising stare, which was still centrally located on his abdomen and revealing space of golden skin.

Shoving the now-awkwardly placed straps off of his still-clothed shoulders, Raito bit back a laugh as another set of fingers besides his own joined in the cause of taking off his shirt, tossing the offending (_and now slightly ripped_) piece of fabric to the wayside.

Bright red cheeks accompanied the nervous shifty eyes as the indecisive teenager unconsciously bit his lower lip, the pale rose color of the plump flesh darkening to a bright shade of cherry-red.

"So…?" The radiating brunette smiled nervously as his pale-skinned companion shifted, not sure how to take the sudden pliancy of his bed-fellow's composure. "What now?"

L's eyes widened even further at the innocent question, his mouth dropping open in astonishment.

"You really…"

"No." Raito sighed, somehow having expected that reaction after the older man's rant earlier.

"I mean, you've never…"

"Yes."

"Nothing _AT ALL_?!"

"… … _No_."

"Don't you even know the basics?!" Raito felt himself flush at the seemingly impropriate question, eyes flashing with disgust.

"Yes!" Withdrawing automatically at the retort, the young man seemed to whither back into the shell he had created for himself. "I mean, it's not common practice where I'm from, but I know what we're supposed to do and what goes _where_, for God's sakes…"

"_So_… what's the problem?"

Raito raised an eyebrow, giving L the once over.

At that look, L seemed to finally 'get' what Raito was trying to say-

And he was _not _amused in the least.

"Ha ha… _noooo_."

"Well, why _not_?!"

"Because-"

"If you say anything that comes _close _to the words 'female', 'make-up', 'dresses' and 'high-heels', you can expect our time together to come to a close, Mr. Lawliet." Raito felt his eye twitch, the delightful sprig of laughter bubbling over L's expression all he needed to know that his train of thought had been right on the money. "_Permanently_."

"Fine! How about I'm the only one that actually knows what he's _doing_ for a good reason, so in all good taste I should most likely be the one _leading _this excursion so neither of us is _hurt_?"

Raito's jaw dropped as he shrunk away from his want-to-be lover.

"We could get _hurt_?!"

L let his head drop onto the center of Raito's chest, willing the hysterical laughter away with the last vestiges of self-control he had left.

"Rai-tooo…"

"I don't think I want to do this anymore." Raito practically whimpered, his eyes large and shiny. "Not if there is any pain involved!"

"You're a virgin; of course it will hurt the first time penetrated!" L ignored the way the young boy nearly gagged at his choice of words, his flaring annoyance conflicting with the desire burning through his veins.

"Then maybe _you _should-"

"No! That is not an option considering _you_ are-"

"_Finish that sentence and you are going to be finding yourself one appendage short in the morning._" Raito growled out, eyes narrowing dangerously. "And trust me… _it is going to be one you will miss very, __**very **__dearly._"

"Wouldn't I miss _any _appendage taken from my-"

"L!"

"…"

"…"

"Then it appears we are at an impasse." L comically stated, a small smirk set over his lips as he did so.

Raito, on the other hand, did not share his sense of humor about the situation at hand.

"It appears so."

"There is only one way to settle this!" Raito blinked as the older man pointed a finger in the air, eyes and expression as serious as can be.

"And how is that?"

"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!"

"… … You're kidding." Raito muttered, face incredulous as he fought the urge to smack both himself and L in the face. "Please tell me you are kidding. Let me repeat that for both of our sakes; PLEASE. TELL ME. YOU ARE KIDDING. **NOW**."

"Do you have a better idea, Raito?"

Raito gave the man a deadpanned stare before pushing him off of the bed and burying himself back within his sheets. L barely had a moment to gather himself before a pair of pants were thrown at his head, pant legs drooping over his wide-eyed gaze in a silly fashion.

"Well?" The red-faced brunette blinked as the pale-white covers surrounding him illuminated the color of his cheeks. "You better know what the hell it is you are doing, L."

Not even three seconds later, two pairs of pants were thrown up in the air as a lean milky-white figure flew into the bed, legs kicking sporadically as a drawn out squeal reverberated from underneath the mountain of covers now enclosing the two men.

"Raito, after tonight, you'll never want to leave this bed ever again!"

"For some reason, I highly doubt tha-OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT THING?!"

"… … Me love you long time?"

"…"

"…"

"_Idiot_."

* * *

_Just like our first kiss, our first time together was awkward and uncomfortable; not entirely enjoyable, but fraught with sprigs of passion that made up for the inevitable pain he seemed to love to point out beforehand. _

_Once again, thinking back on it, I have to laugh. _

_Only we could make something that is supposed to be a simple agreeable experience into an adventure of sorts._

_But more than anything else, I remember the morning after…_

* * *

Raito sighed as he turned his head to the side and smiled, his eyes blurry with satisfied exhaustion; the dark hair and pale skin a welcome sight so early in the morning.

Though the pain radiating from his lower back and rump were not so welcome.

Not in the _least_.

Carefully disentangling himself from the older man wrapped around his torso, Raito squirmed as he sat up, hands massaging the lower part of his spine.

"_Ow…_"

A cool pair of hands joined his own, pushing upward in contrast to Raito's own downward strokes. Rolling his eyes in amusing exasperation, the 19-year-old actor turned his head and smiled down at the mischievous-looking writer smirking up at him.

"How long have you been awake for?" Raito hissed as L's warming digits harshly prodded at a particularly tight knot, moaning almost immediately after.

"Truly? I don't remember. Time has no real semblance to a person like me." Carefully pulling himself up, L hauled his young lover by the shoulders onto his lap and continued with his massage, the smile on his face lengthening against his cheeks at the low whimpers and groans escaping Raito's lips. "This is the first time, however, that I have managed to stay in bed once awaken. I must say, it is truly a pleasant experience…"

"And I'm sure my company has nothing to do with that?" Raito chuckled, biting his lip as those hands wandered upward, caressing the bottom of his shoulder blades in an indulgent fashion.

"Of course not." Reveling in the tiny trembles running up Raito's back and sides, L wove his arms around the thin waist once again. "I simply enjoyed the extra rest, is all."

"Right." Raito rolled his eyes once again, obviously not the least bit convinced. "So… rehearsal?"

"Eh."

"… L, we are going to have to get out of bed eventually." The younger brunette muttered as he turned his head and buried his face against the crook of his lover's neck. "And next time, _you're _the one who's going to have to wake up with a painful backside, sir."

"… But…"

"…"

Raito felt his eye twitch at the out-stretched sigh as the hands now hovering over the small of his back resumed their massage.

"_Fine._"

* * *

_It was the first time I realized just how childish the older man actually was. _

_Yes, I saw it the night before when we were… fighting, I suppose you can say, but to watch him pout and mope and generally glower at anyone and anything that kept him from me for any amount of time after getting out of bed and getting dressed, I truly realized that though L was a mature writer who could convince the most intelligent of people to bend to his will, inwardly, he was just as emotionally stunted as a five-year-old. _

_I thought it was hilarious, and I was pretty sure I was the only one to see this side of L and live to tell about it, quite frankly. _

_The days quickly passed by once again; two weeks soon passed without incident, just the same as before. _

_The only difference being, of course, that I now had a permanent indent within my bed that didn't seem to be willing to go away any time soon. _

_Or so I thought…_

* * *

Raito sighed as he waved over at the older dark-haired man speaking with the extras, the smile on his face neither restrained nor noticed on his own part. Misa giggled as Kiyomi elbowed him in the stomach, the strict frown perched over her lips non-flinching and serious.

"You _need _to be careful, kiddo." Lettie rolled her eyes as Christie hesitantly nodded, agreeing whole-heartedly with Kiyomi's statement. "You don't know who might be watching and _why_."

"What do you mean?" Raito smiled as L once again turned his way, the grin the older writer was sporting on his face simple and small, but meaningful all the same.

"This is not going to end well…" Christie moaned as Raito blinked, still in la-la land. "Not at _all_…"

"You girls are being ridiculous." The still-grinning brunette threw his head back as his now-lengthy auburn-colored locks curled over his shoulders and fell half-hazardously against his back. The black sleeveless dress he wore swept over his thin figure attractively, falling to the floor in a graceful flow of fabric as the boy sat down and let Misa absently pull his hair into a loose if sophisticated up-do. "It's not as if we're going at it in front of everyone at all times of the day!"

"Because making goo-goo eyes at each other with everyone watching you isn't imperative of anything, right?" Lettie chuckled as she then sat down on the actor's lap, not caring about the multiple stares now being sent in their direction; Christie nearly snarled at the men drooling all around them, obviously expecting some sort of show. "You need to be careful, darling, or this newfound lust is going to be the end of you before anything even _begins_. Remember: anything goes in our little house of wonders, but the one thing you must _never do_ isactually fall in lo-"

"Ladies!" Aizawa smirked as he bowed, the courtesans and actor nearly sweat-dropping at the sudden interruption. "I hope I am not bothering you all, yes?"

"Of course you are. Can't you tell?" Kiyomi muttered, smirking as Misa leaned forward and grabbed her shoulder to keep herself from falling after nearly laughing herself silly.

"Huh?"

"What can we help you with, Monsieur?" Christie rolled her eyes before the whole conversation could get out of hand (as it was prone to do in Whammy's House).

"Two things, mon cheri!" Aizawa (and his afro) jiggled with glee before extending his hand to Lettie, eyes gleaming with mischievous amusement as he kept his even stare on Raito. "One, our scene is almost ready to begin Madame. Two… it seems a gentleman is here to see you, dearest Raito."

"Uh…"

"Mademoiselle Yagami!" Raito sweat-dropped as Teru Mikami appeared over L's shoulder just a little bit away from the tiny group congregated in the corner, the writer's face now contorting into one of extreme annoyance and… well, Raito didn't want to analyze that other emotion so much.

He didn't think it would be proper for his overall health, after all.

"Hello, Mr. Mikami, sir." Giving the blonde shivering behind him a comforting pat on the hand, the cross-dressing actor stood up and nodded his head, his eyes bright and careful. "How can I help you today?"

"Well, I was hoping to discuss a few things with you… in _private_, if you wouldn't mind, Miss Yagami?" Giving the three woman piled around him a warning cursory glance, Mikami let his sights subtly narrow until all he could was Raito.

"Girls? Don't you have to get up on stage for the next scene?" Raito kept up the faux-grin as Misa whimpered, Kiyomi grabbing both her and Christie's hand as she nodded over at Raito.

The warning in her eyes was clear and readable-

_Don't let him catch you off-guard_.

Though Raito had to wonder which '_him_'Kiyomi was referring to…

"We'll be seeing you later, Raito!" Misa cried out, blonde hair obscuring the rather distressed expression on her face. "Try not to get yourself moles-OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR, KIYOMI?!"

"For being yourself, of course." The dark-haired girl answered back smartly, ignoring the now-laughing Christie hanging off of her other arm, amused beyond belief. "Let's go take our positions, ok?"

"Have fun, girls!" Raito grinned as the gaggle of women made their way up to the stage, still prattling on about god knows what. "Now what was it that you wished to speak about sir?"

Mikami's slick smile cracked into a rather wicked sort of beam, a gleam of deviousness overtaking his sights.

"Well…"

* * *

_I should have stalled. _

_I should have, but I didn't. _

_But it wouldn't have made a difference. _

_My bed had been made long before I had even realized otherwise._

* * *

L felt his hands clench painfully against the script held against his chest, head lowered as he attempted to keep his stare away from the lawyer cozying himself up to his lover in the back of the auditorium, the multiple curtains still waiting to be fully hung around the extravagant room obscuring their silhouettes in a convenient fashion.

"I'm sure he'll be fine." Quillsh whispered by his side, blue eyes smooth and transcendent to the problem at hand. "Although…"

"Yes Quillsh?" L barely pushed out, not being able to keep out the sudden strain he felt over his shoulders.

"How long do you think you will be able to keep this up before one of you breaks, L?"

The younger man stiffened as Quillsh shook his head and sat himself down, leaving his young protégé to think about the question at hand.

"Alright!" L spouted out suddenly, his face stony and discernable as he kept his gaze strictly on the stage. "Is everyone in their positions?"

Receiving a collective nod in agreement, L nodded as Aizawa strutted his way through the crowd of men and woman on stage, Matsuda conveniently situated behind a small gate just behind him.

"Whenever you're ready, Aizawa."

"Of course…" Aizawa stated with a smirk, now watching Lettie with a predatory look in his eyes.

Instead of keeping his attention on the stage, L felt his gaze habitually follow the two figures still draped in the back of the auditorium.

'_What are they doing back there…?_'

"We have a dance in the brothels of Buenos Aires." Aizawa shouted in a hoarse Hispanic accent, smirking as Lettie presented herself down on the 'dance-floor', "It tells the story of the prostitute and a man who falls in love with her."

The sudden cat-calls and whistles lit up the stage as L finally gave into temptation and stepped off to the side, carefully turning so that no one off-stage could catch his change of direction.

'_Raito…_'

"First, there is desire." Aizawa pulled Lettie to him as the young woman smirked, eyes gleaming with laughter.

'_What could he want with you?_'

"Then, passion." Carefully letting his hands fall over the prostitute's sides, the men and woman off on the sides began to rise from their seated positions, albeit slowly.

L dropped his script on one of the older chairs situated against the auditorium's far right wall, the silhouettes solidifying before his very eyes.

"Then, suspicion." Lettie trailed her eyes over the gaggle of men now surrounding the two dancers before being pulled back to Aizawa.

Wishing to catch a snippet of their conversation, L let his thin body fall back onto the shadows, eyes narrowing as his clear blue eyes darkened into a stormy navy.

"Jealousy. Anger. Betrayal." Throwing the young actress at one of the men prowling around the two, Aizawa continued to belt out his lines, not noticing the man he was acting them out for was no longer paying attention.

"When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust." Grabbing Lettie back in a possessive and unstable motion, Aizawa pushed her back, his grip on her wrists tightening until Lettie winced painfully at the discomfort. "Without trust, there can be no love."

"Jealousy…" L clenched his fists as he backed away, not liking how close the two men now were; their bodies visible from the vantage point he was stationed at. "Yes, Jealousy…"

'_Look at the stage, not at him…_'

But it was a lost cause, really.

"_Will drive you…" _L glanced over at Raito, who was still speaking with Mikami. He snarled quietly to himself as the lawyer kissed the back of the boy-turned-girl's hand and smirked, the look within his eyes unmistakable and _unacceptable._ "_Will drive you… will drive you MAD!" _

"_Roxanne!" _

"Mr. Mikami, that isn't necessary." Raito muttered as he pulled away from his employer's financier. "I apologize, but I should be heading back. This is entirely inappropriate-"

"But… I believe I've been more than patient with you, Ms. Yagami." Mikami smirked as he grabbed Raito's hand and pulled him even closer, making his fidgeting even worse. "Or should I say, _Mr_. Yagami?"

Raito felt his eyes nearly pop out of their sockets as the lawyer kissed the shell of his ear, not needing to see the smirk to know it was there.

"_You don't have to put on that red light!_" Lettie smiled as she was passed from man to man, her body bending in all-too-wicked ways. Aizawa held his head as he continued to sing, the tension building within his act and L's stance nearly the same. "_Walk the streets for money;_ _you don't care if it's wrong or if it is right!_"

"_Roxanne!_"

"Ex-excuse me, sir…" Raito whispered as Mikami then kissed his cheek. "Did you just…"

"_You don't have to wear that dress tonight…_"

"Imply the truth?" Mikami pulled back to look at the shocked expression gracing Raito's face. "Of course I did. I mean, did you really think I was that daft, Mr. Yagami? And I thought you were smarter than that."

"_Roxanne!_"

"How do you-"

"I saw you, the first day you entered Whammy's House. I was keeping tabs on L and our dearest Watari, also known as Mr. Quillsh Whammy. You were beautiful, singing as Christian…" Taking in a deep breath, Mikami allowed the boy the space he needed to breathe himself. "But when I heard and saw you take in the part of Satine, I knew I had to have you. You were… simply _gorgeous_."

"_You don't have to sell your body to the night…_"

"S-sir…" Raito felt his heart thud painfully against his rib-cage, eyes fearful and dazed. "I don't understand what it is you wish of me."

"Raito…" The bespectacled man's lips tilted upwards, the damnable smirk highlighting the angular features of the lawyer's face. "You can't be that naïve…"

"I…"

"I can give you the life you've always wanted… as long as you agree to be mine."

"_His eyes upon your face…_" Matsuda sang out, still circling the stage as the dancers spun around and about.

L felt his bitten, crooked nails scratch hellishly against his skin as Mikami caressed Raito's cheek, attempting to restrain himself from doing something completely stupid.

"_His hand upon your hand…_"

'_Why aren't you moving, Raito?_' The writer thought sullenly to himself, the rage in his chest only being subdued by the shallow despair consuming it. '_Why are you letting him touch you in such a way?_'

"_His lips caress your skin…_"

Once again, those lips touched the younger man's hands as Raito's shocked expression did not leave his face.

"_It's more than I can stand…_"

L finally felt blood crawl down his fingers as his skin broke against the cutting strain wracked against it.

"_Roxanne…_"

"I can't give you what you want nor can you give me what I need." The actor nearly snarled as he pulled his hand back, not able to stomach the disappointment scratching his insides. "Please, just leave me be, sir."

"Raito…"

"No! I don't _want _this! Pick somebody else!" Raito almost cried out, his eyes pleading for mercy. "Just _leave me be_."

"_Why does my heart cry?"_

"Leave you be?" Mikami quickly grabbed the boy's wrist before he could walk away, his hardened dark brown eyes flashing a quick scarlet. "I am offering you _everything _on a silver platter and you dare attempt to walk away from me without so much as _thank you_?"

"Mr. Mikami, sir…"

"_Roxanne…"_

"What do you think will happen if I let it be known that our lovely lead actress is _not _all she appears to be, hm?" The cruel light in Mikami's eyes showered the brunette with the harsh reality he had been hoping to ignore. "L's play in ruins, your career, over… I could live without the money lost, but think about you and your fellow actors and actresses pride… and L's."

"_Feelings I can't fight! You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me and please believe me when I say I love you!_" Matsuda shoved his hands within his pockets as he stared up at the 'balcony' which would hold Raito himself once everything was ready.

The dance being carried on stage as the song seemed to be reaching its pinnacle, the men on stage singing contrasting against one another brilliantly.

"_Roxanne…"_

Raito held in a shuddered breath as Mikami stared at him.

"_Why does my heart cry?"_

"What…"

"_Roxanne…"_

"What do you want me to do?" Raito let out, his face shadowed as he stared down at the floor.

"_Feelings I can't fight…"_

"That is what I wish from you, Raito." Mikami slithered as he grabbed the boy's hand once again. "Complete _obedience._"

"_Roxanne…"_

Raito almost gagged as he was pulled into an embrace against his will, glancing to the right out of the corner of his eye.

"_You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me and please…_"

A familiar thin shadow nearly made the shivering brunette cry out for help before the arms around his middle tightened to the point of pain.

"_Roxanne!_"

'_L…_'

"You will do as I say… won't you, Raito?"

'_No, no, no, no…_'

"_Believe me when I say, I love you!_"

L couldn't understand how he was still standing where he was, tiny rivulets of blood still running down his fists as his body shook with tremors of fury.

Infuriated blue eyes met downtrodden hazel, and L let himself fall into the background.

Something had not been right with his lover's gaze as Mikami held onto the body against his with an expression that could not yet be deciphered.

"_Roxanne_!"

"Now…" Raito cringed as that low whisper crawled into his ear, body shaking with fear and rage; his eyes betraying just how filled with _fury _he actually was at the audacity of the man holding him within his arms. "You don't want to hurt your poor little writer friend and destroy all these whore's little precious dreams, do you, Raito?"

"_You don't have to put on that red light, Roxanne."_

"No…" The boy-turned-girl muttered in return, the embrace he was locked within killing him more than the glare L sent his way. "I don't."

"_Roxanne…"_

"Good _girl_…" Mikami smirked as he pressed a small kiss on the actor's cheek. "I'll see you tonight, then?"

"_Roxanne…"_

"Of course." Raito finally pushed himself out of the mock-cuddle, his eyes dark and deadly. "Whatever you say, sir."

"I'll see you later, Ms. Yagami." Was all that Mikami said before he left as quickly as he came, dark brown eyes filled with satisfaction.

As soon as he was gone, Raito let his legs slide down to the floor, eyes stinging with newfound tears.

Finally pushing his way out of his daze, L rushed to Raito's side and practically carried him out of the auditorium, mindful of the actors and actresses now floating off stage.

'_Why didn't you push him away?_'

But L did not voice his question nor did he press the already-frail actor until he had situated as far from the bordello as possible, his honey-brown eyes beseeching him his silence until then.

And though L was as mad as he ever thought he could be…

He couldn't help but give in to his lover's wants.

* * *

_I had never thought I could feel worse than I did at that moment. _

_I had never thought that I could feel more used or dirty. _

_I had hoped that L would make everything better; that he would hold the words of encouragement that I needed to hear. _

* * *

"So… he wants you." L stated evenly, eyes furrowed with distaste as he held his anger at bay. The tiny-looking brunette nodded solemnly as wiped the moisture away from his eyes, glad that L seemed to be taking everything in so wonderfully.

Truthfully, he had been expecting more of an explosion from the older writer.

"And… he wishes for you to meet him tonight at Whammy's house."

"Yes…"

"To do with you what he pleases."

"Apparently."

"And you _agreed _to this?!" Came the sudden yell, the wince Raito impressively suppressed making the boy's internal girl nearly wet herself.

"Please, don't make this a mountain out of a mole-hill, L." The shrill small voice seemed to have come from Raito, who was now curling into himself as the rage L had been suppressing let itself out, wave after wave in unearthly dissatisfaction.

"No! This is completely unacceptable!" Turning to the (_completely_) slightly fearful brunette staring up at him from his spot on the ground, dress fanning out against the hard wood floor as his smudged make-up made for a gorgeous picture of innocent melancholy, L felt his mouth carry away from him. "I _forbid you _from going!"

"And what?! Let everything we've done go to waste?! I refuse to let that happen, L!" Within seconds, the pitiful picture of crushed vulnerability that was Raito crumbled and all that was left was the stubbornness that lay hidden beneath the polite disdain the 19-year-old held for most stupid people and their suggestions.

"And what of when he finds out that you are, indeed, male and not female, Raito?!" The disgruntled playwright nearly tripped over himself as the faint flush still set over his young paramour's cheeks brightened once again. "Raito…?"

"He… he _knows _already, L." Raito blushed as his lover nearly did a double-take, eyes about to fall out of their sockets. "He's known since the beginning. He just didn't want to scare me away, apparently. And on top of all that, if I don't go, he'll not only stop financing your play, he'll tell everyone that I'm not…"

"I see." L bit his thumb as Raito trembled. "I never thought that he would stoop so low as to blackmail, though I would be lying if I didn't think the possibility wouldn't be there if he ever found out…"

"So you see…" The now-timid brunette sighed as he flopped down on the chair beside his bed, the skirts of his dress flying up as he did so. "I really don't have a choice."

"There is always a choice, Raito. You _don't _have to do this-"

"And let everything we've worked for fall? I can't do that, L…"

"So you'll fall into bed with him?!" L scowled as Raito shrugged. "How do you expect me to take this, Raito?!"

"I expect you to trust in my feelings for you and do what's best for everyone." Shaking his head in sad resolution, Raito felt the salty drops of water from earlier cling to his lashes once again. "But I suppose… I suppose that I was right, wasn't I? This was exactly how I expected it to play out to begin with."

Before L could even say another word otherwise, Raito rushed out of his room, eyes stinging with tears and despair.

He had hoped that it wouldn't come to this.

But hoping was almost never enough.

* * *

_I kept thinking that what I wanted from L was reassurances and gentle words of how everything would be alright, but I was wrong. _

_I had wanted a solution of some sort; a magic cure-all that would somehow peel us both out of the mess we had fallen into. The words would have been nice, but even I am not so easily placated in the face of such atrocious options. _

_But I found neither. _

_I didn't blame the poor man, though. It was either his play, which he had been working on for who knows how long, or his lover. _

_And though I was daft to realize it at the time, he _had _made his choice. _

_I just couldn't accept it. _


	8. Vanish Inside Your Kiss

A/N: OMG, LOOK AT MY FAST UPDATING SKILLS!

I know, I'm like, on fire. XD

That and I really just want to finish this story already. Lol. TWO CHAPTERS LEFT, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! (I actually changed it from 11 chapters and an epilogue to 10 chapters and an epilogue, so deal with it, you guys. DEEEEAAALLLLL!)

This chapter nearly killed me with the fluffy-angsty-turmoilish-humor placed within it.

Yes, we CAN have that all in the same chapter. Because I am Hari-Aisu and I can DO THAT! ^.^

*Separate note: Urgh, I have set up a DA account to all those that wish to see my sucky sketches based upon this fic. If you want the link, just let me know. :) (And if you can draw, omg feel free to take it upon yourself to draw you some good WDE art of the fan persuasion! Please, I need to see some art that isn't as sucky as mine! Lol!)

Disclaimer: Don't own Moulin Rouge!, Death Note, nor any of the songs used within this story, nor am I making any profit off said items (though I should be! Kind of…) and if you've told someone that I am, I shall stalk you. Evilly. With a spork. Fear my spork-ful WRATH!

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Chapter Eight: _Vanish Inside Your Kiss_

* * *

_When it came down to it, in front of me were two paths. _

_One led to my dreams of stardom and security-_

_The other, dreams of passion and wholeness. _

_Was it really my choice, though? _

_It seemed like I was only a puppet, and every person I came in contact with held a string to my person, laughing as I am pulled however way they wish. _

_The question still plagues me, even as I am free from their clutches… _

* * *

Raito hated this.

He hated not having any control over the situation at hand.

He hated having to be at someone else's mercy.

He hated having to _degrade _himself in keeping on the same damnable dress that caused him to be in this mess to begin with-

But most of all, he hated the fact that L wasn't here with him, holding him, telling him it would all be alright.

And after tonight, he might not ever want to ever again.

Holding back his own sneer of distaste, Raito carefully lined his lips red, the faint rouge covering his cheeks highlighting his tanned skin beautifully. Pushing his bangs away from his face, the gorgeous brunette held his breath as he carefully examined his appearance. The tight black off-the-shoulder dress he wore clung to his body like a second skin; the bottom flaring out to the floor in a ruffle of waves.

He looked and felt positively womanly and he _hated _it.

It had been _years _since he had felt so _out of sync_ with his position in society and all this place was doing was reminding him of a time so similar to this; a time where he had been just another pawn in a greater game he had not been able to comprehend at the time.

A small knock on his dressing-room door broke Raito out of his reverie, his caramel-brown eyes narrowing in anger.

'Just what I need…' Raito thought to himself as he slammed the small tube of lipstick he had been clenching between his fingers back onto the dresser, gritting his teeth in a rather unfeminine fashion. 'A reminder of what I'm doing all this for.'

"Come in," the boy lilted out instead, eyes dropping down in restrained despair. Quillsh Whammy sighed as he opened the door, a tiny weary smile perched against his lips that couldn't quite reach his eyes.

"Mr. Mikami is waiting for you in his suite, darling."

"Of course." Raito whispered, gathering the bottom hemming of his dress so it wouldn't drag on the floor. "Before I go, Mr. Whammy, could you, perhaps, do me a favor?"

"What do you need, Mr. Yagami?"

Raito smiled sadly as he tilted his head to the side and silently continued to combat the onslaught of pleas and screams itching to escape his lips; not even the great pimp of Whammy's House could save him from the situation both he and L had placed themselves in.

"Would you tell him… that I'm sorry?"

Nodding sadly as the dear teen quietly slid past him, Quillsh let his head hang forward, stuck between indifference and worry. Watching the darkly-dressed young man fall into the shadows of his bordello, the old man nodded towards the red-haired man that stood silently in the farthest corner of the hallway, a lazy trail of smoke floating around him as he played with the tiny cigarette still nestled in between in his lips.

Without one word to each other, the younger man kicked himself off of the wall and walked forward, barely even acknowledging the pimp as he slowly pantomimed the earlier brunette's steps, his bright blue willowy pants contrasting greatly with his bejeweled orange vest. Waving an absent hand over his shoulder, that whirlwind of smoke that cautiously swirled around the man disappeared within the shadows of Whammy's House's hallways, making Quillsh wonder if he had, for once, made the wrong choice.

* * *

_Pulled back and forth; not knowing who to trust and who to scorn, it was possibly the most confused I have ever felt in my life. _

_Even when I was younger and trying to fend for myself and-_

_Well, that's a different story altogether. _

* * *

"Mr-" Raito took a steadying breath as he knocked on the door, ignoring his own trembling in favor of keeping the proper decorum needed in this situation. "Mr. Mikami?"

The large board of oak-wood opened not even a moment later, the lawyer's smiling countenance greeting the younger man bathed in black silk, his fidgety hands pulling against each other even as the bespectacled attorney ushered him inside the large dark room.

"Come in, my dear!" Mikami didn't even hesitate as he pulled on the younger man's arm, the elegant table in the middle of the room furnished to perfection; the dinner set over it smelling just as delicious as it appeared to be. "Dinner is already served; I hope everything is to your liking!"

'If everything was to my liking, I wouldn't even _be _here…' But Raito was smart enough not to say this out loud-

Not if the way Mikami was leering at him was any indication.

"I'm sure it's just as good as it looks, Mr. Mikami." Raito struggled to keep the snarl off of his lips as he said this, mouth twitching as his hand fell victim to the older man's grasp. "Would you like to get started?"

"Of course…" Mikami pulled out the chair and allowed Raito to become comfortable before moving to his seat on the other side of the table, his glasses gleaming as the fireplace next to their table served as the only source of light within the room. Carefully picking up his own wineglass as Raito did the same, the lawyer nodded his go-ahead.

"I suppose you think me a monster, don't you?" Mikami suddenly stated as Raito brought the glass of wine to his lips and sipped, choking on it unexpectedly. "But I am not as horrible as you think I am, Raito. I simply did what I had to, to be able to spend time with you without having… _someone _there looking over your shoulder at every available moment."

For some reason, Raito knew that Mikami had a specific '_someone'_ in mind as he gritted it out between clenched teeth.

"I could give you everything you've ever hoped for," the light within Mikami's eyes began to dim, giving his deceptively warm countenance a cold appearance "you would never long for anything nor would you ever need to disgrace yourself in this fashion; you would be accepted as you were and be given opportunities that you could never hope to achieve stuck in this place, doing what you are doing."

"As long as I bend to your will." Raito finished for him. "As long as I'm obedient to only you."

"Ex-_actly_." Putting down the glass, Mikami smiled as he shifted the bifocals slipping down the bridge of his nose. "All I ask is that you be mine, and in return, you will never want for anything."

"Except my freedom." Mikami's grin slid off of his face as the statement cut through the air, Raito's normally pleasing stare narrow and spiteful. "I don't take well to such circumstances, Mr. Mikami. The only reason I've appeared before you tonight is because of your threat to my own reputation and the investment set into Whammy's House for our play. However, I would gladly leave my reputation in your hands if you expect me to bow down to you, and I am sure we would be able to find another contributor if you decided that your money was no good here after tonight."

"I'm sure L would say otherwise."

"I wouldn't bet on that, Mr. Mikami."

Both men glared at the other before Raito picked up his glass and took another sip, his look not lessening in the least.

"It would be in your best interest to agree, Mr. Yagami." Mikami gritted out before standing up once again, the actor's demeanor not changing even as his fingers tightened upon the glass stem of his challis.

"No, it would be in _your _best interest, not _mine._" Raito snapped back, his patience all but gone under the stress of the situation. He couldn't find it in himself to act when this monster posing as a man treated him as a, as a… _thing._ "I don't have to stay here; this isn't my home and France can rot for all I care. You may have power over this play, but _you hold no power over me_."

"I suggest holding your tongue, Mr. Yagami."

Ignoring the tightness of Mikami's voice, Raito got off of his chair and stood up himself as the space between himself grew smaller and smaller. "Is this how you treat _all _people under your contract, Mr. Mikami? Blackmail them into sleeping with you and attempt to strip them of all freedom whatsoever? Because if that _is_ the case, I _pity _your underlings!"

"Rai-_to_…" The closer Mikami became, the more riled up Raito felt; his body aching with anger and his mind bursting with unnatural rage. Instead of trying to calm himself, as he normally _would have done_, Raito felt the tidal wave of fury rush over him and cloud his judgment until all he could see was _red_.

"You're dishonorable and cruel; willing to put a whole mess of people working diligently on your own investment out of work because of _one person _who _doesn't WANT you!_" Mikami's hand began to tremble as Raito continued to speak, clenching and unclenching as the usually placid actor continued on with his rant and ignored the warning signs before him. "You're the worst kind of man! I may be dressed as I am and taking the parts I do, but at least I'm willing to do so for the right reasons! You make me sick-!"

_CLACK!_

"How DARE you!" Mikami bellowed as he stared down at the actor now sprawled on the floor looking up at him shock, hand holding the very same cheek the lawyer had just struck. Amber brown eyes widened in shock as Raito stroked his painfully throbbing cheek and lip, honestly not knowing how to react. He had been in many fights and had done what was necessary to keep himself alive up until that point, but this type of situation was new to him. "I have given you and these nobodies a chance to build a new reputation for this whorehouse and _this _is how you _treat me_?! If you shall not give it to me of your own free-will, then you give me no choice, _Miss_."

Raito nearly shrieked as he was hauled up by his arm and thrown forward, being pushed towards another door on the other side of the room that led towards-

'_No…_'

He was…

Strong hands gripped his shoulders as he was pushed back into the smaller room adjoining to this one, the large bed in the middle of the floor nearly suffocating him with its various sheets as he fell back on the mattress.

He was going to be…

Mikami threw his glasses off to the side and shoved off his coat as Raito quickly sat up and tried to get off the bed, only to be smacked back down. Kicking the man back with a heeled foot, Raito barreled onto the lawyer and hissed as they both hit the floor in a painful succession of limbs and fabric. A straggling grip kept itself on the skirts of his obnoxious dress, pulling until the material was split in all directions, but Raito did not let that deter him as he fought the older man's grip with all he had.

Raito yelped as he was suddenly slammed onto the floor, Mikami, who now sported a bloody nose and a black eye, snarled down at him.

He was going to be _raped_.

And no one, _no one_, was going to come to his rescue _this_ _time_.

Raito tried to work his voice, but no sounds escaped. He gasped as Mikami leaned down and forced himself into his mouth, sucking the breath out of the terrified boy beneath him.

'_Oh dear god, __**no**__…_'

Yet still, the boy could not utter a _sound._

Before he could get back to struggling, however, a lone shadow appeared at the doorway, scaring the actor for but a moment-

Until a vase came pummeling down on Mikami's head and sent the older man off the side of the bed and onto the floor, pieces of plaster hanging off of Raito's ruined dress and hair. Blinking a couple of times, Raito glanced up at his savior, expecting L's pale face to come rushing through the shadows and hold him close to his chest…

Only to be severely disappointed at the sight in front of him.

Raito stared up at the redhead huffing out in exhaustion as a pale hand shot out and grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the room before Mikami could regain his consciousness.

"Well, what are ya waitin' for, let's go girlie!"

And just like that, the frightened brunette let his feet fly as his savior led him out of the suite and away from the unstable proprietor of their grand musical-

Somehow, Raito didn't think this was going to fly all too well once Mikami woke up from his little 'cat-nap'…

* * *

_I still couldn't believe I had been rescued; by a stranger no less!_

_Even in my mind I could see L strolling in and decking Mikami in the face before grabbing hold of me and whisking me away to his room…_

_But L never came. _

_I didn't blame him, of course. _

_I probably would have killed him if he did._

_But… it would have been nice. _

_It really would have._

* * *

"Thank you for saving me, uh…" Raito stuttered out as he entered the small room the other boy had opened, still not sure what to think of the situation at hand.

"The name's Mail!" The redheaded boy, now that the light in the tiny room gave him a better view of such a visage, seemed to be a couple years younger than Raito himself, grinning widely upon the scantily-dressed boy now sitting on the floor, the room they were settled in a plain cream color.

It actually resembled his dressing room, now that Raito took the time to glance around, noting the large set of bureaus on the other side of the room and standing mirror, garishly decorated in gold.

"Uh… I'm Raito. Where…?"

"You're in my partner's dressing room, if you're wondering. He was gonna be in L's play, but then something came up with his ma and he had to take a temporary leave until she was feelin' better. I just got back myself, to tell the truth; he said that I was less useful over there with him than I was here at Whammy's, and I figure it must've been true with the way his ma was always yellin' at me." Pulling his hand out to shake with the other's in the form of 'formal introduction', Mail ignored the shell-shocked look perched upon his charge's face and immediately chuckled. "I help Whammy with the riff-raff in this place in exchange for food and board, so you'll be seeing me a lot now that I'm back! Especially if that creepy rapist comes flouncin' back into our place…"

"He's the main contributor to our upcoming performance, so you will most definitely see him again…" Raito muttered, looking down as to miss the stunned expression on his new friend's face "and I'm absolutely sure that the next time we do see him, he will be most unhappy with me."

"Jeez! L's mixing it up with guys like _that_! I knew he wanted to get his play off the ground, but I was hopin' he'd at least have more sense than that! Especially with a guy as cute as you around… From what I heard back there, I can guess that you weren't exactly willin' to be dressed in such cute clothin', especially with all the attention you been gettin'." Raito blushed as Mail stated this, just remembering how completely _lacking _he was in the clothing department… and if the way he had been speaking about his '_partner_' was any hint…

'_Damn it all, can't I get any kind of break here whatsoever?!_'

"But I was hearin' 'bout a special case from the gals the mornin' that I came back… you must've been it." Mail smiled as he scratched his head, green eyes lit with glee. "Not many people can get L pissed off, and you seem to do it without even tryin'; at least, that's what I been told! Tell me, how mad was he when he found out you had to give it up to that creepy guy?"

The same heat as before crept over the honey-eyed actor's cheeks as he bent his head down, slightly ashamed as he thought back on his fight with L. "Very angry. I've never seen so much emotion come out of him all at once… but how did you know-"

"L's a guy that don't give a crap 'bout nobody. You make him angry, that means you mean something. And with the way you're dressed and look and act, I can see why. L needs somebody feisty like you to keep 'im on his toes!" Nudging the smiling brunette on his arm, Mail winked in mock-secrecy. "Listen, you stay here for a sec, 'k? I'm gonna lock the door so nobody can come in, but I need to take care of some business. Get yourself dressed up; Mihael won't care what you wear so long as you give it back, I know for a fact. You two look about the same size, so it should fit you all good."

"You've been so kind to me without not even having met me before…" Raito sighed as he got up, watching the man stall as he re-opened the entrance of room. "Please believe me when I say this from the bottom of my heart; thank you so much, Mail."

"Hey, it's no skin off my nose, Raito." Carefully slipping through the narrow space he gave himself, Mail waved at the grinning teenager. "You just hurry along and get yourself all prettied-up. I'll be back as soon as I can, alright?"

Raito nodded as he turned towards the bureaus.

'Oh god, please don't be filled with women's clothing too…'

As Raito opened one of the drawers, he nearly fell over his own feet.

"God damn it!"

Apparently, Raito really _did _have the worst luck anyone had ever known…

When it came to lady's clothing.

* * *

_I felt comfortable with Mail, and I could automatically see why. _

_Two boys who weren't able to get the same education as everyone else and were thrown out on the street at a young age…_

_Honestly, I felt comfortable around him, and I didn't even know him all that well yet. _

_But he saved me, and I was grateful. _

_Who would have thought that this man would soon become one of my closest friends?_

* * *

Raito sighed as he brushed back the imaginary lint from the folds of the skirts wrapped around his long legs, the dark blue fabric of the dress doing little to save his masculinity as it flew out the window and died a horrible, cruel death. Smoothing out the empire-style bodice with trembling fingers, Raito wondered just what kind of person this Mihael was; the amount of leather and scantily-clad dresses almost astounding compared to the laid-back persona Mail seemed to exude with his simple stance and comfortable, if colorful, dress-wear.

Lost in his thoughts about whatever relationship Mail seemed to hold with this mystery boy, Raito missed the sound of a key jingling against the lock of the door behind him, perched daintily over one of lavish chairs set against the wall, the birdcage to his side empty as the boy tinkered with it with restless fingers.

"… … Raito?"

Gripping the sides of the cage, the bruised (and still very tired) teen stilled his movements almost immediately. The lowly baritone speckled with concern echoed throughout the room, making the teenage actor shiver unconsciously at its near timid utterance.

"L…"

Immediately Raito set his hand over the still-burning mark set upon his face, biting his lip as he kept his back to his lover. "What are you doing here?"

"Mail sent for me. He didn't say much, only that he felt that you would like to speak to me… about what's happened." A pair of familiar hands trailed over the boy's bare shoulders, making him flinch at the sensation of cold digits upon his flesh. "Are you… was he very rough with you? Raito?"

"You're still willing to speak to me, even thinking about the things he may have done to me?" Raito whispered, shivering (partly in desire, partly in self-hate) as those same hands trailed down his shoulders and wrapped themselves around his svelte waist, tightening at the words leaving the brunette's mouth.

"He may have gotten your body for one night, but you promised me many more, Raito."

"Promises can be broken without a second thought, L."

"I doubt even you would be so cruel."

Strands of ebony fell over Raito's shoulder as L leaned his forward and let fall against the bony structure of the younger man's shoulder blade.

"But… I'll admit that even my self-assurance is minimal at best, in this situation. Prove it to me, please." The desperation set within his lover's voice nearly broke him; Raito honestly didn't know what to say, but he knew that at this moment, he couldn't do much to physically reassure L without feeling ill at the experience he had narrowly escaped just an hour before. "Prove to me that you're still mine, Raito, and that everything I am imagining is nothing compared to the things we shall do and already have done. That is all I ask of you."

"I… please, I can't…" Holding back the sob clinging to his voice, Raito couldn't even seem to finish his sentence as the hold on his waist tightened even further. "I just _can't_…"

"So you can offer yourself to some man who does nothing but hurt you, but to me, the man you supposedly have feelings for, you'll not even reassure him of his place by your side!" If the words didn't outrage the younger man, the sudden change in pitch within L's voice did.

Even if Raito _had _slept with Mikami, was this how L would react? As if Raito's own emotions were an inconvenience; that his own self-disgust meant nothing compared to L's own jealousy?

Was this… just a matter of _possession _to the writer, who seemed to know nothing of what it meant to be in a relationship; even less than Raito himself?

The thoughts and questions kept swirling and swirling until the 19-year-old felt dizzy with anger and despair, making his blood rise with a speed that for once had _nothing _to do with desire-

In a matter of seconds, Raito snapped for the second time that night.

"I didn't do anything with him, you idiot!" L gasped as Raito finally turned around, the vivid bruise set upon his cheek and bright red cut slicing through his bottom lip freezing the older man in place. "He… he almost… but nothing like that happened, and you can thank Mail for that! If not for him showing up when he did, who knows what could have happened with me?!"

"Raito…" Carefully tracing the hand-mark with trembling pale fingers, the writer grimaced as he felt the swollen lumps. "Raito, I'm s-"

"Don't." Falling back, Raito shook his head, as angry as words could describe. "Don't say it, because yet again, you've shown me your true colors, L. What was this about, staking your claim on me? How dare you… how dare you even think that way about me, after I nearly gave in to make sure that _you _would still have a dream worth having! You're still the only person I've let touch me in such a fashion, L. _Feel proud._"

"That's not it at all, Raito, and you know it! What else was I supposed to think; you didn't even fight with the prospect of seeing him _at all_." Flustered beyond compare, L's own pale cheeks seemed to come alive with color. "And I… well, I was just… this is about…"

"So _what _then, L?! You think that forcing yourself upon meand making me feel like trash will automatically make all of your insecurities disappear?! Don't be such an idiot!" Appearing to be appropriately chastised for his horrible behavior, L pulled himself out of his usual hunch and to his full height as Raito spun around and wiped the remaining sting of tears from his eyes. "I can't… I can't do this, L. What's worse… what's worse is that I honestly thought… I honestly thought you were different from everyone _else_-"

Holding back a stuttering exhalation of breath, Raito escaped the suffocating atmosphere of the dressing room, the bordello the _last _place he wanted to be within (_yet again_).

He had thought L had been different.

Apparently…

He had been dead _wrong_.

* * *

_Thinking back on it, perhaps I was too rough on L. _

_He did have his own set of problems that I did not realize at the time, and I suppose that could attribute to the social awkwardness…_

_But really, I was too mad at the time to care. _

_Two forced molestations all in the same night?_

_No thank you._

* * *

Raito sighed as he smiled over at Mail, who casually leaned against the entrance of Whammy's House as if he himself owned the place, his now-signature cigarette hanging off of his lips in a lackadaisical display of feigned indifference. After being given a week off, per L's request Mail had informed him, Raito felt a bit better about being inside Whammy's House once again. He still felt a bit jittery about possibly bumping into Mikami and the bruises on his face still held a faint sheen, but he knew he couldn't stay cooped up in his hotel room with only Mail as temporary company forever.

"I see our little starlet is ready to face her fellow friends, eh?" Mail ducked the punch headed towards his shoulder as the cross-dressing thespian glowered down at him, not missing the 'her' instead of 'he' in his sentence. "C'mon, Raito, you'll be alright! From what I hear, the girls got mighty depressed without ya here to boss around! And L… damn, he's been nothin' but a hot mess! Doesn't even want to come out to work; won't even leave his room for rehearsal!"

"But now that you're here…" Mail slickly insinuated, wagging his eyebrows devilishly for added effect. "Why don't ya just go see him and straighten this whole lot out, eh? Save yourself the trouble, Rai-toooo…"

"No." Raito stated simply, shrugging his knapsack over his other shoulder for comfort. "He'll have to put in the effort this time; I'm too tired to even _try _to keep up with his train of thought."

Mail shrugged as he followed his friend into the brothel, smiling at all the people who were willing to look past Raito and acknowledge him. Raito, of course, barely waved to the people practically pointing at him, too out of it to really pay any attention to his surroundings.

"Raito, you'll be ok. I'm right behind ya, promise." Mail whispered over the boy's shoulder as they stood in front of the grand hall doors, the entire lining of the would-be-theater nearly completed as the entrance was opened and Raito stepped inside his workplace.

"RAAAAIIIITTTOOOOO!"

Raito braced himself as a blonde flurry of skirts shot past the girls now gaping at him, Mail stumbling back comically as Kiyomi's loud laughter echoed throughout the auditorium. "Eh… Misa…"

"HOW COULD YOU LEAVE US FOR A WEEK AND NOT EVEN COME VISIT US! YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST DROPPED BY ONCE! DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED WE'VE ALL BEEN?!"

"Speak for yourself…" Lettie mumbled under her breath before Christie stomped on her foot, causing her to yowl in pain.

"I'm sorry," Raito smiled as he patted on the classic Yagami-Charm™ and pulled the younger girl's arms off of his neck "I was preoccupied with a small illness. I promise it won't happen again."

"Ah, did L give you what he has?" Christie asked, green eyes curious. "He's been hacking and coughing in his room all week! I think he even passed out at one po-"

"Ladies!"

Raito pulled his bangs back as his head hung forward, the girls parting way in shock as the aforementioned writer stood on stage, huffing in deep breaths as he stared directly at his lead star. How word got out that Raito was here so fast, the young chestnut-eyed brunette would never know, but he figured he was better off not knowing anyway. "I believe we are here to rehearse not speculate anything on anyone's behalf, yes?"

"Of course, sir!" Came various high-pitched voices, the abrupt flood of women hurrying towards their scripts blinding the19-year-old actor as a series of woman and men stretching off in one corner began snickering under their breaths. Raito audibly gulped at the incoming playwright now making his way to him, blue eyes dark and tired.

"Remember Raito; moral support!" Mail whispered in his ear before he gave him a thumbs-up and scurried off into one of the many chairs available past the aisle Raito was currently stationed at. Sweat-dropping at the obvious chicken move, the now-scared-but-trying-not-to-show-it brunette gripped the strap of his shoulder bag and quirked an eyebrow at his employer.

"We shall be practicing a new song today," holding out a series of papers in Raito's direction, L's sleepless eyes seem to seep into Raito's own gaze as if they were dying of thirst, and the actor's appearance was the water they so desperately needed "and as such, you shall be rehearsing with me."

"What about Matsuda?"

"He had take leave; fell over unconscious as soon as he entered Whammy's." L stated, still holding out the papers in Raito's direction. Nodding his acceptance, Raito reached forward and held onto the papers, L's long fingers softly caressing against his own as he did so before coming forward and whispering in his ear. "I should hope that you realize just how sorry I am, Raito."

Raito sighed as he took the piece of paper handed to him, the writer's lingering touch and mournful tone of voice stilling his vicious comment before it could even reach his lips. "I'm not looking for an apology, L. But we'll leave that for later… do you need me to change today?"

"Unnecessary." The blue-eyed director/writer tiredly shook his head as he nodded towards the stage, the piano set off to the side near the orchestra pit a new addition to their environment. "Once you are ready, please meet me at the piano."

The boy simply shrugged off his bag onto one of the nearby chairs and ruffled his auburn-colored locks, the hair now running past his shoulders and hanging mid-back, hanging in a low ponytail set at his neck.

"I'm ready now."

L smiled, his eyes brightening immensely at the action.

"Of course."

* * *

_He was hurt, but so was I, even if I tried to to show it. _

_I wondered why he looked so sickly, though…_

_I should have asked. _

_But I didn't._

* * *

"I'll start," L murmured, sitting down in front of the piano next to Adrienne, their key pianist. "Please follow my lead, Raito; I believe you will recognize the tune and lyrics after the time we spent putting together."

Nodding in a show of understanding, the pants-wearing boy (_as it was so often he was in a dress, he reveled in the fact that he could rehearse in his regular clothes once again_) flipped his hair over his eyes and peaked up at the man now concentrating on solely on his presence, everyone else within the room seemingly forgotten under the writer's unerring stare.

The piano intro seemed to last forever to Raito, when truly it was only a scant couple of seconds, the playwright's mouth slowly opening as his eyes glistened with something akin to guilt; Raito kept his eyes to the ground, still not quite ready to let go of his anger-

"_Never knew I could feel like this…_"

Raito shifted his eyes forward, the other man's gaze still entirely on him.

He knew this song.

He had helped L _write _this song, for gosh sakes!

'_Oh no…_' Trying to keep a reign on his emotions, Raito bit his lip and glanced down at the music and words. '_God, you truly hate me, don't you?_'

"_Like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss…_" L leaned forward as Raito felt his breath halt within his throat. "_Every day I love you more and more._"

"_Listen to my heart; can you hear it sing?_" Mail snickered in the audience as the 19-year-old actor blushed, turning off to the side in an effort to stifle his own reaction to the lyrics of the song and the man singing them. "_Telling me to give you everything!_"

"_Seasons may change; Winter to Spring, but I love you-_" The pull of the piano slowed as the boy held in his breath, L's gaze softening with each passing word. "_Until the end of time." _

'_Why do you have to make me feel this way_…?' Raito thought to himself as he walked towards the piano and leaned over to the side, staring down at the words as the music flowed through the body of the instrument.

"_Come what may, come what may…_" A hand came up and swept a lone bang away from his left eye, causing Raito to jump as L now stood next to him, bench forgotten. "_I will love you until my dying day!_"

"_Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place…_" Feeling that same hand trace the spot where the handprint had lain, Raito felt his heart skip in rebellion to his control. "_Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace…_"

"_Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste-_" L shifted a bit closer to his person, unmindful to the audience once again watching their every move. "_It all revolves around you._"

'_I'm so tired of having to defend myself to you; of having to defend my own point of view along with having to explain myself even when I shouldn't have to._'

But this feeling…

It was so hard to make sense of this feeling that surged up within him whenever L was in his vicinity.

"_And there's no mountain too high; no river too wide! Sing out this song, and I'll be there by your side._" Their voices in harmony against one another mixed in splendidly; everything they did together seemed to be made of gold. Many of the girls watching them grew jealous as L practically curled himself around Raito and vice-versa, not even noticing just how well they meshed together. "_Storm clouds may gather,_ _and stars may collide!"_

Suddenly L halted, looking Raito right in his eyes without the slightest bit of hesitation.

"_But I love you-_"

Raito stared back, lips curling upward in a tiny lilting smile.

"_I love you-_"

Mail now guffawed loudly in the background as random extras shushed him left and right, L and Raito completely lost in each other's eyes.

'I didn't think you could literally _lose _yourself in somebody's eyes! Oh my GOD, I'm never lettin' L forget this… _ever._'

"_Until the end of time." _

Glancing down at the paper with the music and lyrics written on them, Raito tried to will away the large blush staining his cheeks as he continued to sing.

"_Come what may_, _come what may…_ _I will love you until my dying day…"_

Only L could ever make him feel flustered without even having to do anything.

"_Oh, come what may, come what may… I will love you-_"

"_I will love you._" Raito whispered against his ear, the grin on his face infectious and pure in contrast to the faded bruises on his cheeks and the slightly jaded look within his eyes. "_Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place._"

"_Come what may, come what may…_" L suddenly grabbed the sides of Raito's face, and leaned forward, eyes coming closer and closer…

Barely a hair's breath away from the other, the two men felt their eyes closing slowly as the words fell from their lips without even having to look down at the script.

"_I will love you until my dying day!_"

Raito halted L's progression forward with a gentle hand to the chest, simply staring at his lover as the note drifted off and the applause from their audience roared into the ceiling of the future theater.

"Later." Raito stated lightly, biting his lip as L nodded, leaning forward until their foreheads touched.

So into the other were the actor and writer that neither noticed a pair of livid dark brown eyes smoldering in the back of the auditorium, the lone man gritting his teeth painfully against each other as a hat, which had once laid on his head, now lay smashed against his wringing hands.

'I will find a solution… Teru Mikami _always_ finds a solution…'

Without so much as a hello, the begrudged attorney stomped out of the theater, a smart-aleck redhead still huddled in his seat keeping his bright green gaze on him until he disappeared from view.

'That,' Mail thought to himself with grimace, 'can't be good.'

* * *

_Even though I wanted to say that hearing L 'proclaim' his feelings in such a way made me feel a bit better at the time, it didn't. _

_It helped, certainly, but I didn't want him to think that every time we had a spat that he could write a poem or a song and everything would be ok. That was just _asking _for trouble. _

_No, in order to move on from the rut we had both stuck ourselves into, we had to take a risk and actually _talk _about our problems. _

_Something neither of us was very adept at, thanks very much._

* * *

Raito groaned as he was pressed against the wall of his dressing room, fingers diving onto L's shoulders to find some sort of purchase to hang onto as those dreaded lips found his pulse point and sucked it into oblivion.

"L… L, stop!" Trying to find his voice even whilst L continued to kiss and suckle up the side of his neck and onto his ear, Raito half-heartedly pushed against the other man so as to grab his senses and keep hold of them for more than five minutes. "We didn't come in here for this!"

"We can speak later…"

"No," finally prying his lover off of him, Raito gave the man a weak glare as he straightened his clothing "we speak now, while we still have our wits about us, or this will be brushed under the rug, and I _will not allow _that."

"Speak for yourself…" L breathed out as he backed away from the tempting boy, the aching in his groin only intensifying as he thought of all the things they _could _be doing right now instead of _talking_.

"Well?" The ravished brunette crossed his arms across his chest, eyebrow quirked up.

L blinked as he pointed to himself, bluish-gray eyes wide with consternation.

Raito began to tap a rhythm against the floorboards beneath his feet, smirking as L finally sighed.

"I… was an idiot." The writer bit out, once again displaying his immature tendency consisting of _not _wanting to admit he was wrong.

"And?"

"I was insensitive to you and your plight and deserve to be maimed horribly for hurting you after you had already dealt with such a traumatizing experience."

"_And?_"

"… … … I love you and I promise not to ever do something so egotistical and uncaring ever again?"

Raito rolled his eyes as L eagerly shuffled his feet and pulled his hands out of his pockets, cerulean-colored eyes sparkling with hope…

Hope for molestation, of course.

"And that's all you have to say?" Raito snapped, the older man pushing _all _the right buttons to piss him off as usual.

'_At least I know that for better or for worse, some things won't ever change…_' Raito felt his eyes narrow as he shook his head, wanting to punch L's head through a wall. '_Like L's sex drive, for instance._'

"Raito," the oceanic pair of eyes widened even further, a feat Raito didn't even know was possible "I did not mean to upset you after finding you the way I did. You were right to be angry with me, but you must understand, I have never felt this way before. What you make me feel is still all very new to me, and at times, I do not know what the best response would be towards the situation at hand. I will most likely mess up again; in fact, I know I will. However, I will attempt to stave off such negative reactions in the future so that you will not feel as frustrated as you feel at this moment and hope that you understand that I felt just as hurt as you did seeing you used in such a way… even if you did not _do _anything to service the buffoon."

Raito sighed as he tried to ignore the way L grit his teeth at the end of his mini-speech, the writer's usual eloquence failing to enrapture him as the older man's jealousy once again got the best of him.

Straightening out his vest, Raito smiled as a pale hand covered his own pair, gripping at his fingers with a tenuous hold before pulling his right hand and placing it over the playwright's heart. "Can you feel that?"

Trying not to blush at the rapid pace thrumming beneath his fingers, the actor nodded.

"This is what you do to me. I feel as if I am not myself when I am around you, Raito." L ducked his head down as he laced their fingers together and took a step towards the beautiful brunette practically backed against a wall. "And that scares me."

"And you think you don't have any effect on me either? I know what you're feeling, and I am _just _as scared, L!" Raito stuttered out, knowing his own heart was racing just as quickly as L's. "_You_ had to chase _me_, remember?!"

The sly smile perched upon the pale man's face lightened up his visage immensely, the shadows under his eyes even appearing to shrink a bit at the edges.

"I know that it's not been easy," falling in step with the older man, Raito felt their chests nearly touch as he stared into those blue eyes that had given him no choice _but _to fall for this seemingly confusing individual who was a genius in all but human interaction "and I know we'll still fight from here to kingdom come even after all we've been through; honestly, I don't think either of our natures would ever allow such an effortless relationship to sit between us. But I…"

The words caught in Raito's throat, struggling to force themselves out but failing miserably. Berating himself internally for not being able to say what he thought L needed to hear the most, Raito missed the pale hand not still caught in his hold float upward and catch the side of his face in its touch. L shifted slightly so that not a millimeter of space lay between them, the sides of their noses bumping slightly as their faces came close to touching, but not quite.

"Let it be known," L slipped out as the smile on his face grew "that I said it first."

"Idiot." The smile on his lover's lips split into a full grin as the familiar insult graced his ears, knowing that was Raito's way of sharing his 'love'. "Let it be known that I won't ever say it _at all_."

"Oh, you'll say it." Placing a chaste kiss on the bronzed cheek, L smirked before moving lower, letting go of Raito's hand and face so as to hold onto his waist. "I know you will."

Shifting over to hold onto L's shoulders, the boy said nothing, his lips preoccupied as his mouth as caught by a separate appendage. Letting his hands wander upward into the raggedly-cut mop L liked to call hair, Raito smirked against the other man's lips as the embrace around his torso spread open until on hand lazily trailed down his backside and the other against the high-side of his back.

'_Pervert._'

Killing the last thought before it could ruin the moment, Raito closed his eyes and moaned as a slick muscle slid against his bottom lip and pried his mouth open, losing himself so suddenly that he didn't notice the adventurous hand curve against his side until it met the line of buttons of his vest, popping them with ease.

He really should've been worried once the older man detached himself from his mouth and untied his long locks and pulled off the vest…

But with the way Raito himself began to pull at the writer's own assortment of clothing, it was _the least _of his worries.

'_I will love you_…' Raito thought sneakily, smiling against his lover's shoulder as he peeled off his collared-shirt from his arms. '_Until my dying day._'

* * *

_If I had known how ironic those words were, I wouldn't have thought them at all. _

_Because…_

_It wasn't…_

_God. _

_How could I have been so damn blind?_


	9. Another Failed Romance

A/N: _Show must go o-_Oh, wait. Author's note, right. ^.^; Omg, next chapter is TOTALLY the last chapter! OMG I totally don't feel depressed about that. Lol. I'm so exhausted I just want to get this done…

Let me tell you guys, I was just going to leave this in the backburner and let it rot but I bucked the hell up and trudged through every freaking word like a trooper. If that doesn't deserve a damn cookie I don't know what does! I really have nothing else to say either… urgh, I need a nap. XD

As a warning, to those of you who _haven't _seen the movie and are reading the story, the lyrics to Queen's "Show Must Go On" are purposely skewed. So please don't review/pm me and ask/flame me by prattling on about how the lyrics are wrong. Yes, the song is not actually structured like that, but was modified as so for the movie. So don't be surprised if I call you an idiot if you don't read this and complain. Sorry. (Not really lol)

OMG ALMOST FORGOT! I got fanart for this story! XD Thank you to Viciada desde 2005 for said fanart! I wish I could post the link here but ffdotnet is a total douche for that stuff. So, link on the profile plskthnx! :D And if YOU would like a shout out, fanart much appreciated thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own MR!, DN OR "Show Must Go On" by Queen. Also, "Fool to Believe" has been modified for this chapter… might as well say so before I see some hecklers picking at that too lmao.

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Chapter Nine: _Another Failed Romance_

* * *

_For awhile, everything seemed fine. _

_A month passed without incident and L and I grew all the closer. Mail also seemed to take to hanging around me whenever L was busy or I wasn't rehearsing, leaving me with little time for myself. I did not mind, but at times, it was a bit overwhelming. _

_I would grow to appreciate those busy days later on, though. _

_Even those days where the only things exchanged between us was nothing but annoyance. _

* * *

Raito sighed as he stared at the stack of papers that made up his script, nearly throwing the book onto the ground in frustration.

"L, this is stupid."

"Right…" L mumbled as he typed ferociously, his hands flying over the typewriter's keys in a flurry of motion. "Whatever you say, Raito."

"Are you even listening to me?!"

The silence held between them was all the answer Raito needed.

Groaning loudly in response Raito picked himself off the bed and wrapped the rumpled bed sheet around his naked midsection, gathering a change of fresher clothes to change into. "You're impossible. I hope you've realized that by now L."

"Of course Raito dear." L once again muttered under his breath, a pencil now stuck in his mouth as he took a series of notes off to the side only to resume typing a moment later.

Huffing out in annoyance, Raito didn't even bother to bathe as he tugged on the clothes and grabbed his shoes by the door, slamming it behind him in a show of agitation.

L didn't even flinch as he continued his typing-frenzy, mind focused solely on the task at hand.

"Love you too, Raito…" L breathed out as he kept on with what he was doing and smiled.

* * *

_Even those moments that would not have seemed as important to other people held a heavy significance over me and what it was that I cherished between us; the acceptance of who I was with no apologies required for being as flawed as any human can be. _

_We didn't need to over-dramatize whatever it was that we felt for each other. _

_When you're in love and that feeling is returned, even the smallest of things matter. _

* * *

"Stupid L, stupid play, stupid rehearsal, stupid me…" Raito grumbled as he entered Whammy's House, the girls giggling as they heard him complain rampantly and scrunch up his face into an adorable pout. (Raito would call it brooding but whoever knew the boy could say that pouting matched his expression to a tee)

"Raito!" A masculine whine hit the boy's ears causing him to spin around and grin, the first real smile perched on his face all day. A flurry of red and green was all Raito saw before a pale hand caught his bicep in his grasp and pulled him forward and away from the auditorium and towards the grand stairway that led to the glamorous rooms of the courtesans that he had been introduced to just a little over a month ago.

"Mail, where are you taking me?!" Raito laughed as he was led towards the room that he had inhabited the first time he had met the young boy, noticing the larger-than-usual smile gracing his friend's face.

"Ya have to, ya have to meet somebody real special to me lovely! I didn't think he would make it, but he did and, and, and, I told 'im that I would introduce the both of ya once he got settled in and, shit Raito I know he'll like ya lots and lots and I know ya'll like 'im just as much too!"

At first Raito was lost by the flurry of stumbles in speech and excited ramble Mail concocted as he spoke but once he re-familiarized himself with the rapid slang that Mail loved to use, he began to nod enthusiastically, knowing that only one person (from the discussions both men had when they were able to get together and talk _calmly_ and _rationally_) could get Mail this animated and cheerful.

Grinning wildly at the giddy brunet, Mail halted in front of a familiar door and knocked loudly, as if his regular knock would not be enough to signify his coming.

"Shit!" Raito heard a loud tenor cry out before the sound of something crashing onto the ground made him wince in sympathy.

He knew firsthand how much Mail's excitement could cost you if you were handling something of importance and he demanded your immediate attention at the same time.

"I swear to God, if that's you, Mail-" Raito almost snickered as the voice became louder and louder, the footsteps heavy and angry as they stomped towards the door barring them from the young man ready to castrate his impulsive redheaded friend, "I am going to rip out your tongue, chop it up into pieces and shove each individual piece straight up your ass!"

"Uh…" The honey-eyed actor gave his friend a strange glance before he was given a small wave-off in return.

This was obviously a regular occurrence then.

"He likes my tongue too much to actually do that." Mail smirked before the door slammed open and a blond-haired young man with extremely tight clothing (and when Raito said tight, he meant _tight_) stood glaring at the green-eyed boy in question, ocean-blue eyes narrowing dangerously as a pale hand shot out and grabbed the redhead, pulling him closer while he raised his other hand-

And proceeded to angrily kiss Raito's companion for all that he was worth.

Raito sweat-dropped, feeling all the more uncomfortable as he stood there and pretended _not _to stare at the two men trying to suck each other's face off in front of him. The floating hand that had been hovering over Mail's shoulder wrapped itself around his tanned neck as the blond moaned quietly, not even noticing Raito as his eyes widened and he spun around, a dark splash of red burning his cheeks.

Loud wet slurps and a vague slapping of flesh meeting flesh nearly made the young actor faint in embarrassment, not having witnessed anyone else do the same things both he and L did in their… 'spare time', especially two men.

Mouth twitching as a rustle of clothing was heard behind him, Raito nearly laughed as the same man that had been yelling his head off just moments before softly sighed before taking a step back from the now-ravished redhead (whom Raito was sure was grinning wildly in return) and turning towards the blushing brunet whom refused to turn around and look at neither of them.

"Who the hell is this?"

"This is the boy I was talkin' 'bout earlier! L's new beau!" Mail spun the teenager around and weaved an arm around the actor's shoulders as the smirking blond stared at him with hungry eyes. "Ah! Raito, this is Mihael! Mihael, this is Raito! He's one of the leads in L's new play!"

"So this is the kid the girls were telling me about…" Mihael grinned as he leaned into Mail's free shoulder, eyes gleaming with decadent humor. "He _is _cute…"

"He's not for you, darlin'." Mail warned, already knowing what thoughts were circumventing in his lover's mind. "Only L's. Remember that before ya start trying to attack the kid."

"Doesn't mean he can't share." Mihael pouted, not noticing as Raito's face turned an interesting shade of purple. "He looks fun too!"

"Ah, I'm sure." Mail laughed as Raito's uncomfortable demeanor became all the more apparent. "Too bad huh?"

"… … Mail, you're horrible." Raito muttered before turning to the blond-haired courtesan. "You, I don't even know you and I think you're horrible too. Feel special."

"Oh, I do dear." Mihael chuckled before pulling away from his lover and pushing them both into his dressing room, blue eyes shining with mischief. "In ways you've never even _felt _before…"

"I can see how L's a pervert," the brunet muttered wearily, "if he has people such as yourselves as friends."

Mail and Mihael laughed loudly as the door was shut behind them, a large smile decorating Raito's own face as he sat down and stared at the two men settled comfortably against the other.

"Get yourself comfy, mister. I wanna have a nice long chat with _you_!"

Raito sweat-dropped as he was then shoved into the couch perched against the left wall, Mihael's thin form following after his so that they were practically glued together by the hips as they sat next to each other. Mail snorted off to the side as he sat down in one of the many garish chairs and stared at the two men out of the corner of his eye.

Ignoring Raito's (and Mihael's) glare of distain, the bordello's unofficial bodyguard popped a cigarette into his mouth and lit it, lips quirked into a languid smile. "So…?"

"And now, as we ignore the general riff-raff," Mihael smirked at the hacked up 'Hey!' he received in response to his own joke, "I want to get to know more about you, dear."

"Me?" Raito laughed in pure discomfort, not enjoying the way Mihael leaned into his face with a leer stretched across his lips. "There isn't much about me to get to know."

Mihael gave the boy a deadpanned stare. "Yes because it's everyday that we get foreigners coming into our wonderful establishment and not only cross-dress for a part in a _play_ but begin a relationship with its writer/director. How could I be so _silly_?"

"You're forgiven." The now-amused brunet chuckled. "It happens often, after all."

"Seriously," the blond suddenly frowned as he leaned forward, both of their faces mere centimeters from each other as Raito quietly gulped at the sudden shift in mood, "who the hell are you and how the hell did you get into L's pants?"

"Uh…"

Raito sweat-dropped as Mail laughed his behind off where he sat, the intensity of his companion's stare nearly killing the actor on the spot. "Well, uh, it all began with an insult, a song and extremely persistent writer, you see…"

* * *

_I didn't know what to make of him at first. _

_Was this really the boy that had captured my friend's heart? A whore (and as degrading as that word was, Mihael seemed to wear it like a badge of morbid honor) who was blunt, forceful and carried himself with no shame whatsoever even though he sold his body to the highest bidder. _

_How did they make their relationship work, I wondered. How did Mail not tear himself apart knowing that his lover shared himself with different men perhaps every night? _

_As these questions filtered through my head, my mouth gave the answers the verbose blond wished to hear. If either man noticed how uncomfortable I seemed to be, they did not make note of it out loud. I had no problem with the both of them being men (obviously) but the former question of how their love seemed to survive screamed louder and louder into my ears. _

_How? How? How? _

_Why? Why? Why? _

_Did it mean nothing to them? _

_Was it viewed as just another job? _

_What was his motive? _

_What was Mail's thoughts on this? _

_It was funny that I had known what it was that Mihael had done for a living for a good month and half now, and it was only now that I was meeting him that these questions seemed to appear, and in turn make me question my own relationship with the man who helped run the bordello Mihael was employed with. _

_What kind of person did that make L? _

_I found myself caught in a dilemma I had forced myself to block out until now. _

_I loved him, I loved all of him…_

_But could I live with him knowing what it was he did for a living? Yes he was a writer, but above all else, he was an entrepreneur and the things he sold weren't even _things_._

_They were people. _

_Women, men, age didn't matter, size was unaccounted for…_

_Did he sample his own merchandise? _

_Did he hold any… relationships with any of his workers? _

_I dreaded the question, forcing it back even as Mihael and I continued to speak, Mail giving me a strange look out of the corner of his eye…_

* * *

Raito laughed at one of Mihael's many jokes, grasping his sides in an attempt to keep from bursting at the seams. Though he was still uncomfortable around the younger man, he held his composure as best as he could and let himself relax, even if a little.

The blond courtesan was very smart and especially witty for someone who had as much education as Raito and Mail, which wasn't a whole lot; half the things he said had to be taken with a grain of salt, and if you were sensitive, Mihael certainly made sure that you toughened your skin around him.

All in all, Raito liked him and could definitely see his friend falling for the loud creature beside him; a creature made especially for the night.

'I can see why they make sure a great pair.' The grinning brunet thought to himself. 'They certainly complement each other very well.'

"But that's enough about me," Raito sighed as he watched Mail get up from his chair and plop down on Mihael's lap, chuckling at the grunt this caused on his lover's part. "Why don't you tell me more about yourself, Mihael? Mail's barely told me anything about you…"

"Yeah, because the asshole knows better, that's why." Mihael snarled, practically growling as Mail smirked in response.

"Mihael's just embarrassed." Mail slurred as his lover threw a random book in his direction, which he calmly ducked. "He doesn't get that many people askin' 'bout his personal life and all… usually their just trying to shove their dick down his-"

"Shut up you asshole! Not all the men in this place are looking to get off!" Mihael scowled, a light flush illuminating his pale complexion. "And we're not here to talk about my work experience. He's obviously not as perverted as either you or L, you bastard!"

"L asks you about your clients?" Raito echoed, a strange grimace entering his face as the thought made him squirm in distaste.

"Not like that." The blond pulled on chocolate bang so that Raito's eyes once again focused on his own cerulean blue orbs. "He keeps tabs on all the guys that come in here and makes sure that none of us are… err… _damaged_ at the end of the session, so to speak. He's _way _different than Whammy, that's for sure."

"Err…"

"Don't worry, you're lover-boy isn't that much of a pervert. He's only asked about any _actual_ 'penetration' onc-"

"NEXT TOPIC." Raito flushed as Mihael guffawed outrageously, Mail shifting himself on his lover's lap as the smirk that had been hanging off of his lips slowly transformed into a full-fledged smile. Bright green eyes left Raito's panicked expression and landed on the gleeful expression of his partner's face. "Don't do that. He and L have enough problems as it is."

"Ha, I'm not surprised. L's got a stick up his ass a mile long, it's just so thin you can barely see it with the naked eye." Raito nearly choked on his own bubbling amusement as Mihael once again laughed out loud, the gleam set in Mail's eyes now burning with an intensity that was never before seen until this moment. As the prostitute's deafening chuckles smoothly slid back into a tranquil silence, the same light that infected the redhead's gaze protruded from his own. Deep breaths echoed within the small room as Raito carefully slid his legs from the criss-crossed position they had attained and glanced towards the door.

"Speaking about sticks up the ass…" Mail murmured, the easy-going atmosphere transforming into something tense and heady. Without another word Mail pushed himself forward and smashed his lips against Mihael's, pale white hands curling against the smooth golden-yellow strands of his lover's hair.

Slowly standing up and sliding past the two men going at it on top of the cramped little couch the pair of men had then coveted, Raito quietly opened the door leading out into the hallway and waltzed away from the couple trapped within their own world.

The dark hallway seemed longer than it actually was, the only sign of light coming from the tiny decorative lamps strung against the walls. It was meant to give the place a romantic glow, but all it did was give off a rather ominous smog to an otherwise empty length of space. A multitude of doors leading to enchanting rooms meant to bewitch customers of all kinds piqued at Raito's curiosity making him wish he and L had the time to explore the bordello with it all of its quirky wonders.

"_You're not being reasonable, sir…_"

Raito jumped as the familiar deep voice reverberated off the hallways' walls, his mouth dropping slightly at the conflicting tone of his employer's baritone causing him to shiver unconsciously.

"_Construction is already well under way and we've both have spent a sufficient amount on this project as it is; why would you wish to pull out of our contract now?!_"

Tiny steps propelled Raito forward as the voice grew louder and louder, hazel brown eyes widening with every word spoken.

Another voice, both sinister and strung with electric excitement curled within the brunet's ears as he halted his steps and stared at the partially open door in front of him, the dim light of the room creeping out from the sliver of space Raito could see.

"_That may be true, but the contract we made declared that at any time I was unsatisfied with the progress of our exhibition together, I would be able to leave, along with the ability of withdrawing all of my connections and being fully re-compensated for the money spent on your production._"

Stumbling off to the side, Raito held a hand to his mouth as his eyes nearly rolled out of their sockets.

"_You know as well as I do that we do not have the money to give back at this present time._"

The beginnings of tears pricked at the edges of Raito's vision as Quillsh's tense tone reminded the actor just how much the whole bordello was relying on Mikami's partnership.

"_Well… there is a way to keep our boat steady, so to speak._"

Letting his body slide down the wall, the usually composed brunet began to shake under an invisible strain.

'No…'

"_You have something I want, Whammy. And I have something you need. Why don't we compromise?_"

'No, no, no, no…'

"_I'm afraid what I believe you may be asking for is impossible to give. The boy you wish to have is under my employment as an actor and nothing more._"

The tightening of Quillsh's voice nearly undid him.

"_I'm sure he could be persuaded once you explain to him the extent of L's hard work. This is L's own brainchild after all, and so many years spent peddling for the money to be able to make something out of this place only to lose it not even a month before its unveiling would put anyone out of sorts, don't you think?_"

Mikami's own slithering tone actually did.

"_You ask for too much Mr. Mikami._"

Curling up within the shadows of the darkly lit hallway, Raito nodded his head absently in agreement.

"_That, my friend, is a matter of opinion. Simply ask the young monsieur and we'll see whether or not he will likely see things my way._"

* * *

_What would you give up for the one person you loved most? _

_That was the question I was faced with at that moment. _

_I had to make a choice that I knew I was avoiding until that moment. _

_I had to…_

* * *

"_Even if he were to say yes, there is no doubt in my mind that he would leave before he ever became your toy, _monsieur_._"

Raito's eyes narrowed as he heard the voice becoming louder and louder, Quillsh's familiar baritone actually lashing out against the other man within the room he was residing in.

"_Oh, we'll see about that. After all, it isn't just L's play I hold in the palm of my hand, now is it?_"

At that sudden ominous declaration, Raito felt his heart catch in his throat.

The room, then, grew incredibly quiet, even the sounds of breathing non-existent.

It felt…

_Dead_.

"_I will see to it that Mr. Yagami receives your message then._"

To hear his employer sound so resigned made Raito's heart snap in two, somehow knowing his decision had already been made for him.

"_Good job then. I'll be stopping by tomorrow to be learning more about our… progress. Goodnight, Mr. Whammy._"

Quickly stumbling to his feet, Raito opened the door next to him and dove inside, grateful for the emptiness it afforded him with. Keeping the pathway open just a bit, Raito stared at the large shadow stalking past his door and stomping down the long hallway he had just been exploring. Sighing as the last footsteps echoed into nothingness, Raito finally exited the room.

"So you heard that, did you?"

Raito nearly tripped over his own feet as Quillsh's shadowed figure flowed out from the darkness behind him, his increasingly hunched over back alluding to the stress accumulated over it as his dark blue eyes held a teary sheen to them. "I don't need to explain anything, do I?"

"No." Raito immediately answered, his long hair falling forward as his head tilted to the side. "There's no way out of this is there?"

"I'm afraid not doll."

Raito felt his heart stop within his chest as the words reverberated in his head, eyes glistening with tears.

After all the work they had put into the production…

Would the lawyer really break all of their hearts just for a nobody like him?

Thinking back on the conviction set within the tone of the dark-haired attorney's voice, Raito had no doubt that Mikami _would_.

"If I say no, will he really…" Raito drifted off, his heart hanging onto a solitary hope that didn't seem all that reliable.

"He'll do worse than just halt the production, Raito. You heard him for yourself."

"He'll die… You mean he'll really…? He'll…" Raito whispered before turning away from the older man staring at him. "I was a fool to believe…"

"Raito…" Quillsh muttered quietly before shushing himself. It wasn't as if he could tell the young boy otherwise…

"A fool to believe…" Throat closing from the onslaught of emotion, Raito nearly dropped down into the ground as Quillsh stared at him with sad eyes. "It all ends today. Yes, it all ends... today."

"There is a way to prevent a lot of the damage the both of you will be dealt with, however, in order to do so…" Quillsh remarked, his eyes speculative. "You'll have to leave."

Raito laughed sharply at the thought. "You're kidding? We both know that leaving in secret is near impossible in this town. And besides, he will fight for me to stay."

"Yes… unless he believes you do not love him."

"What?!" The word slipped out of Raito's mouth before he could halt it's coming, the shock pulsating heavily along with the heart-break.

"You're a great actor, Raito. Make him believe you don't love him and then, whilst he's wallowing in his own hurt, leave this place so that neither of you are caught in the crossfire." Watching the wavering actor stare at him with such sad eyes made what little was left of Whammy's heart break, but still he persevered on. This was his _apprentice _he was defending. He couldn't stop now. "His whole reputation is riding on this play. To crush this dream of his would be to crush him entirely."

"Please don't ask me to do something like that…" Raito whispered. "We don't even know if it would _work_-"

"It's the only way and you know it. With you out of the picture Mikami will have no reason to set his sights on L. I'm sorry to say this but you must use your talent to _save _him Raito." Holding the boy's hand within his own coarse cold one, the brothel owner narrowed his eyes at the disbelief carved into his actor's face. "Hurt him to save him. We are creatures of the underworld here Raito. No pain is too great to endure that the night won't obscure it, even those aches caused by love."

Gripping onto Quillsh's hand with a quivering intensity that reverberated throughout his body, tawny brown eyes became shiftless as Raito nodded. "Today's the day then…"

Letting his head fall forward, the next words were only a bare whisper, fleeting and wistful.

"_When dreaming ends_…"

* * *

_What I wanted more than anything was nothing but a fantasy. _

_I had known it from the first moment I had realized my feelings and yet I had acted on them anyway. _

_The blame only laid on me. _

_So I knew that in order to fix things I would have to take on the burden myself. _

_The next day came and I knew what I had to do. _

* * *

Raito blinked as his sleep-ridden eyes strained at the sudden awakening, loud pounding against his dressing room door nearly giving him a heart-attack.

"Raito…?" L's voice crawled out from the other side of the door, anxiously awaiting his lover's reply. "Are you in there? You… you didn't come back to your room last night."

'_I was worried and barely got any sleep last night._' Raito decoded his lover's sentence without even trying, a sad smile lingering over his lips. "I'll be out in a moment, L."

"… … Alright."

'So it begins…'

"Great." Raito sighed out loud, face splotched red. "Wonderful…"

* * *

_My staying in my dressing room soon became a habit. I couldn't bear going back to my hotel room at night, a place where I knew he would be, but I couldn't find any solace in the place where I transformed into something I was not. During the day I couldn't stand to be in his presence and disappeared as often as I could with viable excuses that sounded acceptable to the well trained ear. We didn't have much time left for me to distance myself but I did the best I could with what resources I had. _

_For the next week, I wallowed in my own misery without hinting to him why I was doing so. _

_To my surprise, however, he said nothing about it. _

_He didn't come to dressing room and demand an explanation or try to corner me whilst I wasn't looking. _

_In fact, it seemed as if his whole focus was solely on the play whilst Mikami's was on me. _

_I didn't know whether that was a God send or not._

* * *

Raito sighed as he shimmied his way past the lawyer, who had now taken to staying behind after rehearsal and attempting to coax Raito into a night on the town-

And Raito knew, eventually, he would have to concede.

Ignoring the sad look Quillsh sent to him out of the corner of his eye, Raito rushed towards the staircase just outside the auditorium and mentally prepared himself for the storm he was about to throw himself into. Something seemed off about today and the lack of confrontation only emphasized the feeling tenfold.

L, who seemed ignorant to the torrent of emotion swirling around in his lover's head, smiled as he watched his Satine shakily smile back at him and jump into his dressing room while Mikami's back was turned, knowing better than anyone else just how persistent the lawyer could get when he didn't get his way.

'Doesn't matter though…' L hummed faithfully as he flipped through the script and nodded over at Quillsh who was warming up for the next song. 'His heart belongs only to me.'

"Quillsh, since Raito isn't ready yet, why don't you go ahead and start without him."

The pimp blinked as he gave L a look of incredulity. "Are you certain?"

"Raito already knows his part," L smirked "why don't you show me how well you know yours?"

Laughing heartily to cover up any discomfort the statement unknowingly caused, Whammy shrugged before trotting on stage and giving his director a penetrating stare. "Just sing?"

L shrugged carelessly. "Go for it."

Quillsh puffed up his chest, mustache twitching over his lips as his hand settled over his diaphragm. The sound of a lone violin accompanied his breathing as the noise pulling over the air within the auditorium drummed into a still quiet and all you could hear was the music.

Slowly, the sound of a voice accompanied it. "_Another hero, another mindless crime behind the curtain in the pantomime-_"

Blue eyes opened as they scanned the audience, taking one slow step forward so as to give the vision of an imaginary march. "_On and on, does anybody know what we are living for…?_"

"_Whatever happens, we leave it all to chance!_" A myriad of female voices joined along with Quillsh's voice, echoing off the auditorium's walls until all you could hear was the straining vocals of soprano lilts infiltrating your brain."_Another heartache, another failed romance. On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?_"

The stage light directly above the plateau of wood immediately blinded the people up front as it swiveled onto the old man's form, the circle of light caressing his body like a large halo. "_The show must go on! The show must go on!_"

"_Outside the dawn is breaking on the stage that holds our final destiny!_" Sweeping his arm over said stage, Quillsh bowed his head so as to avoid his fellow worker/director's gaze, which was taking in his performance with an intensity that bordered on scary. "_The_ _show must go on! The show must go on!_"

Raito, who was in his final stages of costume, smiled as the song reached his ears, his part lightly ringing within his head as he lifted up the tube of lipstick and caressed his lips with the rouge coloring.

The words rang true as they fled from his lips, painted eyes tearing up with frustration whilst he exited the room and stomped down the stairs once more. "_Inside my heart is breaking, my make-up may be flaking… but my smile still stays on_."

"_The show must go on-_" Quillsh rumbled as the entourage of voices followed after him. "_The show must go on-_"

The doors of the auditorium slammed open as Raito stared at the numerous people falling over their feet at the sudden sound crying with outrage. "_I'll top the bill, I'll earn the kill; I have to find the will to carry on with the-_"

"_On with the-_" Quillsh echoed.

"_On with the show-_" A barrage of voices clashed within the auditorium as L twisted around and stared at the young man gazing at him with the same ferocious passion that he had originally fallen in love with.

There was…

Something different about it, though.

"_On with the show!_"

L didn't even hear the ending lines as Raito glided down the long ramp way heading towards the stage and passed him without even a backwards glance.

"_On with the show!_"

Something wasn't right.

Something _hadn't _been right for the last week and though he was sure Raito thought he had probably lucked out and L hadn't noticed…

"_The show must go on…_"

That was a mistake that L would soon capitalize upon.

* * *

_That night, I found sleep harder to attain than I normally did. _

_Clutching onto that familiar piece of blue fabric, I wished back upon simpler times when acting wasn't my main focus and all I had to run by were half-hearted dreams and a young girl who needed me to survive. _

_That girl was long gone and the only thing I had left of her was a tarnished blue ribbon reminding me why love was nothing but a false charade. _

_I wished for passion, yes, but love? _

_All it had ever caused me was pain. _

* * *

Raito held back his tears as he stood in front of the mirror of his dressing room, a lone strip of blue hanging off the palm of his hand. Tiny droplets of water stained the outside of the torn fabric, its old age apparent in its depilated dullness.

"You did wonderfully today." Raito nearly fell over as he spun around, the disembodied voice within his dressing room soon holding a face as the light was turned on and dark eyes narrowed in warning. "Though I suppose you have had a lot of time to practice lately what with avoiding me and all."

"L, I-"

"I don't want to hear it." L snarled. "Excuses aren't what I came in here to hear. And by the way you're gripping onto that idiotic ribbon I can already tell that's what you are going to give me."

"It's _not _idiotic." Raito growled, his eyes reflecting with a past pain brought closer to the surface by L's insensitive speech.

"Hmph. And you said I was your first lover?" The raven-haired writer spit out as he stalked his prey, eyes slanting until they were mere black slits. "I've always wondered, just who _did _give you that pretty little piece of cloth, Rai-to?"

"Don't you _dare_-"

"Were you lying, Raito? You're so good at it, at times even I am unable to tell otherwise-"

"L, stop it, you don't know _anything_-"

"I suppose when lying is all you do it stands to say that trying to break such a habit would be near _impossible_-"

"IT WAS GIVEN TO ME BY MY SISTER ALRIGHT!" Raito suddenly bellowed as his eyes stung with unshed tears. "So shut your mouth! You understand _nothing_! That's why…"

'Do it…'

"That's why…"

'You have to do it…'

"That's why it's best to do what's right for me and end this masquerade. Because you will _never _understand me and I am sick of trying to understand you." The honey-eyed 19-year-old forced the words out of his mouth even as his mind was rebelling against the idea; take it back, he pleaded with himself, take it back and save what you can…

But he couldn't.

This was the right thing to do…

Wasn't it?

L, on the other hand, immediately dropped his angry façade and let his mouth fall open.

It was clear to see what he was thinking and Raito hated himself for feeling even the slightest bit satisfied at knowing that he had such an effect on such a normally disillusioned young man. "What are you saying, Raito?!"

"I'm saying…" Raito breathed his strength in, eyes glistening with muted sadness. "That it's best to end this now before either of us is hurt anymore than necessary. What else do you need me to say before you get it through your thick head?!"

"Wha-what-"

"After the play is finished, I'm leaving. I can't be here with you anymore. I can't live here, in France. I just, I just want to go home and live the life I should be living." Soon, he had to get out of the room soon or else L would be privy to the morose waterfall about to erupt from Raito's chest as his heart finally poured out from his chest and splattered heavily onto the floor. "What's roaming around the world going to do for me anymore? It won't help me forget all the pain… what I need is stability and comfort… something I know can achieve in Japan."

"No. No. No. NO. This _is _your home!" You're right, Raito thought amidst L's panicked flurry of words, his internal expression mirroring L's in near perfection. Feeling disconnected from his own body, Raito numbly watched as L grabbed his arms and pulled him forward, letting the younger boy lay against his embrace. "You told me so! You told me that your home was wherever I was; you _said _that Raito! Why are you doing this now?! What has happened to you that you now feel this way?! Please, just _talk _to me-"

"There's nothing else to say." Blatant lies. All he was speaking were blatant lies. "I opened my eyes, L. I don't love you and I never did; it was all just a child's fantasy that I've grown out of. No matter what you say, it won't change how I feel."

L nearly dropped onto his knees as Raito ripped himself out of his embrace and stumbled out of the dressing room, the tears running down his former lover's cheeks ripping his heart in two.

'_You're saving him…_' A voice implored to him. '_You're doing this so that he will live and be happy, even if it is not with you…_'

"I know." Raito whispered, his own cheeks streaked with darkened tears. "I just wish I could have saved me too."

* * *

_I didn't know if I could stay until opening night. It hurt so _badly_ the thought of having to tear myself away from what I knew was the closest to heaven I could ever be. _

_I thought it was unbearable before when I didn't know what I was missing._

_That was _nothing _compared to misery brewing in my chest, the resounding picture of L's heartbroken face repeatedly flashing in my mind's eye until all I could see was dark eyes appearing ready to cry._

_But I knew it was for the best. Maybe not for me, but for him it certainly was. He would have the world in his hands; that was how great his play was. It was a masterpiece. And without me there to hinder his progress I knew he would fly so high. I was giving him his success even if he didn't know it. _

_But L knew he would never get there. _

_I thought I was the only one hiding something from the other. _

_I was horribly, horribly wrong._


	10. Until My Dying Day

A/N: I _effing _*finished*.

OH MY GOD, I FUCKING FINISHED! YYYYAAAAAYYYYY!

I don't know _how _I did it, but I did. Yes, I forgot what sleep was like because of exams, research papers and this story, but I feel *so* accomplished now. Kind of. You know… a little.

Just take my word for it. ^.^

Am I gonna give warnings? Nope. Why? Because that's not necessary for this story. Is somebody going to complain? Maybe. I don't really care regardless. XD I'm so meannnnn… but we all know this already. Hahaha… self-deprecation. My mortal enemy. O.o

Btw, I hate Hindi Sad Diamonds. No you will not see Hindi Sad Diamonds here. For some reason that song just irks me. Just saying before people start expecting it. BASK IN MY HATRED FOR SAID SONG!

There is an epilogue you guys! When it's gonna be posted up, I don't know. I have to find the time for such frivolity. I've always wanted to use that word. Frivolity. Banging. Lol.

*Side Note: I mentioned this in FoF, might as well do so here. I am looking for another site to post my stuff on you guuuuuys. Any and all suggestions would be nice! So far I've gotten livejournal (which I don't have), adult ffdotnet (which is kind of crappy), mediaminer (which is *super* crappy) and just building my own site from scratch (which is appealing but kind of scary to somebody who is as lazy as I am, meaning *me*). Any more suggestions would be appreciated. :-D

Disclaimer: Don't own MR!, DN or any of the songs used within this fic. I am poo' fo' sho. Lacking the Benjamins. Not rolling in dough. I don't have zee cash. All of this meaning… well, I think the last one is pretty self-explanatory k? -.-; GO READ NOW!

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Chapter Ten: _Until My Dying Day_

* * *

_By the time I reached my room, I was a nervous wreck._

_I felt like I was dying inside my own body, the tears coursing down my cheeks the only semblance of such barren hopelessness apparent on my face._

_I didn't want to face anyone or anything. I didn't want to smile and 'be pretty' for the sake of everyone else hanging on to this play for the sake of success, let alone success of a play created by a man who was constantly suffering with things no one else could understand. _

_I just wanted to be with L and beg for forgiveness. In all of my years traveling and silently praying for something_ more _out of my life, he was the greatest thing to practically land on my lap. And how did I repay him? By spitting back in his face and spending all of my time feeling sorry for myself. _

_I wasn't sure what it was I was supposed do, but I knew it wasn't _this. _I couldn't fight for him, not with the way things were. But I would give my all in his work. I would kill myself creating the perfection he deserved and no matter what anyone else had to say about it, I would make these last couple days with him the very best they could be. _

_I couldn't be his lover but at the very least I would try to be his friend… even if from only afar. _

* * *

Raito felt the once warm atmosphere of the bordello shift tremendously the next day he came in, men and women staring at him out of the corner of their eyes, prying into his business without having to say a thing.

His vest was slopped onto his form in a hurried fashion as his pants seemed to hang off his hips instead of meeting his waist as they usually did. The plain white shirt Raito usually adapted on the days he did not have to force himself into costume was barely buttoned to its normal impeccability, leaving the boy feeling much more vulnerable than he needed to feel, though without the will to actually fix it. Letting his hair fall against his back in cascades of golden brown silk instead of tying it back as he usually did, Raito brushed a stray strand of honey away from his dry red eyes and sighed.

"Don't you look lovely today?" Lettie giggled as she spun around a banister. Ignoring the glare Christie sent her as she sashayed her way down to meet Raito's listless stare, Lettie wrapped her arms around the young actor's neck and smiled. "Well, it looks as if you didn't need to drudge yourself out of bed today. Mr. Lawliet hasn't left his bedroom allll day and has canceled any and all rehearsals until opening night!"

"But, but this is the most crucial of times!" Raito sputtered. "What's the matter with him? Has he gone mad?"

"I don't know, doll." Lettie seductively whispered into Raito's ear. "Why don't you tell us?"

Raito immediately pushed his way out of the older prostitute's arms and held in the urge to smack her. Backing away from the stage the exhausted brunet rushed his way out of the auditorium and fled to the familiar set of stairs that led towards L's room. Ignoring the series of whispers and continual stares freezing him to the bone, the amber-eyed thespian choked back the indignant cry wanting to sprawl out of his throat and burn everyone around him with the indecipherable rage blinding him with its animosity.

Though he was angrier than he had ever felt in his life, Raito managed to make it to L's room with little casualties of the violent kind.

'_What are you going to say?_'

'I don't know…'

'_This is all your fault you know…_'

'Yes. Yes it is. I accept that. But what else could I do? I don't want anything to _happen _to him because of _me_!'

'_Yes, now _you're_ killing him instead. He didn't even come out of his room today. There's no use denying it; you're far better at planning his destruction than Mikami ever was._'

Body shaking in pure revulsion the frail actor let his head fall forward and meet the cold block of unforgiving wood. The tell-tale sting of tears assuaged his gaze once again; never had Raito cried as much as he had in this establishment, for this man whom he was giving his _all _for…

And didn't even _realize it_.

Instead of knocking on the door (_as he should have_) Raito spun around and marched down the hallway, the staircase both his enemy and his friend.

Yet, before he could actually make it halfway towards the grand staircase, a pale white hand grabbed onto the cloth hanging off of his left shoulder and spun him around, eyes a furious mixture of rage, sorrow and betrayal.

Raito could only blink as his mouth dropped open in shock.

"What are you doing here?" L rasped out as Raito felt his arm shake, the look set on the older man's face freezing him to the very core. Visage paler than ever, the oily-skinned writer slowly blinked as he stumbled forward, his breath smelling of regurgitated stomach acid and alcohol. "Wh-what… what are you d-doing here? Tell me!"

"I was just… checking…"

"Ch-checking what?" The writer cried out. "Checking on _what_?"

"On you." Raito replied melancholically. "The girls, they were telling me you hadn't been doing to well in your room and I was checking up on you. Could you please let go of my arm now? It's beginning to ache."

L blinked, pupils dilating further each time the dark-haired playwright closed his eyes. Fidgety fingertips loosen the slack they held over Raito's arm as the actor felt his resolve crumble silently beneath his feet. "Y-you so… _hypocrite_."

"What?" Raito inquired.

"_Hypo-hypocrite!_" L stumbled as he pushed himself closer to the brown-eyed boy. "I _love _you! Tell me the _truth_!"

"L, there's nothing to sa-"

Raito yelped as a fist nearly collided with his face, the slovenly swing missing his nose by mere millimeters.

"_LIAR!_" L shouted out before falling forward, slumping within Raito's arms in a wave of tears and whimpers.

Raito barely flinched as he laid his hand over the older man's waist and pulled him back inside the room. In seconds the quiet groans and timid sobs vanished leaving nothing but echoing traces of the noise once shattering Whammy's House's halls.

Closing the door behind him with the front of his foot, golden hands carefully dropped the emaciating frame down onto the lone bed within the room and held back his own onslaught of tears. L's eyes, which were now closed, had taken the appearance of sunken circles, dark eyelashes appearing invisible against the black smudges painted against his milky white (nearly translucent) skin.

Tracing the dark circles implanted underneath his former lover's eyes with fretful fingers Raito blinked as a tiny drop of water landed on the apple of the unconscious writer's cheek. Bringing the other hand up to his eyes, he was not surprised to feel the residual wetness left in the teardrop's wake.

'_The truth isn't what you want to hear._'

He had done everything in his power to make sure the older man would not hurt more than he had to, but with the play only days away Raito knew it was a lost cause. His own broken heart silently wailed within his chest as he backed away from L; backed away from his last act of failed goodness and wept for what could have been.

* * *

_It took a lot out of me to actually leave that room but eventually, I did. _

_The first time I had left him had been horrible but seeing L in this state of disarray just about killed me. I had wanted to forget everything I knew and take him in my arms and make everything better again. To re-create that first special kiss that had enamored me to him and cry tears of relief instead of tears of frustration and anger. _

_My own inability to do _anything _was what pushed me out of that room but it was my want to _change _that_ _nearly suffocated me as I ran from the other actresses and actors within the auditorium and dashed out of Whammy's House. I waddled into the hotel room and finally cried out my sorrows, taking everything I could get my hands on and smashing it against the walls. I heard banging through the thin walls of the hotel room but I didn't care. _

_A day passed by in a blur and then another. I didn't eat or sleep; I just sat there within the wreckage that used to be my room and stared out the window that held the illustrious whorehouse in plain view. I didn't move until it was the day of the performance, my body ready to give out but hanging on in a feat of strength that belied even my own expectations. _

_Taking that first step out into the hallway, I steeled myself for a tremendous night. _

_The last night I would ever feel alive. _

* * *

Honey-brown eyes shifted from statue to statue as they took in the refurbished grand hall of the former bordello. The large walls seemed to go on forever as Raito slinked between the multiplying crowds of coming common folk perched in between the doors and wrapped his arms around himself.

'_Show must go on…_'

The feel of eyes upon his person was intensified; this time, he _knew _he was being watched.

He just didn't care to find out by whom.

'_Why does my heart cry?_'

Shaking slightly, Raito kept his gait as even as possible whilst the look on his face hardened into stone.

'_When will I begin to live again?_'

"Raito!" The boy heard someone cry out behind him but still he did not yield. Racing up the large staircase he had just earlier that week ran from Raito made his way into his dressing room and locked himself inside.

Mihael cursed as he stood in front of the staircase, hand still raised in pursuit before a resolute gleam brightened his visage.

'_Forget about the worries on your mind…_'

Staring at his 'male' reflection, Raito blinked.

What seemed like moments rushed by in a blur and that same reflection transformed into something Raito was not.

'_How wonderful life is…_'

Letting his long reddish-brown hair fall down the back of his neck in random coils as timid fingers fanned the strands across the sturdy shoulders presented within the mirror Raito began the transition out of one mindset and quietly mourned into another. Without realizing it each piece of clothing had been shed from his body and the needed items used to make him all the more womanly had been applied, put on and shoved into their proper places.

The corset lay unstrung across his waist waiting to be pulled and the shoes were still sitting where they normally did but Raito paid no mind to that. Dark eyelashes and bright lips became all the prominent as different pencils and paints were swiped over his lids, cheeks and mouth.

'_Love is just a game._'

"And I thought you weren't an idiot!"

Raito nearly tripped over his feet as he spun around, the astonishment on his face as clear as day. The blond-haired hurricane that was Mihael stomped into the tiny dressing room and gave the actor the meanest look he could muster, eyebrows furrowed in deep dislike. Frowning at the appearance of the hot-headed courtesan that had been chasing him earlier, the actor dropped the lipstick he had been holding and rolled his eyes.

"Didn't I lock that door?"

Mihael jingled the keys now set in his hands, courtesy of one Quillsh Whammy. "You didn't really think it would be that easy, did you? You're not the only one with connections in this place, Princess."

"Of course. How may I help you, Mihael?"

"_How may I-_you moron! You can help me by getting your skinny ass over to the local bar that L's been _stuck in _for the last couple of days and telling him that you didn't mean _any _of that bullshit you spouted at him and that you pray for his eternal forgiveness!" Grabbing onto the rosary that hung from his neck (_ironically_) whilst giving his friend's former lover a deadly glare Mihael silently hoped that his words were making a dent within the boy's warped psyche.

Anybody with eyes could tell that both Raito and L were miserable without each other.

'_Honestly, why do they have to make everything so _difficult _for each other?_'

"He's not the same without you! You made him better when you were with him but without you… damn it, you've broken him completely! Don't you understand? He had _nothing _to live for before you!" Mihael held in his breath as Raito took a step back and hit the dresser behind him. "You gave him a reason not to give up. Without you, the stress will kill him long before anyone else does."

"That's not true." Raito murmured. "No matter what you say, none of that is true. Please, let me have these few moments alone. L's not the only one hurting right now, whether you believe that or not."

"You don't know…" Mihael whispered. "You really… he didn't tell you."

"And what pray tell did he not tell me?" Was the exasperated reply the blond received in return.

Instead of answering the older actor's question Mihael fumbled out of the dressing room and nearly tripped down the hallway in his haste to leave. Confused (_and just a bit scared_), Raito turned back around and stared at his disenfranchised reflection.

'_It all ends today._'

Moving his gaze over to the slim blue ribbon sitting upon the dresser, Raito let one last tear escape his guarded façade before he sat down on the tiny chair next to him and thought back on before…

Before, when everything still made a little bit of sense and he wasn't as terribly alone as he was at that very moment.

"Sayu…" He whispered forlornly. The last memory he could dredge up of his sister, however, was not a happy one. Still he regretted his decision to leave her within what he had thought had been much more capable hands; to have someone so close to you become so ill was awful, but to have to watch them die without being able to do a thing was worse.

But still…

Raito never even got the chance to say goodbye. And secretly, he would always hate himself for it.

* * *

"_Big Brother! I saw my Big Brother! Please-!" A young girl rasped out between coughs as she tripped over the frayed edges of her kimono, dark brown eyes rimmed red with tears. "I know I saw him! He was here! I need my-"_

_Raito watched the doctor that had been chasing after the young girl pulled her back into the tiny house as she coughed into her hands, the long blue ribbon that had been keeping her hair back falling over her shoulders from the force of the pull and landing neatly over the door step. Instead of walking away as he should have, Raito quietly climbed up the stairs and grabbed the strip of cloth on the ground. _

'_You'll be safe here, little sister.' _

_Raito cringed as he heard another onslaught of coughs reverberating through the door, the ache within his chest turning into an overwhelming tsunami of rage. _

'_If I had been able to care for you better, it wouldn't have to be this way!' _

"_How could you still want me? A failure for a brother and more importantly, a disgrace for a son." Raito gripped the ribbon to his chest and backed away from the door. "The best thing I could do for you is to simply disappear." _

_And with those final words, Raito took off running, never once turning back._

* * *

Painted brown eyes flinched as they flashed forward back into that moment.

Hands brought the tattered piece of cloth upon the actor's chest, shaking with emotion.

'_Yes, it all ends… today…_'

* * *

_Yet if I thought that my own declaration would hinder L's attempts to reclaim me, I was sorely mistaken. _

_You see, L had spared no expense in doing what he had to in order to gather me in his arms the first time, before he too knew what it felt like to feel love's sweet embrace. _

_It only got worse once he had taken its first taste only to have it ripped away from him. _

* * *

Mihael huffed as he stared at his lover, who was now loudly imploring the drunkard sitting by himself in the most secluded part of the bar to get up and try to get himself together.

'And I thought I had the tough one…'

"L…?" Mail sighed as he stared at the writer whose drink was clasped tightly in one hand and head held reverently within the other. "L, this isn't the way to go."

"Don't care." The writer mumbled, his head ringing with bells no one else could hear. "Go 'way…"

"Can't do that, buddy. We need you to sober up before the show! It's your openin' tonight!" The redhead nearly bashed his head into the bar as L sloppily sloshed his drink in his friend's direction and grunted his dismissal. "You've worked hard for this, L! You deserve ta' see the… what's it called… fruits of your labor!"

"Don't. _Care_."

"L!"

"I know I can't have him forever…" L panted before coughing, tiny speckles of reddened saliva clinging to his hand as he brought it up and covered his mouth. "But if only for right now… I just want him for right _now_… is that really so _selfish_?"

"Then get him!" Mihael prodded. "There must be something there! You can do it, L!"

"Yeah!" Mihael finally spoke up, partially hidden behind Mail's enthusiastic frame. "Mail's right, L. If you really want him, _fight for him_. Isn't that what you always used to tell me whenever I would whine about Mail's stupid ass?"

"Hey!"

"But… he _doesn't want me_. He doesn't… he…" L shocked both men as he grabbed his drink and threw it on the ground, eyes watering up without his realizing it. "Why? What did I do? All I've ever done is _love him _and this… this is the way he treats me?"

"Step aside!" Mihael breathed as he pushed Mail out of the way and grabbed L by the lapels of his wrinkled jacket, frustrated light blue eyes meeting drunken dark blue. "L, the love of your life is about to walk out on stage for his first and last show in Paris and leave your ass high and dry. Are you going to sit here and ponder 'what the fuck could have been' and keep feeling sorry for you dumb self or are you going to sober the fuck up get your ass in gear and trap you a tasty Japanese man and sex him up so hard for trying to leave you that he won't be able to walk for _weeks_?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I kind of like that last option." L admitted, eyes a bit clearer after a good shaking.

"Then what the _hell _are ya still _doin'_ here?" Mail squeaked beside Mihael. "GET GOIN' KIDDO!"

L's lips twitched as he fumbled out of the blond's hold and marched out of the bar, the last question left intentionally unanswered.

* * *

_Between his stubbornness and my ignorance we made quite the pair. _

_At least, that's what Mihael and Mail told me after the fact. _

'_I don't think you'll ever meet another guy like him.' Mail had told me later on. _

_And I thought, 'I don't think I would ever want to.'_

* * *

The sounds of the lilting notes vibrating off of the stage and making their way down towards his dressing room nearly made him vomit; the nervous butterflies within his gut transforming into vicious bees.

"I don't know if I can do this." Raito murmured as Lettie laced up the rest of his corset. "I don't think I-"

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" Christie shouted. "You're gonna go out on that stage and take over the show, Raito! Just like L would have wanted you to!"

"But…"

"Look, I believe in you as do the rest of the girls. If we didn't think you could do this, don't you think we would have kicked up a big fuss once L gave you the part? Hell, even Lettie hasn't said anything against you here, at least in terms of playing who you're playing." Pushing a stray lock of hair away from his face, Christie gave him a blinding smile. "You're Satine, Raito. Better yet, you're our own very Christian wrapped up as Satine, ready to face the world in all of his/her triumph. Now get out there and show them what you can do."

"_CAUSE WE CAN, CAN, CAN!_"

"Listen! You're almost up!" Plopping a large top hat over Raito's head, Christie grinned. "No stage fright! No fears! No worries!"

"I don't think…" Raito felt his breath leave him in a moment, rasping uncontrollably as he stared into the mirror in front of him. "I don't…"

"You can do it, Raito…"

'_The truth… isn't…_'

Coughing into his hand, Raito flinched as he stared down at the blood coating his fingers.

'_Reckless. It must be because I'm so nervous._'

"Ok. I can do this!" Raito bolstered as he grabbed Lettie's hand, letting her lead him out of the room and get ready for his grand entrance.

'_It's just nerves…_'

* * *

_Just nerves. _

_I wish it was just nerves. _

_I wonder… _

_Is this what L felt like whenever he actually had time to _think _about it?_

* * *

"Stubborn jackasses…" Mihael grumbled as he fixed the skirt hanging off of his waist, covering his face as both he and Mail snuck around the back steps and headed towards the stage. "Don't know why I'm doing this anyway…"

Mail gave his lover a strained look.

"Ok, so I know why I'm doing this. Doesn't mean I like it, though!" The blond prostitute whined. "For all we know this kid might not feel the same way for our poor little L! Maybe… maybe he was _telling the truth_, Mail."

"He has ta' still love 'im! I got ta' know Raito while you were gone and he's as straight forward as they come. He's no trickster." Mail pushed his dress-clad lover to the side as they climbed up the stairs, eyes still scanning the backstage for the mysterious heart-broken writer. "A reason… there's gotta be a reason Raito would do what he did. He's not some backwoods kinda kid, he's smarter than that, I swear! Shit… what the Hell are we gonna do when we find him is what's got me up a fuckin' tree!"

"Alright, alright, calm _down_!" Staring at the play that was now more than halfway done, Mihael bit his lip. "Where's L, again?"

Mail smirked as he pushed Mihael one way and he turned around and went another. "Tryin' to get his Prince Charmin', where else? But until we get to that point, you know what to do right! Right!"

Mihael gave the younger boy an obscene gesture with his hands, missing the pair of familiar blue fondly watching them fumble away from each other.

'_Prince Charming indeed._'

Rolling his eyes at the comical scene that had just commenced out of the corner of his eye, L snuck past some of the newer dancers and stage hands and stared at the young dark haired actor slumped on the floor.

'_Good old Matsuda…_'

Lifting the younger man up by his arm pits, L lurched the large white jacket off of the actor and pulled it over his own set of rumpled clothes.

L sighed as he pushed past all of the dancers and blinked as Raito came into view, staring at himself through the conveniently-placed mirror. There was a tired apprehension radiating through his usually smiling visage, the abnormality of his slump along with the sweat dripping off of his forehead causing the writer to hide himself behind a large portable pillar meant for one of the later scenes coming up.

"We're almost there, Raito!" Misa yelled out beside exhausted brunet, dressed entirely in glittering Arabian clothes bathed in white. "You do this and then it'll be smooth sailing from here on it."

Raito nodded as he turned back towards the stage and shivered, the feeling of being watched bubbling up through his body and increasing his already rising nervousness to new and amazing heights.

As L continued to watch the young man's decreasing composure literally evaporate before his very eyes, Mihael stood next to Lettie and smiled, already in position and more than ready to ambush the star of the show once he got his cue in the form of a cute redhead with an exotic lisp.

"Time to go on!" A large man with a rather odd bowl cut pushed the girls (and boy) onto the stage with a growl. Mihael yelped as his eyes widened comically; L staking up behind the actor with a desperate look on his face.

'_Oh. Shit._'

Raito barely had time to put himself back together for the nearing finale before a pale hand grabbed onto his bicep and spun him around. Raging cerulean blue eyes narrowed just as Raito's jaw snapped shut in shock.

"_What _in the Hell do you think you're _doing_?" L snapped out, mind a million miles away.

"… … You shouldn't be here, L." Raito stuttered out of his stupor.

"Don't you know? I came to pay my bill." Ignoring the pale white complexion and rounded honey brown eyes, L took a careful step forward and hoped he wouldn't stumble drunkenly. "You played a prostitute so well, my lover even better. So now I wish to pay you back for your time."

"Get out of here, L." Pushing past the slovenly-dressed writer, Raito made his way towards the stage. "Get out and stay out of my life!"

"Not until you allow me to pay off my bill!"

Mail watched as L chased after the near-hysterical actor, hand stretched forward-

"_The writer is here!_"

Before twisting around and rushing towards the sudden yell. Glancing around a large crane-like machine, the redhead blinked as his boss stood clamly in front of a body guard that he knew to be Mikami's, grabbing Quillsh by the lapels of his jacket and violently shaking him. "You said the writer was gone! Not only is he chasing after your _girl_, but he's not even being discrete about it! He's going to be _killed_ now!"

'_Killed…_?'

"I knew it." Mail whispered. "I _knew it_. That's why Raito was pushing L a-GAH!"

Staring at the gun-toting body guard, the redhead didn't notice as the panel of wood he had been stepping upon began to shake until the rope surrounding it grew taught, pulling the wood up along with the green-eyed part-time guard.

"Shit!"

Mihael shook his head as he mimicked the steps along with the other girl's on stage.

'Was that just…?'

"You made me believe you loved me! Why shouldn't I pay you?" L shouted as he continued on with his chase. "You're being paid for this performance aren't you? Let me pay you for the one you've truly excelled at as well! It must have been fun making a fool out of me!"

"L, there's no point to this!" Raito cried out as he turned back around and pushed the man away from him. "Just _go_!"

"Every moment we were together I thought what we shared was something special. Every moment was something I treasured; I have so little to be thankful for, and here you came and offered me love on a silver platter only to snatch it away without so much as a reason _why_!" L grabbed the tanned actor's arm and twisted it, causing the boy to fall forward onto his knees as they finally settled behind the large curtain blinding them from the audience. "If nothing else, let me pay my bill and rest in peace!"

Before Raito could respond to the comment, it was at that moment that the curtain flew to the sides and blinded them both with the stage lights basking the main stage. The audience stared at both Raito, who was on the ground gaping at the people in shock and L, who was donning Matsuda's white jacket and appearing sickly under array of bright lights.

Whammy, who had been reciting a monologue at the time the curtains had opened, immediately pointed his fake sword towards the couple. "Uh… It is he! The one we have been searching for! Do not pay heed to his different appearance; it is the penniless sitar player we have been hunting, driven mad by jealousy!"

L ignored his former partner's lines and pushed his former lover forward, striding down the steps and throwing the actor down onto the floor as he did so. Staring directly at Mikami, who was sitting in the third row with a smirk on his face, he spoke.

"This _woman_ is yours now." Digging into his pocket and throwing the money onto Raito's fallen body, L didn't even flinch as the boy stared up at him in pain. "I've paid my _whore_. I owe you nothing… and you are _nothing _to me."

Walking down the steps leading off the stage, L held in the tears guarded behind steely blue eyes. Not knowing how to react, Raito began to shake with despair at L's parting words, not seeing as the older man tore off the stained white jacket and glared at the seated audience members staring at him as he continued to walk forward.

"Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with _love_."

"See, he doesn't love you! Watch as he flees from the kingdom!" Quillsh bellowed. Leaning forward so that he could whisper in Raito's ear, he tried to re-assure the dress-wearing boy who was now sobbing uncontrollably. "This is for best, Raito. Please, pull yourself together!"

"I…" Raito began

"Now, you're wedding vows!"

"Shit, what the hell is that damn line that stupid midget is always spewin' about in rehearsal…! L said it was the most important shit in the whole damn play!" Mail hit himself over the head as he held onto the rope, swinging from side to side as the rope above him began to become entangled with his feet. The large body guard was right below him, gun now in hand as he stared at L's retreating back.

"Wait, I kno-OH SHIT!" Pitching forward, Mail screeched as the rope on the bottom of the board finally snapped apart and dropped him several feet, the only thing saving him at that moment the large looped knot held together at the end of his foot.

"MAIL!" Mihael screeched from the stage, fearfully staring up at his lover as the redhead dangled just a few meters away from certain injury.

"Screw it! HEEEYYYY LOVEBIRDS!" Mail shrieked as he tumbled down a couple more feet, hands now tangled in the messy rope keeping him from becoming a puddle of blood and bones on the ground.

"REMEMBER, L! THE GREATEST THING YOU'LL EVER LEARN IS JUST TO _LOVE_ AND BE _LOVED_ IN RETURN!"

"_That's my line_…" The small man dressed as a sitar on the stage muttered out as Mail cackled in glee.

L stalled for a moment and blinked.

And Raito…

Raito did the same.

* * *

_In that moment, I knew. _

_I knew what it was I was giving up._

_But more than that, I had thought I had known what it was I was gaining in return. _

* * *

Raito turned his head, eyes glistening with tears as his make-up ran down his cheeks. Staring at the figure growing smaller and smaller the farther away he walked, Raito reached a decision.

One he should have made a long time ago.

"_Never knew I could feel like this. It's like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss…_" Carefully standing up so as to not trip over his unsteady heeled feet, Raito felt his heart hammering wildly against his chest as his voice gained momentum and grew in volume. "_Every day I'm loving you more and more._"

L silently turned around and stared at the young boy sing on stage with an awed look on his face.

"_Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?_" Raito finally gained back his voice as he stepped forward and stared into L's eyes as best as he could. "_Come back to me and FORGIVE everything!_"

"_Seasons may change winter to spring…_"

'Say it…'

"I love you" L seemed to come apart as the words tumbled out of Raito's mouth. Raito simply smiled. "_till the end of time._"

A small second of silence nearly broke the actor's heart as L remained unmoving.

And then, Raito heard it.

Slowly but surely, that familiar voice rose from the ashes and gave him back his hope.

"_Come what may. Come what may. Come what may! Come what may! I will love you-_"

Just when the audience members couldn't be more amazed, L's own baritone reverberated through the auditorium. Raito almost collapsed in relief as the writer all but ran back onto the stage.

"_I will love you!_" Raito sang back.

"_Until my dying day-_" L walked back up the steps as Raito stood where he was, too amazed to move. "_Dying day!_"

"_Come what may!_" They both sang out as they finally met, L's arms reaching around the brunet's lithe waist and pulling him forward. "_Come what may…_"

"_Come what may…_"

Staring into each other's eyes, Raito _knew_…

'I won't ever do this to you again.'

"_I will love you until my dying day!_"

"SHIT!" Both men turned around in time to see a hysterical Mail dangling above the stage pointing wildly to the right as Mihael threatened the stage hands to get his lover down 'or else!'. "L! THAT BASTARD'S TRYING TO KILL YOU!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lettie screamed as a large man face-planted in front of her, the gun thrown out of his hands and next to her feet.

"See, he has a gun!" Mail yelped out as he finally fell forward, the rope snapping completely.

"SHUT UP!" Quillsh commanded. "GUARDS, SEIZE THEM!"

"_Vive la vie de boheme!" _The old man L had procured to play the eldest bohemian shouted before setting off the explosives on cue with his guitar, the fireworks dazzling the crowd magnififcently.

"STOP!" Matsuda yelped as he entered the stage, only half-dressed. "Let's get back to work…?"

"_No matter what you say…_" Mail almost laughed as the short main who was playing Toulouse shoved him out of the way and sang his lines. "_The show is ending our way!_"

"_Come on and stand your ground for freedom, truth, beauty and love!_"

"_How wonderful life is…_" The dancers began to twirl around the couple still standing in the middle of the stage, successfully taking the bulky guard completely off of his game as he searched for his gun.

"_One day I'll fly away!_" Raito felt his energy come back to him, not noticing the snarling man directly in front of him sitting within the third row…

"_My gift is my song!_"

"_The children of the revolution; no, you won't fool the children of the revolution-_" The dancing began to become rapid as the body guard almost tripped over his feet, gun now flying away from his fingers-

"_One day I'll fly away!_"

"_My gift is my song!_"

Before the older man could reach for the weapon, a large sandbag came spiraling down onto his head, causing him to fall to the ground with a thud.

"_The children of the revolution; no, you won't fool the children of the revolution-_"

Mail blinked as his lover gave him a thumbs up from the small pillar he was perched upon.

"_Come what may!_"

L and Raito turned back towards each other and away from the crowd. "_I will love you…_"

One of the dancers kicked the gun off the stage and onto the long veranda leading towards the double door exit. Mikami pushed out of his seat in a rage and stared down at the shining pistol, his eyes gleaming with jealous anger.

"_Come what may!_"

Raito grinned as his throat began to tickle from the over-exertion put upon it. "_Yes, I will love you…_"

"_Come what may!_"

L felt the soreness of his throat enclose even further, heart hammering away at his chest _painfully_. But still, he continued to sing. "_I will love you…_"

Grabbing the gun, Mikami rushed towards the stage, screaming his voice hoarse. "My way! My way! My way! My wa-"

_**CRACK!**_

Quillsh Whammy almost laughed at the look on Teru Mikami's face as he flopped backwards and the gun flew out of his hand, flying right out of the nearest window and over the largest buildings in Paris.

"_Until my dying day!_"

An uproar of applause greeted the lovers as they smiled at each other, rose petals cascading around their tightly entwined figures. The curtain fell over them as they lost themselves in the music, the clapping, and most of all, each other. L quickly reacquainted himself with Raito's lips as they heard a man scream 'CURTAIN CALL' off to the side. Pushing himself away from the delectable young man as his lungs screamed bloody murder, L tried to catch his breath-

But couldn't.

Raito waved over at Mihael and Mail as he turned over to thank them only to fall over in shock as L tumbled onto the floor, wheezing in pain and lack of air.

"L!" The boy cried out as he crawled over the writer, long hair obscuring everything but Raito's face from the playwright's view.

L smiled contently as his heart rate increased and dots began to appear within his vision.

"R-rai… to…" L coughed into Raito's dress, speckling the white fabric with red droplets of blood.

"SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP!" Raito cried out as he grabbed the older man by his shoulders and held him close to his chest. "What's the matter, L. Breath, breath, breath…"

"I'm… cold…"

Wrapping his arms around his lover, Raito sobbed into the pale neck dripping with sweat. "Don't leave me… please don't leave me…"

"You… don't. Love you so much…" L began to close his eyes at this point, the world slowly fading to gray. "T-this is… what I wanted. To see before…"

"Why are you doing this to me?" Raito mumbled against stale skin.

"T-tell… t-ell our s-story… don't forget it. Don't forget _me_."

The hand that had been gripping his left arm without his realizing it eased its grip and fell away. The chest halted its heaving and the eyes ceased to flutter. The heartbeat, which had been beating wildly against his own, died away into nothing. People surrounded him, but Raito did not notice them as he held onto the man in his arms.

Raito fully collapsed onto the ground as he gazed down at the set of now-unblinking blue eyes staring up at him, the mouth gone still and the fingers no longer twitching. Tears coursed down the actor's face as the pandemonium around him reached epic proportions and the flower petals continued to fall…

And fall…

And fall.

The curtain didn't dare open again and the lights shut off soon after.

At that moment Raito knew, no matter whom else was around him, he was now irrevocably alone.

* * *

_Hours and days and weeks passed by, and I knew in that time what it was L had wanted me to do for him. _

_I picked up a typewriter and, barely knowing how to use it, began to write. I dredged up every memory; good and bad, and I typed it out as best as I could. Because I couldn't _forget_. _

_And I didn't want anyone else to forget either. _

_It was my last wish as well. _

_Because…_

* * *

"… I know I don't have much time either." Raito whispered as he stared at the gravestone in front of him, the once empty pit now filled to the brim with dirt. "Whatever happens from this point on is irrelevant. I've finished what I've set out to do… for the both of us."

"The both of you?"

Raito smiled as he turned his gaze down towards the small boy beside him, his silver hair falling over his dark blue (_so blue… just like his_) eyes in a frenzied fashion.

"He's gone now… I may go on, but I know not for long. But I don't regret it, not a single thing. Because I know what love is, and I wouldn't trade that knowledge for anything in the world. Even if it hurts me to know."

"But… but I don't get it? Don't love stories usually end with a happily ever after? After all the trouble they went through, he just _dies_? How is that _fair_?" The unnamed child cried out as he glanced back at the marker standing directly behind the plot Raito had been staring at for more than an hour, a large packet held lovingly within his arms.

Raito bit back the laugh bubbling within his throat as the young boy just over his shoulder began to pout in disbelief. Walking away from the child and began his trek away from the graveyard and back to his hotel room, Raito felt his chest begin to burn as the itching of pain turned into a raucous cough that he covered with a well-mannered gloved hand.

"Not all stories hold such pretty illusions, nor are most of them ever _fair_." Raito supplied as the child began to chase after him, his eyes still holding a multitude of questions that he wished to have answered.

"_But it's nice to think otherwise, isn't it?_"

The whisper went unnoticed as the cold breeze roared around the brunette actor turbulently.

* * *

"_Tell our story, Raito…_"

_That's what he said to me in his last breaths of life. _

_And as the revolution dwindles back into the nothingness it begot from, I can't help but smile and think of him and his savvy words of wisdom each one as precious to me as the last. _

_To share our story with the world…_

_**That **__is true immortality. _

_And I'm sure now more than I ever could have been that neither of us could have asked for more._


	11. Epilogue: A Story About Love

A/N: So I guess we can all say it's officially over. Thank. God. What other stories am I working on again? Too many to count? Of course I am. *Sigh*

Thanks to everybody who stuck through this story with me; even when this started out as just a strange little project, it was the readers/reviewers who motivated me to just *keep writing*. There's really not much else to say; hopefully I haven't made too many people cry. ^.^; Until the next project my kiddies. Let's see where my creative-ADD takes us, yes? :-)

Disclaimer: Don't own MR!, DN or "Nature Boy" (the song). Uh… anything el-SO'S YOUR FACE! … … … Sorry. Literary Tourette's. -.-;

* * *

Title: _**When Dreaming Ends**_

Epilogue: _A __Story about Love_

* * *

_**There was a boy…**_

_**A very strange, enchanted boy…**_

_**They say he wandered very far-**_

_**Very far,**_

_**Over land and sea.**_

_**A little shy **_

_**And sad of eye,**_

_**But very wise was he.**_

_

* * *

_

_But in the end, as I watched his body being brought down into that cold plot of soil, wooden box shielding his corpse from the cyclical contradiction the beauty of nature surrounding the few of us left to watch, I realize that our story, it all came down to these four things. _

_Truth. _

_Beauty. _

_Freedom._

_And above all else…_

_Love._

_And even though he's gone, I know that L would have agreed-_

_This __**ridiculous**__ obsession with love… _

_Although it came with a very heavy price, it was an emotion well spent._

_Our story… _

_It was-_

_Magical. _

_Something words could not __**possibly **__convey. _

_A story about something both more and less- _

_A story, no, __**our **__story about our _love_…_

_And that more than anything else was worth it all._

_The good. _

_The bad. _

_And everything in between. _

* * *

_**And then one day,**_

_**One magic day **_

_**He passed my way-**_

* * *

Honey-brown eyes blinked once as the illumination of the blinding white paper within his hands made his mouth twitch, the dark ink on the bottom of the page punctuated finely with a small insignia.

"That's _it_?"

Light blinked as the man in front of him nearly scowled, his face still impassive of emotion.

"Light-kun didn't like it?"

The younger of the two laughed as he threw the large bundle of papers off to the side and straddled his older lover, lips barely millimeters away from each other.

"You killed off the main character's love interest, made the main character himself insane with grief and gave them both Tuberculosis… all in the name of love?"

L pouted as he attempted to (_half-heartedly, of course_) push his paramour off of his lap.

"… … Light-kun missed the point of the story entirely."

Light laughed as he poked the writer in the stomach, eyes dancing with delight.

"I did not. I was just _teasing_ you is all."

Scoffing in an indignant manner, L leaned further into his partner's embrace.

"_Hmph_."

"C'mon, L… the way you're getting _so_ upset by my criticism… dare I say it…?"

"Light-kun…"

"Did you make this story for _me_?"

"Weren't you paying attention to anything, Light-kun? It was a story about truth, beauty and freedom; but above all else…" L smiled as he brushed a stray lock of hair away from the boy's eyes. "It was a story about _love_."

Light blushed as he leaned forward and beamed into their kiss, knowing exactly just what it was L was trying to say in the simplest of words.

'_Of course it was_.'

But in the back of his head, the boy knew there hadn't been a moment within his reading that he hadn't thought otherwise.

* * *

_**And while we spoke of many things;**_

_**Fools and kings,**_

_**This he said to me…**_

* * *

"Hey mister!"

Raito sighed as he spun around, muddled gaze glazed with tears and rain.

"_Thanks_." The white-haired boy sleepily smiled as he held up the large bundle of papers bound together by leather strappings before scurrying off, his hat waving around his head in a flip-flop motion as his feet moved quicker over the snowy patch of ground than the child anticipated. Watching the boy leave, Raito blinked in confusion before realizing that the boy had been much more perceptive than he had realized. Turning back to the only anchor he held to the cemetery, the sickly brunette sighed as his breath flew over his face in a white mist.

"_Soon, L…_"

Allowing one last small tear to track down his face without the slightest bit of hesitation, Raito gazed over at the lone tombstone for the final time before turning around and smiling to himself-

An echo of the happiness and grief that was all still sheltered within the confines of his fragile heart.

"Soon."

* * *

_**The greatest thing **_

_**You'll ever learn**_

_**Is just to **__love__**,**_

_**And be **__loved__** in return... **_

* * *

_Finis_


	12. Author's Note

**AUTHOR'S NOTE BIATCHES!**

DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION YET?

Goodie. ^.^

Now, there has been some very stringent nastiness going around FFdotnet this past year and it has been, luckily enough, tossed my way before any damage could be done to me. I've spoken about this in plenty of author's notes but I suppose this is the real deal.

I have created a livejournal account (OMG MY SWORN NEMESIS NOOOESSSS!) and have decided to discontinue my FFdotnet account. All of my work will be transferred to my livejournal and future updates shall be continued there once I am settled in and everything has been moved. I will not delete my account but I will also not re-make it should it be deleted by personnel within the website and douches working with them.

Various readers have been reporting stories and authors due to what they feel is 'disturbing' or 'overly mature' content that should not be shared on FFdotnet. I have done my own part to try to stifle down the onslaught of assholes making it harder for the rest of us fanfic writers but I also am not going to let someone demolish my work simply because they do not like it. It's not what I stand for and I am not someone who takes such things lying down peacefully. Please, if you know of such people contact other writers, contact FFdotnet workers via the links provided overhead and don't let such people censor whatever it is they want to based on their own personal opinion and no one else's. Discrimination should never be tolerated, especially when it comes to the basis of stories which don't have to be read if the reader feels they do not want to, whether the content be 'disturbing' or not. :-P

The link to my livejournal is on my profile page. If anything is to happen to said profile page just type 'hari_aisu' in the livejournal search; you'll find me if you look for me. :)

Once again, I thank you guys for all the support you've given me on this site. If you wish to contact me you can still PM me; I will still answer any and all review/messages/emails and my aim is still the same. I hope all of my readers continue to follow me, whether you have a livejournal or not.

So in classic Hari-Aisu flourish-

THANKS YOU GUYS. YOU KNOW MAMA LOVES YOU LOOOOOOOONG TIIIIMMMMEEEEE! XD


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